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Friday, June 30, 2017

Phone

The telephone book is full of facts, but it doesn't contain one single idea.
~ Mortimer Adler
- - - - -

I'm all for technology and advancements and stuff. AND I believe that we lose something when old technology goes by the wayside. Some things don't translate from one technology to the next.

For example, I don't think the song "Call Me" by Blondie would be as successful if they did an updated version called "Text Me"

Also, is it weird that I apparently can only hang up my office phone by using my right hand?  Every time I try to hang up using my left hand I mess up.

(pause)

That's all I have to say about telephones for now.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Market

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.
~ Will Rogers
- - - - -

You know that thing you do with babies toes about "this little piggy?" First of all, why is that a thing?

But more importantly, the one where "this little piggy went to market" - oh my gosh. I just had a revelation. I used to think that it meant that the pig went shopping at the grocery store. I was going to make a joke about how a piggy shopping at a farmer's market would likely be horrified by all the ham and bacon there.

Instead, I think it means that this little piggy got slaughtered and sold at the market.

I am horrified, but not by the "know where your food comes from" realization here. Rather, why would we tell babies that we are going to slaughter one of their tiny little toes?

We are not good parents when we use those little rhyme things. "Baby room rhymes" or whatever they're called.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Above

To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the brain.
~ Theophile Gautier
- - - - -

Sometimes Leslie really looks up to me. I wish we had a grand staircase in our house because if we did, I think that would happen more often.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Solo

My life is a beautiful struggle.
~ Hope Solo
- - - - -

Also, every glass in her house is a Solo cup. Same for Han Solo. Not true for for Harrison Ford. Though every truck at his house is a Ford truck.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Business

Let us give nature a chance. 
She knows her business better than we do.
~ Michel de Montaigne
- - - - -


I think that we all have a tendency to judge and speculate about what others should or should not do. I encourage us to do less of that. We don't know the stories of others. We don't know what they are dealing with. We don't know their dreams. We don't know their fears and histories. We don't know their business.

Well, unless they're in show business. If they're in show business, we can never ever really know their business. Ultimately, there's no business like show business - like no business I know.


Sunday, June 25, 2017

Work

When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home.
~ Betty Bender
- - - - -

I was going through drafts and I came across this:

The eight hour workday. There was a day before that. There are days now that we work more than eight hours. I wonder if there have ever truly been times when we have valued workers more than the work they do.

I am not sure what I was going to write with that. I guess I was just jotting down notes. 

Having reconsidered all of that, this is what I have to say about employees:

em - put in or on
ploy - pasttime, escapade, trick
ee - to whom or what the action is done

Therefore, employee - to put on a trick to whom.

I think that explains a lot. Now get back to work.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Growing

At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.
~ Salvador Dali
- - - - -

I think it's interesting watching kids grow up. One day they are riding around on tricycles and the next thing you know they're flying to Europe. One day they're asking all these WHY questions and the next day they think they have all the answers. One day they're losing teeth and the next day they're losing other teeth. Kids lose a lot of teeth. And then one day they are losing even more teeth because they grow up to be hockey players. One day they're like 17 or something and the next day they're 19 because it's their birthday. But they don't really grow up THAT quickly because they aren't 19 since on their birthday were 18 not 19 because it's hard to do math,

Man it's hard to keep up with kids.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Look

Slow down, totally. You have to slow down and pay attention to everything.
~ Norman Reedus
- - - - -

Basil:  What’s it like being awesome today?


Me:  Awesome.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Water

The tree that is beside running water is fresher and gives more fruit.
~ Saint Teresa of Avila
- - - - -

A fruit seller who is beside running water is the same way, but he's gone a lot because he has to go pee pretty frequently.


Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Aaaaaaahhhh!

Aaah summer - that long anticipated stretch of lazy, lingering days, free of responsibility and rife with possibility. It's a time to hunt for insects, master handstands, practice swimming strokes, conquer trees, explore nooks and crannies, and make new friends.
~ Darrell Hammond
- - - - -

It is interesting how many drafts for future posts I have with photos of Leslie and the caption "Aaaahhh!" (or some near variation of that). I wonder what's up with that...

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Window

Set wide the window. Let me drink the day.
~ Edith Wharton
- - - - -

I think a good movie would be if someone bought some salvaged windows and when they put them in their house and looked out the windows all they could see what the neighborhood of the house where the windows were taken from.

I know it's a lot like my other window movie idea, but this one is different. This one is called "Windows II."

Monday, June 19, 2017

Road

If you're in a bad mood, go for a walk. 
If you're still in a bad mood, go for another walk.
~ Hippocrates
- - - - -

This post is meant in no way to imply that you should take a walk in the middle of a road. I know that's kind of what it looks like, but those yellow lines do not mark a walking path. 

You don't make that mistake more than once.

Or twice.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Theatre

The theatre is a spiritual and social x-ray of it's time.
~ Stella Adler
- - - - -

I think I might like to run a theatre. Maybe I would run it and there would be a small (but wonderful) apartment upstairs where I lived. And actors would come and go. And it would be a fine arts theatre. people would come from far away to see our cutting edge comedies and dramas and experimental performances. 

Of course at first we wouldn't have a lot of money. We might not have funding for all the letters of the sign outside. We might have to abbreviate "Fine Arts Theatre" early on. Maybe we would keep "Arts" and "Theatre" but abbreviate "Fine" with just an F. 

And if we did it would be a FArts Theatre!! And that would be part of our legacy and history. 

Oh, but if we got poor reviews. We would embrace them. When people would write, "That play stinks!" We'd respond with "Well, we are the FArts Theatre!"

I'm just kidding. That would never happen. We would only respond to the positive reviews.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Beach

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, "What are you doing here? You've never worked a day in your life!"
~ Steven Wright
- - - - -

Timmy was angry. His family said that they would take him to the beach. He imagined the fun they would have playing in the water. The cotton candy they would get. He imagined riding the ferris wheel.

When they took him to the beach and told him they'd be back to get him in a few hours, he was not happy.

But what did Timmy expect? He was an asshole.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Beverages

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
~ Erma Bombeck
- - - - -

I do not.

I come from a family of boiled potato-makers where fish soaked in lye and then drenched in butter is considered gravy.

(pause)

I'm not sure that's better than where Erma Bombeck comes from, though.


Thursday, June 15, 2017

Skies

I see skies of blue and clouds of white...
~ Bob Thiele and George David Weiss
- - - - -

I like that song "Wonderful World." Until recently though I misunderstood the next line of the song. I thought it went -

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dogs say goodnight.

Apparently the actual lyrics are "the dark sacred night."

The songwriters clearly weren't as creative as I am.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Pompous

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
~ George Bernard Shaw, Major Barbara
- - - - -

I think it is important to be humble. It's good when others are kept humble, too. That said, while I might choose to put a pompous pig in my belly, I would not do the same to a person. Unless the person's name was Barb. Because - Barb-BQ.  Get it?

Hahahahahahahahah.

Sometimes it's important to rely on yourself to make yourself laugh. Others won't laugh no matter how hilarious you are. They are trying to keep you humble.

Whatever.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

When

He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.
~ Sun Tzu
- - - - -

I find it hard to believe there was an actual time when EVERYBODY was kung fu fighting.

Monday, June 12, 2017

Socks

Never put a sock in a toaster.
~ Eddie Izzard
- - - - -

I told Leslie not to take off her socks or we'd never find them again.

She never listens to me.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Nature

Man knows that he springs from nature and not nature from him.  This is an old and very primitive knowledge.
~ Loren Eiseley
- - - - -

In fact, some of the things that spring from man are very unnatural. Or maybe they're supernatural. Depends on the man. And depends on what the man had for dinner.













Saturday, June 10, 2017

Dancer

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
~ Friedrich Nietzsch
- - - - -

I don't know how good the artist is who made this image. It's not at all how I pictured that reindeer.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Brightness

The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow.
~ George R. R. Martin
- - - - -

Sometimes when I get on a roll writing my blog it's kind of late at night. Then I get tired, but I don't want to quit because I have so many good ideas.

Then a few days later when I read the posts I wrote when I was on a roll, I realize I was mistaken. I should have just gone to bed.

(pause)

No. I'm kidding. I usually think, "Wow. You are a genius." 

Of course I'd never tell anyone that because it would be arrogant of me and I'm way too humble for that. 

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Dolly

Find out who you are and do it on purpose.
~ Dolly Parton
- - - - -

That song "Jolene" by Dolly Parton is one I really like. I like how Dolly Parton has a conversation with Jolene. I think a lot of problems could be solved just by talking instead of hitting or kicking. But I also really think that maybe Dolly Parton should talk to her man. If he's talking about Jolene in his sleep, seems like he might be part of the issue Dolly is concerned about. 

But what do I know? I'm not a licensed counselor. I'd be bad at that job. 

I'd be good at a job picking songs for myself that I like, though.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Drew

Read, read, read. That's all I can say.
~ Carolyn Keene
- - - - -

Nancy Drew was a great sleuth. She did amazing things and had great adventures. Of course that all went down the tubes when she got married. She wanted to keep her name, but her husband insisted she take his name. She reluctantly agreed to hyphenate her last name and his last name. Still, that compromise was pretty much the end of her sleuthing days. It's like by giving up her name she gave up some piece of herself she never really got back again.

It was the world's loss the day she married Wilber Onthewalls.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Flower

What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.  They are but trifles, to be sure, but scattered along life's pathway the good they do is inconceivable.
~ Joseph Addison
- - - - -

My birthday is a month from today.

I want more than smiles.
Or trifles. More than flowers.
I want peace. And toys.


(So I had a draft of this post I was working on. I went back and restructured it because I realized that I had a written a haiku, but had not haiku-formatted it. I am an instinctual haikuist. Not only do I benefit from that, but you - dear, dear reader - you reap the benefits as well. You are quite welcome. No need to thank me. Well, no need to thank me today. You can thank me a month from today.)

Monday, June 5, 2017

Cafe

And the idea of just wandering off to a café with a notebook and writing and seeing where that takes me for awhile is just bliss.
~ J. K. Rowling
- - - - -
I concur, J. K. Rowling. 

I'm sure she was having a lot of sleepless nights wondering if I agreed with her or not. 

I do.  I think taking time with a pen and paper and just pouring it all out is wonderful.  It is a gift.  It is a privilege to have the chance to do that.  Not everyone has the chance to spend time in that way.
I am really grateful to have the chance to do it.  In fact, it is part of my job.  I'm still (and probably forever will be) figuring out how to do it well.  Productively.  In ways that are true to who I am.

I wonder what I will have for lunch while I do that. I hope the weather is nice. 

Also, when I do things like that I eavesdrop a lot.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

House

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
~ George Carlin
- - - - -

When there are shingles on the side of a house making the wall the roof, I think all that serves to do is to confuse Santa Claus.

In writing that, do I think that Santa Claus is a force of evil? I'm just saying that "Santa Claus" can be anagrammed to "An Ass; A Cult."

So, make of that what will.

(pause)

Also, can you let me know what you make of it? 

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Education

To penetrate and dissipate these clouds of darkness, the general mind must be strengthened by education.
~ Thomas Jefferson
- - - - -

I do believe that education is a helpful remedy to most things. I am an educator. I am a student. I am not objective. No one is.

All that education is pretty useless, however, if you're dealing with someone who already thinks he knows everything. Do I have someone specific in mind?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Friday, June 2, 2017

Shell

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
~ Steven Wright
- - - - -

When you see a shell on the beach you can think, "Poor broken shell. You've had a rough go of it." Or you can think, "It's amazing how resilient the shell is - a few broken pieces, you're still there, shell." Or you can think, "Dammit. I stepped on a shell and it hurt my foot." Or you can think, "I wonder if that family will mind if I take some of their sandwiches.

That's what this country is about. Freedom of thought.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Dancing


Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.
~ Voltaire
- - - - -

I do think that the notion (not mine) of having a dance-off for major conflicts is mostly a good one. I have to say, however, that when it comes to the idea of major world conflicts being handled by dance offs between world leaders... I don't know if I would want that to be the case. First of all, I'm not sure how well we would fare in that. Second, I don't particularly want to watch world leaders dance.

I will say one thing though. If there were tsars, I might like to watch them dance. They could put it on TV. You know where this is headed, right? You know what the show would be called. You do. Right?

You do.

It would be called "Dancing with the Tsars."

(pause)

I'm really sorry.

But isn't Aurora cute?