Integrity

If it is not right, do not do it.

If it is not true, do not say it.

~ Marcus Aurelius

- - - - - -

I did a treasure hunt thing for Zak one time. I hid clues and he had to follow the clues to get to the end. Along the way there were treasures for him to collect. I put one of the clues in the refrigerator along with $2. Zak took the clue and then put the $2 back in the refrigerator.

I'm not sure if that was integrity or something different - like foolishness. 

(pause)

I'm going to pretend it was integrity.

 

Tools

It's okay if you aren't quire sure how to implement all the tools, techniques, and words of wisdom you've been reading about yet.

~ Lis Olivera

- - - - -

I started using tools when I was pretty small. My dad was a carpenter and he showed me how to use different tools. I remember pulling nails out of boards so we could reuse the wood. I didn't learn to use all the tools he had and I certainly didn't learn to use tools as well as he could use them.

I also learned it takes a lot fewer tools to break something than to build something. Sometimes it takes no tools at all to break something. Like someone's heart. Or a sweat. Or the Guinness World Record for hot dog eating.

Anyway, tools.

 

Hearts

What happens when people open their hearts?

They get better.

~ Haruki Murakami

- - - - -

It's good to have an open heart. It makes you a better friend, partner, parent, grandparent.

It's also good to have open heart surgery if you need that. It makes you better. In a different way, but still...

 

Garage

I sat in a garage and invented the future.

~ Steve Jobs

- - - - -

Last December we got new garage doors. The light on my side hadn't worked for months and then the door on my side started popping out of the track. We were able to fix it a couple of times, but finally decided that we needed to replace the doors. 

I had looked online to try and fix the light when it first quit working and I found a model by the same name from 1974. There wasn't a manual online. The garage door guy said that since our doors didn't have sensors they had to be older than 1993 or 1994 when those were first required for garage doors.

Leslie thought I was weird for being so excited about the garage doors, but I was. I love them. They look nice and they work. But I reflected some more on why I was so excited and why she didn't think it was a big deal. I realized she didn't care that much because her door didn't pop off the tracks on the light on her side never quit working. 

Sheesh, Leslie.

Vegetables

The normal food of man is vegetable.

~ Charles Darwin

- - - - -

I call this "deconstructed salsa".

Potatoes

We must row in whatever boat we find ourselves in.

~ Christie Watson

- - - - -

Apparently most potatoes do not float unless they are in salt water. If you are going to make a potato boat, it is best if that is something you're going to use on the ocean. Or in Utah.

Employees

Washing your hands of something requires soap.

~ Craig D. Lounsbrough

- - - - -

Some employees really don't like being told what to do.

Shadow

Come back. Even as a shadow. Even as a dream.

~ Euripides

- - - - -

When we return after an absence - well, let's be honest - people are really lucky to get to see us.

Smells

Each day has a color and a smell.

~ Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

- - - - -

The other day I had an idea for a brand of candles called "Common Scents" and the smells of the candles would be things like exhaust, pizza, dirty diaper, and other things you might smell on a regular basis. Then I did some research and realized there are already a number of companies using "Common Scents." 

That is logical now that I think about it.

 

Chickens

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.

~ Samuel Butler

- - - - -

According to the University of Wisconsin-Madison, today's chickens are likely a result of breeding between red junglefowl and gray junglefowl. Also, chickens became widespread because of their meat and eggs and the fact that they don't compete with humans, (and also because of cockfighting). 

Also, I would watch a competition between humans and chickens - sprints, Scrabble, standardized testing, whatever (but I would not watch cockfighting).

 

Desk

My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living.

~ Anais Nin

- - - - -

Sometimes the things on my desk just crack me up. Sometimes I crack up things on my desk. Usually when I knock them off of my desk.

Perfection

If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.

~ Leo Tolstoy

- - - - - 

One time I wrote a blog post about being afraid of people seeing our perfections. I meant to type "imperfections," and I went in and changed it. But then I thought about it and maybe I am a bit worried about people knowing how perfect I am, too. Then they'll expect things from me. And who wants that?! 

Bert

Yes, I DO mind.

~ Bert

- - - - -

I think a good activity would be for resident assistants who work with students in residence halls to draft a roommate agreement for Bert and Ernie.

Mountains

Mountains are the beginning and end of all natural scenery. 

- John Ruskin

- - - - -

I like seeing mountains in the distance. They are beautiful and majestic. I hate it when mountains run up close to you, though. I mean, how do they do that?!

Performance

Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time. 

~ Thomas Merton

- - - - -

Leslie is one of my favorite people. How can you not enjoy being around someone who so enjoys being?

Clouds

Clouds suit my mood just fine.

~ Marie Lu

- - - - -

Without clouds in the sky, what would meteorologists do?

Fortune

I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.

~ Hermann Hesse

- - - - -

I got up early one morning, did my morning routine and saw there was one last fortune cookie on the bread box. I thought, "I can start my day and see what the universe has in store for me." 

The fortune cookie was empty.

I could have thought, "The universe has nothing in store for me." Or I could have thought, "There is no limit to what the universe has in store for me." What I actually thought was, "I wish I had opened this fortune cookie second to last so there was still a cookie with a fortune in it."

Mail

Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though 

the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, 

and even when it does it can be lost so easily.

~ Lemony Snickett

- - - - -

This is what is known as a "helpful list of resources":

 

Because

There would be no "Just because" or unjust because.

~ Barbara Kingsolver

- - - - -

A year ago today we had a cool day for summer. The high was 79 degrees. I was having a rough day, though I'm not sure why. And then I had a revelation. Autumn would arrive again. 

And then I was okay.

(pause)

I also had a glass of water. That helped, too.

 

Objects

Try to forget what objects you have before you - a tree, a house, a field, or whatever. Merely think, "Here is a little square of blue, here an oblong of pink, here a streak of yellow," and paint it just as it looks to you, the exact color and shape, until it gives you your own impression of the scene before you.

~ Claud Monet

- - - - -

I am at an age where I can forget objects without even trying. I guess that mens I'd be great at art.
 

Pounce

You have to be ready to pounce when a rare chance comes.

~ Susie Wolff

- - - - -

There's too much jumping and not enough pouncing if you ask me. Pounce sounds playful and fun. Jumping sounds exhausting or scary. Unless you're jumping on a trampoline. That doesn't sound too scary. Unless you're jumping with a friend who is holding a pitchfork.

 

Confetti

8-year-old: Do you want me to throw the confetti in my pocket?

Mom: No not in the car! Why do you have confetti in your pocket?

8-year-old: It's emergency confetti, I carry it everywhere in case there is good news.

~ Ana the Distracted Gardener

- - - - -

Confetti comes from the Latin conficere which means "put together" and later, also Latin, confectum - "something prepared." In this case, the 8-year-old in the conversation above is really embracing the Latin roots of confetti. Way to go, 8-year-old.

 

Looking

We look at the world once, in childhood. The rest is memory.

~ Louise Gluck

- - - - -

This is Ezra. He is looking down on the rest of us.

That's just how he is.

Art

Flattery and criticism go down the same drain.

~ Georgia O'Keefe

- - - - -

When you make art, don't worry about what other people say. Just make the art. 

(pause)

Unless you're trying to sell it. Then what other people say might matter. But it probably shouldn't.

Wait. I didn't mean art. I meant methamphetamine. And also I meant, don't make that stuff. 

 

Thermometer

When you're hot, you're hot.

When you're not, you're not.

~ Jerry Reed

- - - - -

Oh those great thermometer trading pin days. 

(pause)

I do not remember those days at all.

 

Wander

A person does not grow from the ground like a vine or a tree, one is not part of a plot of land. Mankind has legs so it can wander.

~ Roman Payne

- - - - - 

It is important to remember that plants actually can wander. Like the genus Tradescantia. Or Socrateo exhorriza the walking palm in South American rain forests. 

I say remember as if you or I either one knew about that plant before and are just recalling the information. You know we were clueless about it until this post. 

Trolling

To live is to war with trolls.

~ Henrik Ibsen

- - - - -

I have someone (former student, fan, troll, etc.) who enjoys periodically sending me things related to Nicolas Cage. I have gotten candles, pillow covers, a wooden spoon engraved with Cage's image, and lots of other things. I also got a bunch of Cage-related stickers. 

While the person responsible for this has never come forward, I suspect I know the person (or people) who are responsible. Last year for Halloween I sent them this card. And as I type this today, I realize that I am in sort of a "Cage match" with this nemesis. 

Sometimes this sort of engagement is harmful or threatening, sometimes it is fun. I choose fun.

Dogs

What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around - that's their job.

~ George Carlin

- - - - -

When you live with a dog and the dog has a lot of toys, sometimes you reach under the couch and feel something strange. You hope it's a dog toy, but then you pull it out and it's a dead opossum. When that happens you need to figure out how the opossum got in your house and also figure out if maybe your sense of smell is going because you didn't notice the opossum earlier.

Roads

Avoiding unhappiness is not the road to happiness.

~ Francois Lelord

- - - - -

I am pretty sure the route to happiness is not a road at all. I think it is a quiet path you walk alone for most of your life, but with good companions if you are lucky. Most of those good companions will be dogs. I am sure of that. If you are really lucky the companions will be dogs and a few excellent humans.

(pause)

Probably not very many cats, but maybe a few.

Dead

A loved one wishes to inherit nice things from you. Not all things from you.

~ Margareta Magnusson

- - - - -

I got the book All My Friends Are Dead for either my mom or dad. It was pretty funny. When Mom died and it was time to clean out the house and I saw it again, it was really sad.

(pause)

No. I'm just kidding. I still thought it was pretty funny. 

Smile

People would rather laugh at me than believe me.

~ Deborah Vance

- - - - -

I used to work with someone who would tell everyone to smile or would say, "Are we smiling?" 

We weren't.

Leaving

And now, gentlemen, like your manners, I must leave you.

~ Dylan Thomas

- - - - -

Sometimes leaving things behind makes moving ahead easier. Sometimes leaving things behind makes moving ahead harder.

Like car keys. It's hard to leave without your keys. 

Unless you're walking. But then you'll have to eventually go back and get your car and then you haven't really left it behind, have you?

The moral of the story is, remember your car keys.

 

Certain

(photo by Leslie Lewis)

Certainty is the great enemy of unity. 

Certainty is the deadly enemy of tolerance.

~ Robert Harris

- - - - -

Are you sure, Robert Harris?

Cars

(photo by Kirk Boettcher)

A toy car is a projection of a real car, made small enough for a child's hand and imagination to grasp. A real car is a projection of a toy car, made large enough for an adult's hand and imagination to grasp.

~ Michael Frayn

- - - - -

I don't think children should be allowed to drive. Especially if they are too young to read road signs. 

Quiet

In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence. 

~ Robert Lynd

- - - - -

It would be funny if you saw this and the squirrel was saying, "Wheeeee!!" and laughing.

(pause)

The squirrel wasn't saying anything.

(pause)

And probably didn't think this was too funny.

Lock

The world was full of locked doors, and he had to get his hand on every key.

~ Orson Scott Card

- - - - -

Leslie: Did you lock both the doors?

Me: (pause) I think so. I definitely just locked the back door.

Leslie: Well, if you locked the front door, you would have done that right before you locked the back door, right?

Me: Yes. (pause) I just don't remember if I locked the front door. I did a lot of thinking between the front door and the back door.

 

Experiences

I was an adventurer but she was not an adventuress. She was a 'wanderess.' Thus she didn't care about money, only experiences - whether they came from wealth or from poverty, it was all the same to her.

~ Roman Payne

- - - - -

I do believe that often bad experiences make for wonderful stories. Like the time my house got picked up in a tornado and my dog and I were taken to a strange and faraway land. 

(pause)

I should write that down sometime.

Time

Time is a created thing. To say, "I don't have time" 

is like saying, "I don't want to."

~ Lao Tzu

- - - - -

When we were visiting PA last December, Ezra kept singing "Time... Time... Time..." I finally figured out he was singing the opening lines to A Hazy Shade of Winter. I was impressed that he knew that song. Then he said it was from Stranger Things. 

Stranger things indeed, Ezra. Stranger things indeed.

 

Porch

My favorite thing to do is just to sit outside on the stoop and talk with all my neighbors. I can go out with curlers in my hair, and nobody blinks twice. It's just sad when people want to take a picture!

~ Margo Martindale

- - - - -

I like to sit on a stoop and watch people. Well, I like it until someone comes outside and says, "I've told your three times to get off my stoop. If you come back again, I'm calling the police!"