Chair

He who placed me in this seat will keep me here.

~ Elizabeth I

- - - - - 

I love seeing inside chairs in outdoor spaces. Someone had to move the chair there. And then they left it there. What's up with that? Did someone set a chair in the yard so garden could watch the children play with water balloons? Then did grandma get hit with one and knocked off the chair and they had to rush her to the hospital because she might have broken a hip? And if so, is she okay?

IS SHE???!

 

Puppy

Be the most interesting human your dog has ever met.

~ Ralf Weber

- - - - -

Today is the day Lily's litter was born. When we went to get her, the puppies came out - there were 13 of them. She was second or third from the end to walk by. I knew immediately that she was the dog I wanted. Leslie let me choose the puppy. Leslie chose the name. 

I love Lily very much. She makes mistakes, but so do I. 

And I probably am the most interesting human she has ever met because I'm awkward and do strange things. Fortunately, most of them are not things that scare puppies. 
 

Irony

You can't explain irony to an idiot.

~ RuPaul

- - - - -

I'm not that interested in triathlons, but if there was an irony man triathlon, I'd be interested in that.

House

A good laugh is sunshine in the house.   

~ William Makepeace Thackeray

- - - - -

I love this saying. That said, let me tell you if you have a good laugh in your house because your dad just hammered his thumb or because your mom put deodorant on her hair instead of Aqua Net it's not sunshine that you find. It's more like a lightning storm with a chance of hurricanes and earthquakes.

Still, laughter is fun.

 

Conversation

Ultimately the bond in all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.

~ Oscar Wilde

- - - - -

I like to talk to my friend Leslie. I'm not always wedded to a single line of thought, so some of my stories are difficult to follow. It's really worth it to get great life lessons from my stories. Lessons like, "Know what your point is before you start talking," or "Be concise," or "Lies are lots of times more interesting than truth."

Pole

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

~ William Arthur Ward

- - - - -

I think a good way to tell if someone is trying to kill you is if they suggest that you take tightrope lessons and when you're in the middle of the tightrope way high up they then throw a telephone pole at you for balance. 

Another good way is if you find their to-do list and it says "Kill [your name]" on it. 

 

Why?

An essential aspect of creativity is not being afraid to fail. 

~ Edwin Land

- - - - - -

Everyone: Why do you go on so many random drives, Michelle?

Me: (pointing to photo in this blog)

Everyone: . . .

Me: I know. 

Land

Don't look for new landscapes, use new eyes to see what is already there.

~ Gerald Causse

- - - - -

I like to watch shows where people are looking for houses. I have noticed that a lot of people with kids say, "I want a yard where the kids can run around." 

I hate it when people overlook the kids who just want to saunter.

Seas

Take me to the ocean. Let me sail the sea.

To breathe the warm and salty air and dream of things to be.

~ Erica Billups

- - - - - -

People say that they are going deep sea diving, but what if they are actually saying that they are going deep SEE diving? Words that are spelled differently and have different meanings, but sound the same are called homophones. People afraid of those words are homophonebic.

Attention

We need to treat each other with consideration. In my world, the squeaky wheel does not get the grease.

~ Tim Gunn

- - - - -

How many times will Lily squeak a squeaker toy to get your attention? More that whatever you are guessing.

 

Signs

When no one understands, that's usually a good sign that you're wrong.

~ Victoria Schwab

- - - - -

Sometimes signs are hard to read. Sometimes they are very clear but we don't want to believe what they are telling us. And sometimes when you are staying somewhere and you go to sign in on the WIFI and see a network called "I hunt bare" you watch out even if there isn't a sign that says "Watch Out!"

Destiny

Destiny has two ways of crushing us - by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them.

~ Henri Frederic Amiel

- - - - -

I would rather pursue destiny than Desitiny. I prefer dreams to diaper rash.

Locks

Too many locks, not enough keys.

~ Sarah Desssen

- - - - -

I have had some pretty good friends.  I have one friend and we were so close we could finish each others' prison sentences.

Crocodiles

Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.

~ Cordell Hull

- - - - -

I don't know why people need to know the difference between alligators and crocodiles.

Just run away.

Mules

A mule will labor ten years willingly and patiently for you, for the privilege of kicking you once.

~ William Faulkner

- - - - -

When I was a child my mother made Erik and I each some pajamas. She used liquid embroidery on them. On the front of Erik's she drew a lion and wrote "Strong as a lion." On mine she drew a mule and put "Stubborn as a mule."

(pause)

No, really. She did that.

I was complaining about it to Leslie the other night. I said, "Why couldn't she put 'Tenacious as a pterodactyl" instead? That sounds nicer."

Leslie said, "Or crabby as a crab."

Leslie makes me so angry sometimes.

(pause) 

Also, maybe my mom didn't know how to spell pterodactyl or how to draw one. That's probably it. 

Knife

I have a gift for enraging people, but if I ever bore you it will be with a knife.

~ Louise Brooks

- - - - -

So there is a game called "To Catch a Killer" that I guess you can get through the mail. It pops up on my timeline all the time on Facebook. What's weird is I always look at that ad because the people playing the game look like people I know -- or at least people I would hang out with. Why? Because they have that game and I'm pretty sure I could beat them at that game.

Stores

Cease to inquire what the future has in store, and take as a gift whatever the day brings forth.

~ Horace

- - - - -

When I went to Target to get my COVID-19 shot, I saw a young woman (early 20s) pushing a cart with a toddler sitting in it. The woman was singing "I Say a Little Prayer." It was pretty sweet.

The moment I wake up

Before I put on my makeup

I say a little prayer for you...

[Later]

Forever and ever,

You'll stay in my heart and I will love you

That's really sweet, right? I like it. 

And then...

Forever and ever

We never will part...

[Later]

Together, forever

That's how it must be...

Um... I don't think that's what most kids want, Mom.

And if someone is wooing you with this song and it is someone by whom you do not wish to be wooed... Well, it gets creepier in the last stanza:

My darling, believe me

For me there is no one but you

Please love me too

Answer my prayer

Answer my prayer now babe

Say you love me too

Answer it right now babe

Answer it too

Not good.

Peep

Little Bo Peep

Has lost her sheep

And doesn't know where to find them

Leave them alone

And they'll come home

Wagging their tails behind them.

~ Nursery Rhyme

- - - - -

I think this is really, really bad advice for children in terms of responsibility. I mean, I know sometimes kids have pets or farm animals to help them learn how to take care of things. However, the message of this nursery rhyme is not good in preparing people to be parents because children do not have tails.

Also, I know this isn't the kind of Peep in the photo, but I'm pretty sure Bo Peep was before cameras and that she's dead by now. Probably died in poverty after losing that shepherding job.

Broken

If you are broken, you don't have to stay broken.

~ Selena Gomez

- - - - -

I don't like it when people post that something "broke the internet." 

(pause)

Also, if anything did break the internet, the internet is not a good place to post about it.

Crossroads

How many crossroads are you allowed to have in life?

~ Queen Latifah

- - - - -

If you come a crossroads of Babb and Calhoun, take Babb. I've met her and she's great. I've read enough about Calhoun to know he was icky.

Follow me for more directions on how to get places.

Don't literally follow me, though. I hate that.

Food

Food is ever-changing and ever moving forward and getting more and more complex.

~ Alex Guarnaschelli

- - - - -

I like the show "Chopped." Sometimes the judges will compare a competitor's mashed potatoes to wallpaper paste. 

(pause)

I bet a lot of the judges on "Chopped" have never actually seen wallpaper paste.

Crusades

I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their evil crusade.

~ Unknown

- - - - -

I found this typed on a piece of paper in an envelope of miscellaneous notes I had kept from friends. I don't know which friend sent me that note. 

(pause)

But I must figure it out, so I can join them.

Store

You can spend a dollar on a jacket in a thrift store. And you can spend a thousand dollars on a jacket in a shop. And if you saw those two jackets walking down the street, you probably wouldn't know which was which.

~ Helen Mirren

- - - - - 

If I ever see two jackets walking down the street I don't think how much either of them costs is going to be  one of my first thoughts.

Relaxation

Tension is who you think you should be. 

Relaxation is who you are.

~ Chinese Proverb

- - - - -

I have a word for when you find a wonderfully lavish chair to rest in. Or maybe it's an opulent couch. Or an extravagant pair of pajamas. 

When that happens you are experiencing "relaxury."

Quiet

My imagination functions when I don't have to speak to people.

~ Patricia Highsmith

- - - - -

This sign represents how all of us introverts feel. All the time. 

Blowing

Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one's mind.

~ Mark Twain

- - - - -

Kirk asked me if I wanted my mind blown. After some debate I said yes and he texted me about movies made during the pandemic and what they cost to make compared to the revenue they generated. 

Me: Wow. None of my films ran a $7M deficit this year.

Me: Or ever.

Kirk: You will totally get the Cecil B. denial award. 

He laughed and said, "That typo was better than I could have hoped."

I'm no fool. That was no typo.

Dog

If you don't own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life.

~ Roger Caras

- - - - -

My dog is kind of my life coach. She tells me when it's time to take a break from work. She lets me know when it is time to sit down and rest. And she tells me when it's time to poop in the yard.

(pause)

As with any life coach, I am selective about what pieces of her advice I incorporate into my life. 

Bowling

I cannot teach anybody anything; I can only make them think.

~ Socrates

- - - - -

I cannot teach anybody to bowl. I can only make them think about bowling. 

Buildings

New ideas often need old buildings.

~ Jane Jacobs

- - - - -

I love seeing old buildings. I don't really want them to fall down or fall apart. I often think, "Why did they fall into disrepair?" or "Who left or who didn't care or who didn't show up?" And then I think, "Why is that county sheriff mad at me for stopping in the middle of the road to take this picture and think about this building? That kind of rage can't be good for his blood pressure."

 

Sunflowers

No quote or caption today.

Just this field of sunflowers in the form of a photo.

I'm glad I took this photo.

Dog

The answer to any question: "It depends on the dog."

~ Michael Ellis

- - - - -

I love this. When I get to teach law and ethics, I tell my class that the answer to any legal or ethical question in student affairs is, "It depends." I agree with the quote above because training Lily has (re)taught me that helping her learn and helping me learn is different than it was with Ripley or would be with any other dog.

For example, I tried to teach Ripley not to lick his dog penis in front of people. Whereas with Lily... she has never ever once done that.

I guess I'm learning to be a better dog trainer.

Distance

There are friendships imprinted on our hearts that will never be diminished by time and distance.

~ Dodinsky

- - - - -

They can, however, be mildly diminished by a chain link fence. Or if one friend pees on the other one. Or if one friend steals the other one's toys.