Signs

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign

in each of their rooms: "Check out Time is 18 years."

~ Erma Bombeck

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The other day we were driving down the road and we drove past a shop called "Sign Pro." There were two police cars parked in the lot. Chris said, "Wow! I wonder what happened at Sign Pro. Maybe somebody got fired and has to be personally escorted from the premises."

Elizabeth responded, "Or maybe a police officer needs to buy a sign."

I shared the story in a meeting that included police officers yesterday. Elizabeth was right.

Catten

"The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer."

~ Paula Poundstone

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Elizabeth has written a song for Neko. It has two verses:

Oh, Catten,

OH, CATTEN!

She's-a-comin'-for-you

She's gonna bite you.

Oh, Catten,

OH, CATTEN!

She's-a-comin'-for-me

She loves me.

I'm not sure if you can tell or not, but Chris is asleep in the bed above. Or at least trying to sleep.

Easter

Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.

~ Zen Proverb

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Elizabeth: Why is it that Easter bunnies lay eggs when real bunnies don't lay eggs, they have live bunnies?

Chris: (pausing) Michelle?

Michelle: Well, I think it's because both bunnies and eggs represent spring...

Chris: Just as Christ --

Maddie: Jesus.

Chris: What?

Maddie: His name was Jesus, not Justice.

Wealth

You have the Answer. Just get quiet enough to hear it.

~Pat Obuchowski

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The above image is a self-portrait Maddie made on a recent road trip. I like seeing these kinds of things in my world. I also like seeing money on the ground, but let's face it, I'm not getting rich that way.

Help

If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.

~ HH the Dalai Lama

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Maddie is a helper. She tries to help other kids when she sees problems. She has even become an advocate for her sister. The other day E was having problems with a kid at school and Maddie said, "Tell her if she doesn't knock it off, she'll have ME to deal with."

Maddie has come a long way from when a friend of hers would kick Elizabeth while they rode the bus to day care and Maddie didn't say a word.

Chaos

Living in continual chaos is exhausting, frightening.

The catch is that it's also very addictive.

~ Lorna Luft

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Elizabeth: Did Maddie come in and tell on me?

Me: No. Should she have?

Elizabeth: Oh, no... She just told me she was going to.

Travel

I never travel without my diary.

One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

~ Oscar Wilde

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Maddie: Oh my gosh! Next year Marissa is going to the Bahamas! She asked her mom if I could go with, but her mom said no. I don't know why.

Elizabeth: Americans aren't allowed in Cuba. Cubanadians... Cubanese? Whatever they're called, they don't want us there.

Swimming

If my critics saw me walking over the Thames, they would say it was because I couldn't swim.

~ Margaret Thatcher

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Elizabeth (re: swim practice): Sometimes she [swim coach] says we're gonna play a little game. Only I don't call it a game. I call it torture.

Cars

Never have more children than you have car windows.

~ Erma Bombeck

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Elizabeth: Bella doesn't like the smell of new cars and her family got a new car and the first day she threw up in it. And Anna and I could not quit laughing at that story.

Presidency

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

~ Douglas Adams

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I was helping Elizabeth with her social studies the other day. She was learning about the branches of government. She kept calling one "the exclusive branch." I laughed every time she said it and corrected her saying it is called the executive branch. Then I realized, she was right all along.

Food

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

~ Fran Lebowitz

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I saw the title of an article on a magazine the other day. It was called, "Your Inner Foodie." And I wondered if that isn't just another name for your stomach.

Animals

"Being asked what animal you'd like to be is a trick question. You're already an animal."

~ Doug Coupland

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When we were in Chicago this week, I was asked about 14 times if I had a moment to sign a petition about animal rights. I told Chris I should have said, "Wait, let me get a pen from my leather satchel and write on a piece of dogbone paper how supportive of animal rights I am. Also, would you like a sip of my kitten smoothie?"

Scared

The darkest hour only has 60 minutes.

~ Morris Mandel

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I freak myself out sometimes. At night, if my mind wanders, I'll be afraid of ghosts or aliens - more aliens who are going to come and take me into outerspace.

By far, however, the thing that has freaked me out more than any other thing is watching "America's Most Wanted." I am always afraid that I'll be watching that show, I'll look at my window and the person who is most wanted will be standing there and they will have to kill me because I saw them on "America's Most Wanted." Even when I lived on the 11th floor of a building in Cincinnati, I was afraid of that.

I quit watching that show. That seemed to help.

Hope

Hold fast to dreams,

For if dreams die,

Life is a broken-winged bird,

That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams,

For if dreams go,

Life is a barren field,

Frozen with snow.

~ Langston Hughes

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I hope that this summer it gets to be really hot. And I hope that I remember how much I hated this winter. And I hope that I can grow to love the mud-colored grass that is slowly creeping out from under the snow drifts. And also, I hope the fact that Elizabeth LOVES the taste of bourbon-flavored sunflower seeds is random and not foreshadowing.