Dissertating

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home and think about besides homework.

~ Lily Tomlin

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When I was working on my capstone, I had to research articles on qualitative research methods and write memos about them for Dr. Ryan Evely Gildersleeve.  Here is one message I emailed to him about the process:

Me:  I think this will be a good one.  I hope you enjoy my memo on it:  "Qualitative research in inflammatory bowel disease: Dispelling the myths of an unknown entity."

Heaven

Nothing but Heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend.

~ Titus Maccius Plautus

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I'm no expert, but I think it is probably easier to find your way to church than to find your way to Heaven.

Though, I do remember my cousin saying that Heaven was under the bed.  Of course, that was a cat named Heaven, but still the directions were pretty clear.

Introductions

Everybody is somebody, so you don't have to introduce anybody.

~ Vartan Gregorian

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Criss:   Mentor are you going to see President Obama today?

Me:  Yes, Mentee, I am. And you?
 

Criss:  I will stop by... I have a ticket. I wish I had a VIP ticket.. Are you introducing the president?
 

Me:  He asked me to, but I assured him he didn't want that. I hate upstaging people.

Haikoup

To finish a work? To finish a picture? What nonsense! To finish it means to be through with it, to kill it, to rid it of its soul, to give it its final blow the coup de grace for the painter as well as for the picture.

~ Pablo Picasso

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The other day Sara stopped in to tell me that she and Joe and Elliott had met about a new project.  She said that Joe asked, "Is this a coup?!"

I went and confronted Joe.  He immediately responded, "I said HAIKU."

Clever.

This is what I learned...

Joe's a quick thinker.

I forgot to ask...  Sara - 

So was it a coup?

Food

Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved in the broth.

~ Bernice Fitz-Gibbon

- - - - -

When I was buying things at the farmer's market, I decided that I think it's okay for us to want to be a consomme society.

Nets

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do. 

~ Jack Handey

- - - - -

When I saw these women, I thought they were catching tadpoles, but they weren't.  They were catching minnows to use to go somewhere else to catch catfish.

It was cool watching them do this.  And I was a little relieved for the tadpoles that they weren't being caught.  I have to be honest and say that I didn't really have feelings one way or the other for the minnows.  

I think the net represents the world wide web where we "catch" information and then use that information to figure out how to use a net to catch fish.  It's all cyclical.  And highly symbolic.

Harmony

Beauty is being in harmony with what you are.
~ Peter Nivio Zarlenga

- - - - -

I think it would be great to name your baby "Harmony," but if you're expecting him or her to live up to that name, you're destined for disappointment, my friend.  Because that kid is going to be unbearable.  At least that's what my cousin, Discordance, told me.

Life

 

Life is a lot of effort.

~ Leslie Lewis

- - - - -

I don't like the Game of Life.  Life isn't some kind of game!  It's more like a series of choices and if you make good choices you win things and if you win the most things you have the best life and beat everyone else in their lives because you have the best and the most things.

That is what life is to me.

(pause)

And also it is determined mostly by chance with a big spinner.  That is a bummer because it is random, but it is pretty much super-fun to spin the spinner.

Flavor

Everybody has a right to like or dislike anything or anyone. From a flower to a flavor to a book or a composition but it is very sad that in our country we actually fight over such things in an unseemly manner.

~ Ravi Shankar

- - - - -

Elizabeth was nice enough to let Maddie and I try her Key Lime Pie frozen yogurt.  She wasn't very happy, though, when Maddie gagged on it and I said it tasted like a combination of key lime pie and dirty laundry hamper.

(pause)

It really had a rather unpleasant aftertaste.

Mystery

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.  

My boyfriend lives 40 miles away.

~ Phyllis Diller

- - - - -

Kirk used to have an obsession with Phyllis Diller.  I am sad she died.  And I am confused about his interest in her.  I think it is because she was on Scooby Doo and he loved Scooby Doo.  She was also on The Muppet Show and he liked that show, too.

Once, when he was maybe 7, I gave him a photo of her for Christmas.  I'm pretty sure it is his most favorite gift he's ever gotten.

It could be because one of Phyllis Diller's TV shows was called, "Phyllis Diller, The Homely Friendmaker."   That may have resonated with Kirk.

It really is a mystery why Kirk liked her so much.  And will remain a mystery - just like in Scooby Doo.  If only there were some darn kids around...

Sky

But even now, when people see me in the street, they point upwards to the sky.

~ Barry Gibb

- - - - -

To be fair, if people saw Barry Gibb in the street they would probably be pointing to the sky saying, "I thought you were dead."  Of course, a clever comeback for him would be, "No, I'm Staying Alive. Staying Alive."

There you go.  Free advice Ghost of Barry Gibb.

Grass

I had to live in the desert before I could understand the full value of grass in a green ditch.

~ Ella Maillart

- - - - - 

So I once went to Phoenix for a conference.  While out walking, I noticed that I really liked the smell of some of the flora there.  I couldn't figure out what it was.  It was very strong, but I hadn't smelled it in a while.  I finally figured out what it was...

 

Someone was mowing the lawn.

 

I love that smell.

 

I wouldn't really love it if someone gave me a bouquet of grass clippings, though.  It would make a mess, I think.

Writing

And, by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.

~ Sylvia Plath

- - - - -

Me:  I think you should write a book about your life here.

Leslie:  I'd have to write it under a pseudonym.

Me:  Like... "Louise Leslieton?"

Grey

People who don't Think probably don't have Brains; rather, they have grey fluff that's blown around in their heads by mistake.

~ A. A. Milne

- - - - -

Elizabeth:  So, when I heard all the talk about the Shades of Grey books, I thought - "Wow!  I've actually read that!!"

Me:  What?!  No.  No, you haven't.  What?!

Elizabeth:  No-no-no-no-no.  Not FIFTY Shades of Grey.  Just Shades of Grey.  It's about the Holocaust.

Storm

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, 

but to add color to my sunset sky.

~ Rabindranath Tagore

- - - - -

Dad:  Overall, I consider the news from the doctor to be good.  I am celebrating by having a coke.  Supposed to go easy on that.

Me:  By coke, I hope you mean soda and not cocaine.  However, if it is cocaine, I concur with your medical provider that you should "Go easy on that."

Bee

A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.

~ Kin Hubbard

- - - - -

If bees had personalized license plates, I bet they'd think the best one was POLLN8R.

Parking

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

~ Bill Vaughan

- - - - -

There are two reasons I would not steal this parking meter:

1. I already have one. 
2. I don't like the color of this one.

Oh, three reasons:

3. Stealing is wrong and against the law.

Giraffe

A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.

~ Austin O'Malley

- - - - -

Giraffes have vocal cords.  Given their anatomy, probably vocal extension cords.

Sky

Going around under an umbrella interferes with one's looking up at the sky.

~ Jerzy Kosinski

- - - - -

"Why do you take so many pictures of the sky?" she asked.

"Well, just look at it," I answered.  And while she was looking, I ran away.

Cemetery

Now I feel I have an unspoken deal with the paparazzi: 

"I won't do anything publicly interesting if you agree not to follow me."

~ Matt Damon

- - - - -

It's easy to be a paparazzi in a cemetery.

Dog

I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  

For me they are the role model for being alive.

~ Gilda Radner

- - - - -

My good friend Cristina has a hearing dog named Tatiana II.  Tatiana is AMAZING.  And she LOVES Cristina - as we all do.

I once lived near where they raise helper dogs.  I thought I would be good at doing that and really wanted a job working with helper dogs.  Instead, I worked in public radio.  Which is often called the "helper dog of the shut-in."

Feather

A pun is not bound by the laws which limit nicer wit. 

It is a pistol let off at the ear; not a feather to tickle the intellect.

~ Charles Lamb

- - - - -

Yes, I know that birds of a feather flock together while a horse of a different color flocks alone.  But what about a unicorn which is half bird and half horse?  And half rhinoceros?

View

People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.

~ Epictetus

- - - - -

I don't like the name of this cemetery very much.  There isn't any view for the dead people and the view for the rest of us is a cemetery.

Library

 A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.

~ Gloria Steinem

- - - - -

I think it's weird how we privilege books in our culture.  We have entire buildings dedicated to housing books.  It's not like we have buildings for housing money or crops or medicine.

(pause)

I think it's weird how we keep everything confined in our society.  Everything has to be in a house or building.  Why is that?

Think

A man who does not think for himself, does not think at all.

~ Oscar Wilde

- - - - -

So the number eight is like an upright infinity sign.  Or, in the case of this photo, like two boxes stacked on top of one another.  And what is in those boxes you ask?  Well, you can ask yourself until infinity what's in the boxes, but you'll never know. Because they're not boxes, they're an 8 on the crosswalk timer and if you stand there too long asking yourself about the boxes, you're likely to be hit by a car.

That's what you get for thinking.

Nature

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.

~ Albert Einstein

- - - - -

The other night I was walking and I found this spot and I saw this.  A fawn and a heron.  I had seen the heron here before.  I think nature is so cool and we can learn so much from it.  I mean, if a heron and deer can share the same ecosystem, why can't human beings?   There is enough of the world that we can share.  It's not like our resources or limited.  Our resources are only limited by our imaginations.  Our NATURAL resources.  Who is at the middle of natural?  U.  And what is at the middle of resources?  OUR.  And what is at the middle of our?  U.

Clearly the world does revolve around u.

(pause)

Why do u have to be that way?

Mail

Always write angry letters to your enemies.

Never mail them.

~ James Fallows

- - - - -

I did a little research and found that the word "mail" comes from Old High German which means a satchel or bag.  I don't know why they let some old, high German give meanings to words, but maybe the cannabis laws were a lot more lax then and there.

Warnings

Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity.

~ Russell Baker

- - - - -

I think there are a wide variety of ways of telling people to keep off your property without posting a sign that simply says, "Keep Out."

Conscience

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.

~ H. L. Mencken

- - - - -

You know that little voice that speaks to you every once in a while and says, "I'm not sure if you should do that.  It might not be a good idea."

I hate that voice.

Impatient

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea.

~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh 

- - - - -

I am not very patient.  I have, however, been an inpatient.  I couldn't wait to get out of that place.

Bike

Why should anyone steal a watch when he could steal a bicycle?

~ Flann O'Brien

- - - - -

First of all, happy birthday, Erik.

I remember when you were a kid there was this other kid who used to pick on you.  Not me.  Some other kid.  Anyway, one day he went to far and you went after him and he freaked out and you chased him all the way home.  And then you came back and threw his bike in a bush.

He didn't mess with you again.

Too bad it was the bush at our house and I think Mom and Dad got mad at you.  I was proud of you for standing up for yourself.  And for being able to throw a bike that far.

Again, happy birthday.

Books

This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book - it makes a very poor doorstop.

~ Alfred Hitchcock

- - - - -

I think the book The Help should have been titled The Bitchy Racist Boss Ladies.

Trespassing

Respect the child.  Be not too much his parent.  Trespass not on his solitude.

- - - - -

But there is trespassing up to this point.