Softball

Sports do not build character, they reveal it.

~ John Wooden

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You might think this little kid watching his sister play ball was really cute.  You might not realize, though, that he was a big, huge trash-talker.  That was bad enough, but a trash-talker who doesn't really know the rules of softball is REALLY annoying.

Kid:  I'm cheering for the purple team.  We just got a hit.
Me:  No, you didn't.  That was a foul ball.
Kid:  No, she hit the ball with her bat.
Me:  Right, and it went foul.
Kid:  She's not out.
Me:  I didn't say she was out.  I said it wasn't a hit.
Kid:  She's good. I'm for the purple team.  Are you for the orange team?
Me:  Yes, I am for the orange team.
Kid:  I hope your team loses.
Me:  (silence.  lots of ideas of things to say, but I chose silence.)
Kid:  That's my sister on first base.  She's really good.
Me:  That's nice.  It's good that you cheer for her.
Kid:  I do.  I cheer really loud for her.
Me:  That's good.  I'm sure she appreciates your support.
Kid:  I always cheer, "GO, SMELLY!"
Me:  Oh.  Maybe she doesn't appreciate your support, then.
Kid:  What?
Me:  Nothing.
Kid:  We just got another hit.
Me:  It was another foul ball.
Kid:  But she hit it.
Me:  See, the field has boundaries and if you hit outside of the boundaries, you don't get to go be on first base.  You have to try again.  That's because you hit the ball foul of the lines.
Kid:  She hit it hard.  It went over the fence.
Me:  That's a backstop.
Kid:  It's a homerun.
Me:  Then why is she still batting?
Kid:  Because she ran all the way around and gets to go again.  We're mostly winning this game.  Orange is mostly losing.
Me:  The game isn't over yet.
Kid:  (As one of the purple players comes home and scores, looks at me and smirks as he claps and says) Yay!  Woo-hoo!
Me:  You should be watching the game.
Kid:  I was.  I saw what happened.  We scored.
Me:  You scored one point.
Kid:  Yep.  One homerun.
Me:  It wasn't a homerun.  She just got to come home when the other player hit the ball.  That's called an RBI for the batter - a run batted in.
Kid:  And it's called a homerun.  Because she RAN home.  A homerun batted in.

Me:  (pausing for a brief staredown with the kid, then -)  Hey, look!  There's a ball in the grass over there.  You should go get it for the umpire.