Keys

A little key will open a very heavy door.

~ Charles Dickens

- - - - -

I know that eating black-eyed keys is supposed to be good luck on New Year's Day, but I don't think it's good luck for your digestive system.

Window

I live in a very small house, but my windows look out on a very large world.

~ Confucius

- - - - -

I think I just realized that when you look out a window, you are never looking back or ahead, you are only looking at now. Maybe we should do more of that. We should look at this moment right now instead of before or beyond.

And if your window is dirty, does that represent regret? Does it represent confusion? 

No, my friend. It means you need to get up and wash your windows instead of just sitting around looking at things.

Sunrise

At sunrise, everything is luminous, but not clear.

~ Norman Maclean

- - - - -

I wonder if things are any more clear at sunset. Maybe so. You have the days knowledge to use and reflect upon. But maybe not. You might have a bug fly into your eye or it could be raining.

Right

 

To agree without understanding is inane. To disagree without understanding is impudent. 

~ Mortimer Adler

- - - - -

 

I don't believe in agreeing to disagree. I agree in agreeing that I'm right.

Bragging

Bragging saves advertising.

~ American Proverb

- - - - -

Kirk showed me this book the last time I visited them in Portland, ME. That was in the olden days, children. The days before March of 2020. Back in those days we used to travel and spend time with one another. 

Anyway, I think this is the title of Kirk's autobiography. What is sad to me is that the story of his life doesn't seem to make up a whole book. It looks like there is a bunch of stuff before the story of him. I guess his memoir is just a chapter long. 

Seriously, Kirk... how BIG A BRAG can that really be?

Reflection

Since everything is a reflection of our minds, everything can be changed by our minds.

~ Buddha

- - - - -

I love this time of year. It's a time of reflection. Like thinking back to yesterday and how you didn't get what you wanted for Christmas. Or thinking back to yesterday and why is that day such a big deal because you don't even celebrate Christmas. Or thinking back to yesterday and how we are all still pandemicking and you've had just about enough of that!

Or you could take a moment and try to figure out why you have such a lousy attitude.

Sheesh.

Trees

Christmas tree stands are the work of the devil and they want you dead.

~ Bill Bryson

- - - - -

Old Mr. McRady would sit next to the Christmas trees until the very last one was sold. It didn't matter if they sold out on December 14th or December 24th, McRady would be there. "That's a good one," he'd say to every customer until the last tree. When someone bought the last tree he'd say, "Why you think no one bought that tree before now?" Then he'd laugh and laugh and laugh.

When that finally happened each year, the owners of the tree lot would ask him to go home. See Old Mr. McRady didn't have anything to do with the selling of the trees. He just found a chair and decided to start sitting there.

But then one year, Old Mr. McRady didn't come back to the tree lot. His old wooden green chair sat empty. People talked about where he had gone. There were whispers he had died, but Gerania Milsum had seen him to the Piggly Wiggly right before Thanksgiving and he seemed to be in fine health. Delancy Delacroix said he had moved out of town to live with his daughter in Birmingham, but Julia Loudanfelder said he wasn't on speaking terms with his daughter. 

Finally, Phillip Allyson shared that he had seen McRady at a different tree lot on the other side of town. When people asked why he moved, Phillip shrugged and said, "Maybe because he found a recliner near the other place," Phillip said. 

Driving

Just because you're sober, don't think you're a good driver, Cookie.

~ John Irving

- - - - -

To the lady driving who cut off the old woman pushing her grocery cart in the grocery store parking lot on Christmas Eve and then parked in the “Parents with Small Children” spot with your 14-year-old,  did that “Jesus” sticker on your bumper come with the car when you bought it or is the sticker representative of your belief system?  Just curious. 

Gift

A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.

~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I love it when people say “Santa was good to us.”  It actually means, “We bought ourselves a ton of shit we wanted.”

Trees

It's not what's under the Christmas tree that matters. It's who's around it.

~ Charlie Brown

- - - - -

They say it’s not what’s under the tree it’s who’s around it. But if there is a pile of dog shit under the tree it’s at least a little bit about what’s under the tree. 

Boat

For the ocean is big and my boat is small. Find the courage.

~ Alanis Morissette

- - - - -

We had an album of Julie Andrews singing Christmas carols when I was growing up. I loved her version of "I Saw Three Boats Come Sailing In." I very much preferred it to the drunken Burl Ives singing, "I Parked My Boat Outside your Door."

Superior

Feelings of superiority always stem from an illusion.

~ Marty Rubin

- - - - -

I hope the rest of this sign reads "CLANDESTINE."

Directions

Be an opener of doors.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

Yes, do that. But also respect the people behind those doors and use the other door. They said please, after all! You don't need to burst in and yell, "I AM AN OPENER OF DOORS!!!" 

Plus, that door is locked. 

If

"What if it sucks?"

"What if it's amazing?"

"What if it's dangerous?'

"What if it's exciting?"

"What if we die?"

"What if we live?"

            ~ Gren Wells, "The Road Within"

- - - - -

What if Randy Quaid - instead of emptying his camper toilet into a sewer was emptying it into a brook or small river? What if he still said, "Shitter's full!" but what if it was Schitt's Creek where he was emptying his waste?

That would be something, wouldn't it?

Stories

 We tell ourselves stories in order to live.

~ Joan Didion

- - - - -

And some of us live in order to tell our stories. Others of us live to make amazing pizza. Some of us who live in order to tell our stories would love to hang out with some of you who live to make amazing pizza. 

Later - when it's safe, I mean.

Until then, you can just drop off the pizza at my house. Ring the bell and leave it on the front step. Thanks.

Lantern

 If you light a lantern for another, it will also brighten your own way.

~ Nichiren

- - - - -

I like this concept. However, if the person whose lantern you light immediately swats at you and knocks your lantern out of your hand and it falls on the ground and the light goes out and then walks off in the opposite direction from where you were headed, this is not true.

But what are the chances of that?

(pause)

Now that I think about it, what are the chances you are going to encounter someone with a lantern instead of someone using the flashlight on their cell phone?

Life is full of fascinating questions.

Journaling

What a comfort is this journal. I tell myself to myself and throw the burden on my book and feel relieved.

~ Anne Lister

- - - - - 

I always feel accomplished when I finish a journal. I rarely go back and read what I've written. I'll leave that to the biographers. Or the people who win a "box of miscellany" at my estate auction. 

Messy

Ice cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal.

~ Voltaire

- - - - -

Whoever makes these ice cream things is very messy and sloppy. Seriously, clean up after yourself!

Kitty

If cats could talk, they wouldn't.

~ Nan Porter

- - - - -

"She jumps, stands on her hind legs whispers with looking around."

I do NOT want this toy.

Desk

 It's pointless to have a nice clean desk, because it means you're not doing anything.

~ Michio Kaku

- - - - -

I actually prefer a clean desk. However, it isn't always clean. I also think that a messy desk doesn't necessarily mean you're doing what you probably should be doing. 

But who are you to tell me what I SHOULD be doing?! You're not the boss of me. 

Also, if you are my boss and reading this, I wasn't talking to you.

Clouds

Don't let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.

~ Anaias Nin

- - - - -

 

I don't think that when you see clouds in the sky that you should fear the storm. I think you should fear fascism.

Eek

 

Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.

~ O. Henry

- - - - - -

The other night I had a grape Popsicle. I realized that it was good they called them "grape" instead of "raisin Popsicles." I doubt I'd ever even try a raisin Popsicle. Or raisin Kool-Aid. And the world would be a less pleasant place with those things.

Mornings

Why are puppies morning people?!!!!

~ Leslie Lewis

- - - - -

I am a morning person. Lily is a morning puppy. Leslie is NOT a morning person. Even when we go to get her up and Lily says, "LADY! HEY LADY! Good morning, LADY!" in a high-pitched, squeaky puppy voice I made up for her. You'd think that would be really nice to wake up to, but I guess not.

Caution

The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.

~ Tacitus

- - - - - 

I don't think you should ever buy amusement park ride if it is up for sale and marked "as is".

Peace

Don't search for anything except peace. Try to calm the mind. Everything else will come on its own.

~ Baba Hari Das

- - - - -

I don't care what is going on in your world, if you are sitting and working on something and a little puppy comes up and puts her head on your foot and falls asleep there, you are going to feel better - at peace. Calmer. 

Unless, of course, you live in a house without any puppies. In that case it might just totally freak you out which is sort of the opposite of peace and calm.

Mushrooms

 Turkey tail is a medicinal mushroom with an impressive range of benefits.

~ Jillian Kubala

- - - - -

We had this growing in our yard this past year (along with probably a dozen other kinds of mushrooms). I was excited to figure out one of the species was not poisonous. 

I still didn't eat them, though. They might not be poisonous, but they might have dog pee on them. I know I could wash them, but I'm kind of busy right now.

Cars

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

~ Henny Youngman

- - - - -

I went to look up a quotation for the photo. I entered "Volkswagen Quotations." I didn't find a lot at first. Then I saw "VW Quotations." I thought I'd try that.

They were Virginia Woolf quotes. If you think about it, that works. VW bugs go ZOOM, so maybe Virginia Woolf would have been a proponent of "A Zoom with a View." 

(pause)

Maybe not. I guess we'll never know.

River

May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.

~ Ranier Maria Rilke

- - - - -

Know what else often flows from children with no forcing and no holding back? Projectile vomiting. 

(pause)

Of course that is also true for adults.

Leader

Today a reader, tomorrow a leader.

~ Margaret Fuller

- - - - -

One of my early leadership positions was a Secretary of State for our high school student council. (pause) I accomplished a lot in my talks with Luxembourg that year.

Leslie would say that is a lie, but the last three letters in her name are "lie" so can we really trust anything she says?

Colors

The whole point is to live life and be - to use all the colors in the crayon box.

~ RuPaul

- - - - -

Everyone is an artist. We each create every day. Some of you, though... your art isn't really very good. Try harder.

Hot

To every man is given the key to the gates of heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell.

~ Buddhist Proverb

- - - - -

I never thought about it before I saw this, but I guess there probably aren't any fireworks in hell.

Puppy

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet.

~ Edith Wharton

- - - - -

Lily is six months old today, but this is one of the first photos I took of her the first week we had her. I love this picture. Lily is under our couch. She looks very sweet and innocent. She was an ankle-biter, though. And a back-of-the-leg biter. And a shorts biter. And a finger biter.

But it was her way of communicating things like:

"I'm hungry."

"I'm thirsty."

"I'm tired."

"I have to go to the bathroom."

or

"I love biting you."

Rainbow

Rainbows apologize for angry skies.

~ Sylvia A. Voirol

- - - - -

People are always asking where the rainbow ends. I can tell you it ends at my neighbor's house. It's nice to be that close to the rainbow, but my neighbor isn't nice. She yells at me when the rainbow comes out just because I do a small thing like digging around the foundation of her house looking for gold.

Drops

 A drop of water is as powerful as a thunder-bolt.

Thomas Huxley

- - - - -

Nuh-uh. I'd much rather be hit by a drop of water than a thunder-bolt. 

Or would I..? 

What if that drop of water made me look up and then I got bird poop in my eye and I fell in a chasm and hit my head on a huge rock and forgot who I was and ended up wandering around and making things up and posting them on the internet even though I didn't know what I was talking about?

(pause)

Wait a minute...

Phone

 

Today or any day that phone may ring and bring good news.

~ Ethel Waters

- - - - -

I really don't like talking on the phone that much.  I'm thinking about changing my name to "Potential Spam" because then I can return calls and probably no one will answer. Plus there are lots of t-shirts and flip flops and salt and pepper shakers with that last name on them.

Gratitude

Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts.

~ Henri Frederic Amiel

- - - - -

I like being thankful and showing gratitude. I have a lot to be grateful for - friends, family, and how awesome I am at gratitude.

Greetings

I don't turn to greeting cards for wisdom and advice, but they are a fine reflection of the general drift of the culture.

~ Susan Orlean

- - - - -

Once again this year, I find myself on Thanksgiving Eve not having sent out a single Thanksgiving card. Fortunately, I live a life of gratitude so people just know I'm full of thanks. Like I'm thankful no one I know sends out batches of Thanksgiving cards to make me feel guilty. 

Web

Words have weight.

~ Stephen King

- - - - -

I think a good children's story would be about a spider who spells out messages in her web for the farm family who own the barn where she lives. I think she could spell things like "redrum" and "I am your number one fan" and "We all float down here!" and then when the family is reading what is on the web they get attacked by a rabid dog.

(pause)

Maybe not so much a children's story.

Spices

Spice a dish with love and it pleases every palate.

~ Plautus

- - - - -

Eulalia seasoned every dish with love. She enjoyed cooking for friends and family. She loved them all so much. They accepted her food gratefully. They told her how much they appreciated her going to all that effort. They assured her it wasn't necessary.

She thought they were just being polite and assured them she LOVED cooking for them.

They WERE being polite. Because Eulalia seasoned every dish with love and ONLY love, her food was pretty flavorless.

Purple

My house really is purple and yellow and hot pink and light green and orange.

~ Lisa Frank

- - - - -

If you are going to try and grow beautiful flowers for the first time and you are also thinking of getting a puppy, maybe don't do those at exactly the same time. The puppy might try to eat the flowers. Allegedly. According to someone who is very familiar with this experience. 

But if the flowers are purple and the puppy's collar is purple, it might make for some good photos. And if the puppy's name is Lily and the flowers are lilies, that could be cool, too. 

But I'm not the boss of you, so do whatever you want. 

Crabs

One learns first of all in beach living the art of shedding; how little one can get along with, not how much... To say - is it necessary? - when I am tempted to add one more accumulation to my life, when I am pulled toward one more centrifugal activity. One is free, like the hermit crab, to change one's shell.

~ Anne Morrow Lindberg

- - - - -

I think that when the pandemic is all over, that the hermit crab will be seen as the pet that best represents this era. No one sets out to get a hermit crab, you just end up with it - like COVID-19. Also hermit crabs live in isolation - like we have been doing during COVID-19. Also some people don't believe in hermit crabs - like some people don't believe in COVID-19.

Manners

Good manners sometimes means simply putting up with other people's bad manners.

~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

- - - - -

If that's true, there's a lot of that going on right now because there are a lot of people with bad manners. I don't think you get manners if you are born into wealth or a specific social class. I see a lot of rich elite people every day with no manners.

I don't think you get manners from parents or school or church. I know people whose parents tried to teach them manners and who had church and school leaders try to help them learn common courtesy. That doesn't always work either.

I think you get manners from inside. When you realize that it's important to treat people well, then you will treat people well. You won't get it before then no matter who your role models are.

And if you don't get manners from inside, you might try reading a book with a giant bear shaking the hand of children holding monkeys or holding hands with rabbits. If nothing else, maybe people without manners will read that book, try to shake hands with a giant bear, and then we won't have to worry about how rude they were anymore.

Bird

In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence.

~ Robert Lynd

- - - - -

In order to see people it is necessary to become a part of the noise. 

(pause)

And in order to see Savion Glover it is necessary to become a part of the noise. And the funk. At least it was necessary in 1996.

Table

I think if you follow anyone home, whether they live in Houston or London, and you sit at their dinner table and talk to them... I think we're all the same.

~ Brene Brown

- - - - -

I agree with this. I think in situations like that we are all going to say, "Brene Brown, why are you always following me home?!!"

Fence

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.

~ Arthur Baer

- - - - -

"I don't like fences," said the chicken. "They make me feel cooped up."

"I don't like fences, either," said the cow. "They restrict my moovement."

"I also," the horse added, "Do not like fences. In fact, I canter stand them."

"The pig added, "Oink. Oink. Oink." Being a pig and one of the smarter, more enlightened animals he knew it made no sense to complain. Plus he was a bit boared with the conversation.

Choice

You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny. 

~ Roy T. Bennett

- - - - -

You know when people say to their babies (who don't usually have a full grasp of language, by the way), " I'm so happy you chose me to be your dad," or "Thank you for choosing me as your mama," or "We're so grateful you chose us to be your parents." 

That's not at all how it works.

Reservoir

Music is a reservoir... of sounds.

~ Dexter Gordon

- - - - -

A reservoir is also a reservoir of sounds.

Typewriter

I'm in control of the tiny, tiny world right here at the typewriter.

~ Joan Didion

- - - - -

I remember the good old days with my laptop typewriter. I'd take it to. . .

Not really. That's a lie.