Weird

The thing that convinced me to come to Clemson was the faculty. I thought they were going to be stuffy intellectuals, but they're not.

~ Rylee Bowman

- - - - -

What I think Rylee meant is that we, as a group, are not both stuffy and intellectuals. For example, I am not stuffy, but I am an intellectual. She probably also meant that we can be a it off-beat or unusual. Because who wants to be usual?

Anyway, that's what I think she was saying about ME. My colleagues on the other hand... Well, I don't know what Rylee was saying about them.

Spoiler: I do (and while it's pretty funny, it's not nice, so I won't repeat it here. I have to do what I can to protect Rylee.).

Dead

Our dead are never dead until we have forgotten them.

~ George Eliot

- - - - -

If you ran a business and were the boss of a bunch of medical examiners, I bet you would have the "coroner office" on the floor where you worked. But I'd avoid that career. It's a dead end job. This blog is pretty funny, it kills me. If you're imagining me saying all of these lines know that I'm doing it dead pan. 

Friendship

What kind of friend do you need me to be?

~ Jessica Aden

- - - - -

My friend Jessica taught me how important it is to ask people what they need when they are talking to you. Do they need you to be silent and listen? Do they need you to wallow in whatever struggle they are facing? Do they need you to affirm some injustice you are experiencing? Do they need you to discuss options for moving forward? Or maybe they need you to tell them it's going to be okay and you should quit whining and deal with it.

I am someone who usually tries to fix things, but Jessica taught me that isn't always what is best. So now, instead of starting by suggesting solutions, I start by telling the person talking to me to quit whining. 

Thanks for all those options, Jessica.

 

Sitting

Let's just sit quietly and listen to the secrets the rain wants to tell us.

~ John Mark Green

- - - - -

Sometimes you just have to put on your yellow galoshes and your rubber duck head mask and go sit on a dock. I'm not exactly sure when those times are, but sometimes.

Tuba

I played the tuba in high school. I wanted to be a member of the marching band. I thought, what can I play that has the most effect? What can I play to get people to laugh?

~ Patti LuPone

- - - - -

I think people who play the tuba have a deep connection to that instrument. I had a student in class who played the tuba. We were doing an activity with stickers in class. She asked if I had a tuba sticker. I didn't. But the next week I did. Because that's the kind of teacher I am.

Also, I now have some extra tuba stickers if you need one.

Cyclones

I didn't get into this profession to be somebody. I got in this profession to do something.

~ Matt Campbell

- - - - - 

I watch more football now than I ever have. Every Saturday - when I can - I watch both the Iowa State and the Army games. Sometimes they are on at the same time, but that's okay. 

Iowa State is having a very good year this year. So is Army, for that matter. My team lost last week, but they are still my team. I don't get mad at them when they lose.

I do get really, really mad at the other team when that happens, though. 

Trying

I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again.

~ Georgia O'Keefe

- - - - -

All summer.

All fall.

This quote really was a bit of gut punch for me when I first read it a few weeks ago. I can relate to it. 

As the days get shorter, maybe it is easier or maybe it is more difficult to be ourselves. Or maybe we don't really care because whatever we are doing, we are doing it in the dark.

Or maybe we don't really care because we have a wonderful dog in our world.

(pause)

I think that dog part is the most right.

 

Move

Your phone's predictive text and autocorrect Markov chains update themselves as you type, training themselves on what you write. That's why, if you make a typo, it may haunt you for quite some time." 

~ Janelle Shane

- - - - -

On November 6th, 2024 (yesterday), I was searching the internet to find out if I could move a photo I had downloaded from my phone to my computer back to my phone. I figured the robots could help me with this question.

Me: (typing) Can I move

Predictive Text: to Canada

(pause)

Typos are not the only things that may haunt us for quite some time.

Punctuation

Whatever you know, or that you don't know, tell me about it. We can exchange tirades. The comma is my favorite piece of punctuation, and I've got all night,

~ Rasmenia Massoud

- - - - -

 The other day I was emailing a colleague who - fortunately - is also a friend. I closed my message with "Does that make sense!" I immediately realized what I had done and wrote back and said, "That was supposed to say, 'Does that make sense?'" not "sense!" 

I wasn't yelling at her. She thought it was funny - which is good.

(pause)

Otherwise, I probably would have had to yell at her.

People

If enough people stand behind you, you can start to believe almost anything that comes out of your mouth.

~ Fredrik Backman

- - - - - 

And, sadly, most everyone can find enough people to stand behind them. Or at least enough people who won't stop them.

As for me, I don't like it when people get in my way. Know what I hate even more? When they walk too close behind me. I don't like that one bit.

Hello

Hello?

HELLO?

 

Pumpkins

(photo by Leslie Lewis)

Way out in the country tonight he could smell the pumpkins ripening toward the knife and the triangle eye and the singeing candle.

~ Ray Bradbury

- - - - -

So jack o' lanterns originated in Ireland. The o' might have given that away. Anyway, in Ireland they made lanterns to scare away Stingy Jack who roamed the land after tricking the Devil but then not being able to get into either Heaven or Hell. 

Except they didn't have pumpkins in Ireland, so they used turnips and potatoes. That, my friends, is how Mr. Potato Head became the patron saint of Halloween.

Photos

I delight in what I fear.

~ Shirley Jackson

- - - - -

Any photo in your home can be creepy if neither you nor anyone you live with hung it up, but there it is right in the middle of the wall. Slightly crooked. Which makes it creepy and annoying.

Shadow

Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind.

~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

- - - - -

Shadows, like truth and time, are distorted which means, literally "to twist apart." Truth twists us apart, like...

Okay, so I was going to look up torture devices and see if there was one that twisted people, but I started to do that and got grossed out. However, if there was a twisty torture device, I think that the campaign to get rid of it should have been, "Only twisted people twist people."

Anyway... shadows.

Bridge

Burning bridges behind you is understandable. It's the bridges before us that we burn, not realizing we may need to cross, that brings regret.

~ Anthony Liccione

- - - - -

"I don't know why people do that!" the old man grumbled.

"Why they do what?" his granddaughter asked.

"Why they go off and burn their britches!" he grumbled since he was always grumbling.

"I think it's 'burn their bridges', Grampa," his granddaughter chuckled.

"Really, girl?! Go ask Zeb Denheskins about that. He's got a big 'ol hold in his britches 'cause they caught on fire!"

That was one of many times that the girl realized she should collect more facts and that her elders were going to be smarter than her most of the time.

"Dear Diary," the old man wrote in his diary, "Got her! I forgot it was bridges, but I shut that girl up. Backtalk to me, will you!! I'm old, but I'm quick. That why they call me an express male."

House

Home isn't where you're from; it's where you find light when all grows dark.

~ Pierce Brown

- - - - -

The haunted house weirded out most people in the neighborhood. However, I used to love when the ghost family posed outside for their family photo. 
 

Honest

And that's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does, too.

~ Khaled Hosseini

- - - - -

I have a friend who does mostly right things. She doesn't understand at all when other people don't. I keep telling her it's because some people are left-handed, but she just won't listen to me.

 

Broccoli

Some hate broccoli, some hate bacon.

I hate having my picture taken.

How can your family claim to love you

And then demand a picture of you?

~ Ogden Nash

- - - - -

Me: You can't believe a thing that broccoli tells you.

You: Funny. Ha. Ha. It's because it's called broccoli-LIE, right?

Me: No. It's because broccoli cannot talk.

(pause)

Me: Sheesh.

 

Messages

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

~Demotivators

- - - - - 

Sometimes I realize, as I'm reading motivational quotes like, "You are greater than your enemies" or "They are small people, don't sink to their level" or other quotes (way better than those), when I'm reading them, I realize that maybe my nemesis is reading the same quotes.

(pause)

But they are only true for me, not for them.

Running

The villain drives the plot.

~ Gayle Lynds

- - - - -

I have an idea for a bod guy in a comic book. I've been watching some things about Batman and then the Olympics were this summer.  I think that there should be someone who is an amazing track star, but then gets turned into a bad guy in some way I haven't figured out yet - probably something to do with electrolytes. Anyway, the bad guy's name is the Javillain.

(pause)

That's about as far as I've gotten.

(pause)

And this is probably someone who is going to be a pretty minor character.

 

Want

                              Mother: I've given up everything I've ever wanted --

                    Maddie: (sighs) -- yes --

                    Mother: -- so that you could have --

                    Maddie: -- yes --

                    Mother: -- what I didn't.

                    Maddie: Everything that you've always wanted. Yes. I've

                                  heard that. Every mother says that. But I don't 

                                  want what you didn't have. I want what I didn't 

                                  have.

~ Lady in the Lake

- - - - -

Having recently gone through Mom's house to determine the things I wanted to keep, I can vouch for the fact that the things she wanted were not all things I wanted. I wanted a few things, but I'm not very sentimental.

Sentimental comes from the Latin for "to feel." I guess maybe that means I'm not very feeling. 

Fruit

Everything existing in the universe is the fruit of chance and necessity.

~ Democritus

- - - - -

Orchard means "garden yard." And I just recently learned that there is such a word as "orchardist." It's when someone points out what they are growing. "Orchardist is apples." See also, "orchardat" as in "Orchardist is apples. Orchardat is apples, too."

 

Tone

I write because I like to write. I find joy in the texture and tone and rhythm of words. It is a satisfaction like that which follows good and shared love.

~ John Steinbeck

- - - - -

For someone who gets told "Watch your tone!" a lot, Leslie hardly ever watches her tone.

Beauty

The beauty and the suffering are equally true.

~ Anne Patchett

- - - - - -

Know how Medusa turned people into stone because she was so ugly? I think sometimes really beautiful people make us freeze in our tracks, too. We can be stunned by anything extraordinary.

Also, I would like for Sharon Stone to be in a movie with Medusa and then she can be the first person turned to stone because that would be hilarious. 

She could also star in a Rocky movie. 

I have a lot of ideas for Sharon Stone's career. I'm a helper.

Door

Big doors swing on little hinges.

~ W. Clement Stone

- - - - -

You never know what you might find behind the doors you open. Like when we opened the door to a cabin we stayed in I said, "Oh, this is very 'Tuesday Morning,'" and Leslie said, "That isn't very nice." I don't know if she meant it wasn't nice to the cabin owners, or if it wasn't nice to Tuesday Morning. Regardless, I think it means she isn't going to be a spokesperson for Tuesday Morning. There goes another huge tub of money.

Sheesh, Leslie!

Unusual

A liar's goal is to make up one that's half as good as real life's usual unusual.

~ Allan Gurganus

- - - - -

What is this? A robot? A reel-to-reel tape recorder? A sushi?

Some weird dental pattern?

I don't know. 

I like that there are still mysteries in the world. 

Also, I the word "usual" comes from the word "use." I wonder if that means the unusual is unusable. 

(pause)

I don't think so, everyone. I've used some unusual things at times. 

(pause)

Of course I've probably used those unusual things to do unusual things.

(pause)

We don't need to discuss the details.

Interesting

Good marriages are never as interesting as bad affairs.

~ Anne Patchett

- - - - -

I think before you commit to a relationship with someone, you should ask to see their elementary school report cards. That way you have a sense of what you're in for. For example, on my first grade report card, Mrs. Martin wrote, "Prefers to work alone."

Truer words were never written upon any of my report cards. I feel like that might be helpful to know about me.

Tomatoes

I don't care what anybody says: Nothing is better than a tomato you grow. There's something about it that's different than a tomato you can buy. It's a great thing.

~ Tom Vilsack

- - - - -

We didn't plant a garden this summer. We have some asparagus, some wild strawberries, a boysenberry bush, and a pomegranate tree. However, we magically had some tomato plants start up - like we had the magical little watermelon last year. Unlike the magical little watermelons, we were able to harvest a LOT of the tomatoes. So many we had to get creative with what to do with them.

So, as fall approached, we made some cinnamon tomato crisp. It would be great with the tomato shake-ups my friend Demesia and I conceptualized after a visit to the fair a few years ago. 

Jumping

Might as well jump.

Go ahead and jump.

~ Van Halen

- - - - -

There's nothing like jumping with exciteness. 

Because exciteness is not a word.

 

Excitement

Get excited and enthusiastic about your own dream. This excitement is like a forest fire - you can smell it, taste it, and see it from a mile away.

~ Denis Waitley

- - - - -

I think maybe Denis is an arsonist.

 

Cars

All of those cars were once just a dream in someone's head.

~ Peter Gabriel

- - - - -

As I was driving home one day, I saw a man who had pulled over to check out a car that was for sale. It was parked near the road outside of the post office/grocery store parking lot. I only saw him for a moment before the light changed. What I saw him do, however, made me curious. The only thing I saw him check on the vehicle were the windshield wipers. 

(pause)

I am not and do not pretend to be a car expert. However, if I was considering buying a used car, I am confident that the windshield wipers would probably not be the thing I would prioritize. I probably wouldn't even look at them at all.

Perhaps he knows something I do not.

(pause)

Actually, I have to believe there are a lot of things he knows that I do not. We're not the same people, after all.

Bread

Without bread, all is misery.

~ William Corbett

- - - - -

I saw someone on social media the other day who said, "This sourdough bread changed my life." I was happy for her, and also I wondered what her life was like before.

Memories

Maddie: Why do you only have terrible memories?

Mother: That's why I don't tell you much.

~ The Lady in the Lake 

- - - - -

The quote for this post is from the Lady in the Lake on Apple TV. I don't know if it is in the book the show is based on or not. 

(pause)

The fact that I haven't read the book may be a terrible memory for the author of the book. Well, next time she thinks about it. The first time she thinks about it, it isn't a memory yet.

 

Found

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.

~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

- - - - -

The other day I saw a sticker that said, "I found the evil I was looking for!" It was perfect. 

Then I reread it and it actually said, "I found the email I was looking for!"

Sigh. In life you will find lots of disappointments.

Hope

Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever.

~ Roy T. Bennett

- - - - -

 I read a quote that I like the other day. It said, "I have no energy for hate. I either love you, wish you well, or hope you heal." I think that is a wonderful concept.

(pause)

But I still have a little bit of energy for hate.

School

Being a student is easy. Learning requires actual work.

~ William Crawford

- - - - -

If someone offers to give you all the answers, be suspicious. He might give you answers while taking away the chance for you to discover your own truths. Everything is a tradeoff.

School is where we learn. Where we take chances. Where we are made uncomfortable so that we can become more confident in knowing that we can do hard things.

Old School is where they make the "corn flake chewy." I'm sure they learn a lot of things there, too.

(pause)

I guess that "Kimble's" is actually where they make the "corn flake chewy" but it didn't really fit with the school theme of my blog post. 

House

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

~ George Carlin

- - - - -

I read a post by a realtor the other day. She was complaining that a lot of first-time homebuyers were having problems finding "adorable insurance." 

(pause)

I have to believe that is true.

Mystery

Art inspired by Maureen Collins

The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.

~ Oscar Wilde

- - - - 

Did you ever sense there was someone in your life who hated you and you can't figure out why? That person is me. And I'm not telling you why. We both know you know why. 

Graffiti

Made for Eating.

~ Fritos slogan

- - - - -

This is a Graffrito truck.

 

Robots

You and I are streaming data engines.

~ Jeff Hawkins

- - - - -

When Leslie and I finished watching the musical "Mean Girls" the robots suggested the next thing we might like to watch was, "Women Talking."

(pause)

First, we had already seen "Women Talking." Second, your algorithm needs work, robots. It needs some work.

Rescue

Coming to my rescue?

Of course, it's what we do. I rescue you; you rescue me. We just take turns whenever the other needs it.

~ Richelle Mead

- - - - -

This is a dog Lily rescued last summer. Here is how a dog rescues another dog: The rescue dog finds another dog, plays with it, and then the rescued dog follows the rescuer dog home.

That's how we should rescue people, too. Find someone, play with them. If that seems to work out, the second person can follow the first home. 

(pause)

This might not be the best way to rescue someone who is drowning.

Perspective

If you look the right way you can see the whole world is a garden.

~ Frances Hodgson Burnett

- - - - -

"Don't put all your tennis balls in one flower pot" is a powerful piece of advice that is all to often sadly overshadowed by the egg quote thing. 

 

Hydrant

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life.

~ Terry Pratchett

- - - - -

The other night I was walking to my car after class. I saw a small fireball in the dried leaves. I panicked at first, but realized it was very close to a hydrant. Also, it wasn't quite as dramatic as you might think because the fireball I saw was one of those little plastic bottles of Fireball whiskey you can buy at the checkout of a gas station.

Still... it was something I saw.

Doing

I think I'd tell myself, "You have no idea what you're doing and so you're invincible."

~ The Bear

- - - -

When going on an adventure, one ought to assume it can be completed. If you don't complete it, you didn't fail, you just aren't finished yet. And if you never finish, you didn't fail, you just ran out of time. And if you ran out of time, it's probably someone else's fault because they gave you something stupid to do instead like housework or having a job or looking BOTH ways before you crossed the street.

 

Inclusion

I'd rather be excluded for who I include 

than included for who I exclude.

~ Popular Inspirational Social Media Post

- - - - -

First of all, it should be "whom."

Second of all, I'd rather be excluded.

(pause)

Given my first of all comment, that second one is probably happening whether I'd rather it or not.