Bridges

But which is the stone that supports the bridge?

~ Kublai Khan

- - - - -

My friend Brad is always out wandering around.  Wandering around is something I also enjoy.  Not long ago he texted me about the opening of this bridge - The High Trestle Bridge.  I went and saw it.  It is very impressive.  I want to go back again at night because it has lights and I am guessing that it looks pretty spectacular at night.

The cynical part of me (perhaps related to my judicial career, perhaps related to being cynical) wanted to go see it right away before it got all vandalized.  It's not that I don't have faith in my fellow human beings.  I have complete faith in them.  Faith that they will, one day, paint graffiti on this bridge.

Looking

When I look down, I miss all the good stuff; when I look up, I just trip over things.

~ Ani Difranco

- - - - -

I was going through one of my books of notes.  A notebook of sorts, if you will.  Anyway, I found this quote from a great Shakespeare class I took as a grad student:

"This is Shakespeare's most barbaric and unwatchable scene.  Let's take a look at it."

I loved that professor.

Candyuck

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

~ Lewis Black

- - - - -

You know where you should not eat Fun Dip?  On the top of a sand dune on a windy day.  Or any other place because Fun Dip is kind of nasty.

Letters

Letter writing is the only device for combining solitude with good company.  

~Lord Byron

- - - - -

I have this bad habit of starting letters and then not sending them.  As I write this, I am going through a notebook and I came across a letter I wrote to a friend in November of 2002.  So what do I do?  Do I send the letter?  What if the friend is someone with whom I've lost touch?  Do I scratch out the name and write someone else's name and make the date look like something closer to today's date?  Do I keep it for myself as a note to remember what I was going through almost nine years ago?  Do I sell it on ebay?

(pause)

Seriously, how much do you think I could get for it on ebay?

Color

The color of truth is gray.

~ Andre Gide

- - - - -

So this is part of my school.  You will notice the colors are cardinal and gold.  You can see it in the sculpture and the flowers.  So, here is my question...  When I see it, I pick up trash on the ground.  The other day I saw a Slim Jim wrapper.  It is the same colors.  Should I have left it on the ground?

While I think it is interesting that the colors match ISU colors, I think the answer to the question is, "Of course not, idiot!  It was trash."

Pumpkin

It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life.  ~P.D. James

- - - - -

I like fall.  It is not fall right now.  It is summer.  Or wait, I think it's still spring.

Anyway, a lot of people don't know that fall is called fall because when you tell kids it's time to go school shopping, they fall down and start crying.  Of course, you usually tell them that in the summer since fall starts after school starts.

I don't know why they call it fall.

Angles

Every man of genius sees the world at a different angle from his fellows, and there is his tragedy.

~ Havelock Ellis

- - - - -

I like angles and shadows and light.  If I had made a typo, it would say I like angels and shadows and light.  I didn't.  And, you know what?  An angel lurking in the shadows would freak me out.  There isn't much that if it was truly "lurking" in shadows that wouldn't freak me out.  A few examples:

pig
encyclopedia salesperson
harmonicist...  harmonicaist...  person with a harmonica

I wonder how people named Monica feel about that instrument.  If there was some kind of instrument called a "Harm Michelle" I would not be a fan.

Sneaky

      Language is the means of getting an idea from my brain into yours without surgery.

~ Mark Amidon

- - - - -

Elizabeth:  So when I went to have my tonsils out, I found an orange Skittle on the car seat and I snuck it 'cause I was hungry and then I thought there was going to be a problem with the surgery.

Time

All that really belongs to us is time; 

even he who has nothing else has that.

~ Baltasar Gracian

- - - - -

Maddie:  We'll be back in 20 minutes.  (pause, then quietly to Elizabeth)  Do you have a watch?

Elizabeth:  No.

Maddie:  It's a rough estimate on the 20 minutes.

Patricks

Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.

~ J. K. Rowling

- - - - -

Maddie:  "Can't Buy Me Love," what movie is that from?

Elizabeth:  "RV."

Maddie:  No...  Oh — it's from "Can't Buy Me Love" with Patrick Dempsey.  It's my favorite old movie besides "Dirty Dancing!"

(NOTE:  "Can't Buy Me Love" and "Dirty Dancing" were both released in 1987.)

Elizabeth:  Patrick Dempsey wasn't in it.  Don't you mean Patrick Swayze?

Maddie: No, Patrick Dempsey.

Elizabeth:  Does Maddie like guys named Patrick?

Michelle:  Yes.  She's looking for a guy named Patrick Patrick to marry.

Thinking

A man who does not think for himself, does not think at all.

~ Oscar Wilde

- - - - -

On our recent trip to the Outer Banks, we played word association for a while.  In terms of giving us insight into one another, it was fairly unsuccessful.  Or maybe we just don't want to SEE what is inside of one another.

An example:

Maddie:  Hippopotamus

Chris:      Purple

Michelle: Grandma

Elizabeth:  Kills the most people

Technology

Soon silence will have passed into legend.  Man has turned his back on silence.  Day after day he invents machines and devices that increase noise and distract humanity from the essence of life, contemplation, meditation...tooting, howling, screeching, booming, crashing, whistling, grinding, and trilling bolster his ego.  His anxiety subsides.  His inhuman void spreads monstrously like a gray vegetation.  

~Jean Arp

- - - - -

Elizabeth wants two things for her birthday.  A new iPod touch and a typewriter.  She's going for the "both ends of the technology spectrum" themed birthday.  Well, not completely, I guess.  If that was the case she'd ask for a rock and a virtual reality lab.

Games

You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.

~ Albert Einstein

- - - - -

I love games.  I love them.  I am a little competitive, so part of the reason I love games is because I love to win.  Winning is fun.  Losing is not as much fun.

On a recent road trip we played travel Mad Gab.  If you are unfamiliar with the concept of the game, there are words that you read and then people have to guess what you are saying.  An example:

You Sass Dye Erected = Use as directed.

So, I am pretty good at Mad Gab.  If I wasn't, I wouldn't have encouraged us to take it with us in the car.  As we were playing, I realized that even when I would get an answer or get it before everyone else, Elizabeth (the scorekeeper) would give points to the MaddieChris team instead of to Team Michelle.  Finally, when I was frustrated enough with this unethical scorekeeping, I said, "Elizabeth, I have one for you to guess: Hugh Our A Butthead!"

Admiration

A hero is someone we can admire without apology.

~ Kitty Kelley

- - - - -

Maddie:  Elizabeth, I don't think you realize how much you look up to me.

Libraries

At the moment that we persuade a child, any child, 

to cross that threshold, that magic threshold into a library, 

we change their lives forever, for the better.

~ Barack Obama

- - - - -

I was recently at a conference where I found myself talking with three librarians and a nursing instructor.  The nursing instructor looked around the group and said, "How come all the librarians get to come to this conference?"

I replied, "Because they keep the books!"

The nursing person looked confused and the librarians all looked like that might not have been the first time they heard such a joke.

I, on the other hand, laughed heartily and was reminded that often humor is just for the self.  Well, for librarians, I guess humor is for the shelf.

Enthusiasm

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

~ Winston Churchill

- - - - -

I don't know why Elizabeth got so angry when I yelled and screamed that she should come and look at the turtle I found on the beach.

Elitism

Politicians fascinate because they constitute such a paradox; they are an elite that accomplishes mediocrity for the public good.

~ George F. Will

- - - - -

This is one of my favorite signs in one of my favorite places on campus. It's elitist and yet the table is located in a space where you wouldn't think a lot of people would want to sit — in a busy hallway near a door and boxes of Solo cups.  And yet - like many of us, I venture to guess - when I see that I am not allowed to sit there (as I am not a Courtyard Cafe employee), I really WANT to sit there.  What is also interesting about this reverse psychology is that it is in the building where a lot of psychology classes are held.

Maybe all of life is one great psychology experiment and our goal is to figure out if we are members of the control or the test group

Education

Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic self-hood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks--we will also find our path of authentic service in the world.

~ Parker Palmer

- - - - -

Elizabeth: No one got in Algebra except this one kid Justin who talks like he has a British accent, but he doesn't.  He's American.

Lazy

I'm lazy. But it's the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn't like walking or carrying things.

~ Lech Walesa

- - - - -

I am not sure what is lazier  — not taking the time to boil your eggs or not taking the time to peel them.

Lights

There are two kinds of light - the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.  

~James Thurber

- - - - -

When we were kids, my brother, my cousin and I would lip sync to three songs:

Copa Cabana by Barry Manilow

Crocodile Rock by Elton John

and

The Night the Lights Went out in Georgia by Vicki Lawrence

We had some pretty serious choreography and acting to go along with them.  

I am glad that there were not phones with video cameras in them then.

Silence

Silence is a text easy to misread.

~ A. A. Attanasio

- - - - -

One of the pieces of Iowa State Department of Residence mythology involves a hall director who wanted a silent letter at the beginning of her name. She was given a silent Q at the beginning of her name. I believe it was given to her by Ryan Evely Gildersleeve.

Now, many of us simply call her Q. Her real name is Suzanne. I don't know anyone who calls her QSuzanne. But then, if the Q is silent, I wouldn't be able to tell, would I?

Finding

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

- - - - -

I have always been really good at finding things.  One time when I was a kid I was walking in a stream and a fishing lure got stuck in my big toe.  Not long after I also got to find out what a tetanus shot felt like.

Phone

I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do

that there will be someone on the other end.

~Fred Couples

- - - - -

I am about to go on a trip where I won't really have cell phone reception.  I think that will be good for me.  And good for everyone I know, too.  For a little while, it won't matter what you call me.  I won't answer.

Mushrooms

You must grow like a tree, not like a mushroom.

~ Janet Erskine Stuart

- - - - -

First of all, there aren't as many quotations about mushrooms as I expected there would be.  Second, most of the quotations about mushrooms are pretty negative.  Third, I think mushrooms would get more quotations and respect if they were called something other than "mushrooms."  For example, "Shade blossoms" or "Moisture blooms" or maybe if we just stressed the FUN part of fungi.

Anyway, these are some morels we found in our backyard with the help of our friend Jerry.  I love finding morels.  I am hoping more will grow next year.  

We gave them to our neighbors because:

1. We were leaving on vacation.

2. I am the only person at our house who eats morels.

3. Our neighbors are always giving us things.
4. Best to have a test group before eating things that randomly grow in your backyard.

Cards

A friend of mine once sent me a post card 

with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. 

On the back it said, "Wish you were here.

~ Steven Wright

- - - - -

I buy a lot of cards to send to people.  You know what, though?  They don't make "You're Welcome" cards.  I would buy and send a TON of those if they made them.

Algebra

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... 

I'm never likely to go there.

~ Billy Connolly

- - - - -

I am pretty sure that if I would have had a dry erase board and a bunch of colored markers in my room when I was 11 years old that I wouldn't have written algebraic equations on it.

Elizabeth is a freak sometimes.

But a freak we are trying to get into M.I.T. if she wants to go there.

Go, Algebra Girl!  Go!

Friends

If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone

~ Maxwell Maltz

- - - - -

Elizabeth: (while texting Emma) Oh!  I forgot to put "possum" at the end.  "Awesome Possum" -- that's my saying.

Maddie:  I don't know how you have friends.

Carolina

I'm writing a new love story, set in eastern North Carolina. Surprise, surprise, huh?

~ Nicholas Sparks

- - - - -

When we made our trip to North Carolina for vacation, I put together some music for us.  One of the songs I included was "Carolina in my Mind" by James Taylor.

Maddie:  Oh -- he's singing "Carolina."  (pause)  But he's only going there in his mind.  Ha.

Elizabeth:  Do you have "Sweet Caroline?"

One of the other songs was not "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond.  Fortunately, though, the girls knew all the words to that.  Or at least enough of them to string a few phrases together loudly for the next twenty minutes.

Places

I've been things and seen places.

~ Mae West

- - - - -

Elizabeth:  Do they have a Ron Paul Surf Shop here?

Chris:  I think you mean Ron Jon.

Old

Do not let spacious plans for a new world divert your energies from saving what is left of the old.

~ Winston Churchill

- - - - -

I like most old things, but I do not like old books.  The way they smell grosses me out.  I think it's because the idea of other people touching those pages and then me having to touch them is troubling.  However, my old book problem is better than my friend who used to get explosive diarrhea from walking into a fabric store.

Shopping

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.  

~Erma Bombeck

- - - - -

Chris: Who wants to go with me to the store? We're out of cat litter and dog food.

Maddie: (still under the influence of the drugs from having her wisdom teeth out) Why don't we just let Neko poop in a box and then Ripley can eat it?

Sage

The sage speaks of what he sees; the fool, of what he hears.

~ Turkish Proverb

- - - - -

You might think that someone who lived on "Sage Avenue" would be wise.  But you would be wrong.  At least not those one people who live there and have three giant German Shepherds that they let roam freely and attack cars that are driving by.  Those people aren't wise at all.  Neither are the dogs that belong to those people because I almost squashed one.

Flowers

Earth laughs in flowers.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

When I told Ginny that I hated marigolds, but I was growing them to try and keep the rabbits away from our tulips and hostas, she asked me why I hate marigolds. I told her I hate the smell. Then I told her I was growing white ones instead of the red-orange-yellow ones. She said, "Those probably don't smell as much."

At first I thought she was being supportive of my loathing of the way marigolds smell, but then I realized that she was actually undermining my rabbit-deterrent plan.

Secret

Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

I looked on my Facebook wall and saw this question from Elizabeth Fowler, "Do you think Michelle Boettcher is secretly a unicorn?"

Okay, who even asks questions like that?! Trust me, if I was a unicorn, EVERYONE would know it. I'd be proud to be a unicorn. And I'd use my antler to gouge people I didn't like. And I'd fly. And be able to breathe under water. I'd be like a seahorse unicorn.

I just checked with Elizabeth and she answered the question above, "No." She knows me so well.

Feet

Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.

~ Abraham Lincoln

- - - - -

I am glad that - unlike bikes - we don't start life with something called "training feet."  That would freak me out.  And would they just fall off when you didn't need them or would your parent have to remove them with a wrench?

Sometimes I think the way things have played out in human development is just right.  Sometimes I don't think that, but sometimes I do.

Over

Why slap them on the wrist with feather when you can 

belt them over the head with a sledgehammer?

~ Katharine Hepburn

- - - - -

You know Easter is over when you see a smashed peep on the ground.  And also you know it is over when the date on the calendar that says "Easter" has passed.

Friendly

Hard though it may be to accept, remember that guilt is sometimes

a friendly internal voice reminding you that you're messing up.

~ Marge Kennedy

- - - - -

You might think that peeking in your neighbor's window to make sure he isn't suffering from night terrors is a friendly thing to do. Not every neighbor will agree with you, though. And a lot of times law enforcement won't agree with you, either.

Pigs

 These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.

~ Alfred Hitchcock

- - - - -

When you grow up in Iowa, you become accustomed to seeing things that represent the culture and livelihoods that keep the state running.  I pride myself on being able to distinguish the smells of pigs, cows, and chickens.  They're really quite different.  To the unsophisticated nose, though, they just all smell bad.

Trust me, just like with man, there are different degrees of badness with man-ure.  Often the level of badness has to do with proximity.  Or quantity.  As I said, just like with people.

Bold

Begin, be bold and venture to be wise.

~ Horace

- - - - -

Elizabeth is one of the most brave, bold, and confident people I know. Except at bedtime. At bedtime she always has a pain that requires an ice pack. And she whines. I guess it takes a lot of energy and hurts your foot "like there's a needle poking in it" to be that brave, bold, and confident all day long.

Truth

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth;

not going all the way, and not starting.

Buddha

- - - - -

Liar, liar — pants on fire!

That seems pretty Draconian.

Goo

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion . . .  I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.

~ Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

- - - - -

Having worked in the residence halls for a number of years, I had the great opportunity to observe some interesting things. One incident took place at the end of the spring semester when students were moving out. A resident came to the front desk and asked to use some Goo Gone which we had purchased to help students remove the adhesive from dry erase boards they posted on their doors and the like.

Anyway, his staff member came into his room to see how things were going as he was preparing to move and the student was attempting to clean what appeared to be dried vomit off of his wall with the Goo Gone.

"What are you doing?" the staff member asked.

"Trying to clean my wall," the resident replied.

"That won't work," the staff member said.

"Why not?" asked the resident. "It's goo!"

Concern

There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a

problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.

~ Harold Stephens

- - - - -

A few days ago we got an email from one of Elizabeth's teachers about her friendships getting in the way of her productivity in art class. For some reason, the message came just to me and not to both Chris and I. I forwarded the email to Chris. Here is a summary of our email exchanges around that topic:

Michelle: I would like Elizabeth not to have any friends over tonight until we discuss this.

Chris: She has softball practice, so she won't be home until later.

Michelle: Okay. I am concerned that this kind of behavior is becoming a pattern with her. What are your thoughts?

Chris: I'm out of beer.

Yards

Our modern society is engaged in polishing and decorating

the cage in which man is kept imprisoned.

~ Swami Nirmalananda

- - - - -

When people keep a lot of stuff in their yards, I think it's disrespectful. It's a lot harder to get close enough to the house to look in the windows at night with all that junk in the yard.

Sacks

A fact is like a sack - it won't stand up if it's empty. To make it stand up, first you have to put in it all the reasons and feelings that caused it in the first place.

~ Luigi Pirandello

- - - - -

The grocery bagging drama continues for my friend Ryan.  The other day he asked for paper and as much as possible into the paper sack.  He said it twice thinking it would matter if he made it very clear.  The checker heard him and he repeated it to the bagger when the bagger arrived.  The bagger then put items in a plastic bag, put the plastic bag in the bottom of the paper bag and covered the plastic bagged items with other items.

Then this evening, Ryan called and we had the following exchange.

Phone rings.

Michelle:  Hello?

Ryan:  So, if you were to bag 1 jar of salsa, 2 bags of shredded cheese, 1 quart of soy milk, and a box of eggo waffles, how would you put those items in a single paper bag with handles so as to put as many items as possible into as few bags as possible?

(I paused, considering what response would most enrage my friend)

Michelle:  I would probably put each item into an individual paper bag and then tie the handles of all the paper bags together with as many plastic bags as possible.

Ryan:  (laughing, but ignoring my response)  Would you put the two packages of cheese in the bottom of the bag and pile the other items on top of the cheese?

Michelle:  No.  I would probably put in the salsa and milk first —

Ryan:  Interesting.

Michelle:  And after doing that I feel that I could probably stand the other items vertically so that no item had to sit on any other item.

Ryan:  Exactly!

What I didn't say to Ryan is that I hope he doesn't invite me over for a brunch of eggo waffle quesadillas.

Glass

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

~ Janeane Garofalo

- - - - -

Maddie: (looking at a vending machine) Look! Shot glasses!

Michelle: How do you know what shot glasses are?

Maddie: Duh, Michelle! Elizabeth, do you know what shot glasses are?

Elizabeth: Uh - huh! They're what Mom and Michelle drink out of!

Mystery

Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly,

for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.

~ R. I. Fitzhenry

- - - - -

I cannot figure out why the girls love '80s hairband music. One of Maddie's favorite songs is, "Cherry Pie" by Warrant. Today Elizabeth announced that she loves "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" by Poison.

Maybe the person most surprised and concerned is Chris. She gave me a look of despairpain or shockdisgust when Elizabeth said, "Guess what song I love by the band Poison?" And I said, "The only one I can think of is Every Rose Has Its Thorn." I do have a freakishly powerful recall of songs.

Anyway, seriously, we raised them better than that.

Music

Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul.

~Plato

- - - - -

So, I have learned that when I am under stress that I don't wake up with music in my head. This is a disappointing post, but here are the songs in my head since February...

March 13: Rocket Man by Elton John

April 15: Brand New Key by Melanie Safka

April 30: Born this Way by Lady Gaga

The positive thing is that the music has not been replaced with voices in my head.

Yet.