Lazy

I'm lazy. But it's the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn't like walking or carrying things.

~ Lech Walesa

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I am not sure what is lazier  — not taking the time to boil your eggs or not taking the time to peel them.

Lights

There are two kinds of light - the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.  

~James Thurber

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When we were kids, my brother, my cousin and I would lip sync to three songs:

Copa Cabana by Barry Manilow

Crocodile Rock by Elton John

and

The Night the Lights Went out in Georgia by Vicki Lawrence

We had some pretty serious choreography and acting to go along with them.  

I am glad that there were not phones with video cameras in them then.

Silence

Silence is a text easy to misread.

~ A. A. Attanasio

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One of the pieces of Iowa State Department of Residence mythology involves a hall director who wanted a silent letter at the beginning of her name. She was given a silent Q at the beginning of her name. I believe it was given to her by Ryan Evely Gildersleeve.

Now, many of us simply call her Q. Her real name is Suzanne. I don't know anyone who calls her QSuzanne. But then, if the Q is silent, I wouldn't be able to tell, would I?

Finding

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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I have always been really good at finding things.  One time when I was a kid I was walking in a stream and a fishing lure got stuck in my big toe.  Not long after I also got to find out what a tetanus shot felt like.

Phone

I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do

that there will be someone on the other end.

~Fred Couples

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I am about to go on a trip where I won't really have cell phone reception.  I think that will be good for me.  And good for everyone I know, too.  For a little while, it won't matter what you call me.  I won't answer.

Mushrooms

You must grow like a tree, not like a mushroom.

~ Janet Erskine Stuart

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First of all, there aren't as many quotations about mushrooms as I expected there would be.  Second, most of the quotations about mushrooms are pretty negative.  Third, I think mushrooms would get more quotations and respect if they were called something other than "mushrooms."  For example, "Shade blossoms" or "Moisture blooms" or maybe if we just stressed the FUN part of fungi.

Anyway, these are some morels we found in our backyard with the help of our friend Jerry.  I love finding morels.  I am hoping more will grow next year.  

We gave them to our neighbors because:

1. We were leaving on vacation.

2. I am the only person at our house who eats morels.

3. Our neighbors are always giving us things.
4. Best to have a test group before eating things that randomly grow in your backyard.

Cards

A friend of mine once sent me a post card 

with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. 

On the back it said, "Wish you were here.

~ Steven Wright

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I buy a lot of cards to send to people.  You know what, though?  They don't make "You're Welcome" cards.  I would buy and send a TON of those if they made them.

Algebra

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... 

I'm never likely to go there.

~ Billy Connolly

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I am pretty sure that if I would have had a dry erase board and a bunch of colored markers in my room when I was 11 years old that I wouldn't have written algebraic equations on it.

Elizabeth is a freak sometimes.

But a freak we are trying to get into M.I.T. if she wants to go there.

Go, Algebra Girl!  Go!

Friends

If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone

~ Maxwell Maltz

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Elizabeth: (while texting Emma) Oh!  I forgot to put "possum" at the end.  "Awesome Possum" -- that's my saying.

Maddie:  I don't know how you have friends.

Carolina

I'm writing a new love story, set in eastern North Carolina. Surprise, surprise, huh?

~ Nicholas Sparks

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When we made our trip to North Carolina for vacation, I put together some music for us.  One of the songs I included was "Carolina in my Mind" by James Taylor.

Maddie:  Oh -- he's singing "Carolina."  (pause)  But he's only going there in his mind.  Ha.

Elizabeth:  Do you have "Sweet Caroline?"

One of the other songs was not "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond.  Fortunately, though, the girls knew all the words to that.  Or at least enough of them to string a few phrases together loudly for the next twenty minutes.

Places

I've been things and seen places.

~ Mae West

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Elizabeth:  Do they have a Ron Paul Surf Shop here?

Chris:  I think you mean Ron Jon.

Old

Do not let spacious plans for a new world divert your energies from saving what is left of the old.

~ Winston Churchill

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I like most old things, but I do not like old books.  The way they smell grosses me out.  I think it's because the idea of other people touching those pages and then me having to touch them is troubling.  However, my old book problem is better than my friend who used to get explosive diarrhea from walking into a fabric store.

Shopping

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.  

~Erma Bombeck

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Chris: Who wants to go with me to the store? We're out of cat litter and dog food.

Maddie: (still under the influence of the drugs from having her wisdom teeth out) Why don't we just let Neko poop in a box and then Ripley can eat it?

Sage

The sage speaks of what he sees; the fool, of what he hears.

~ Turkish Proverb

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You might think that someone who lived on "Sage Avenue" would be wise.  But you would be wrong.  At least not those one people who live there and have three giant German Shepherds that they let roam freely and attack cars that are driving by.  Those people aren't wise at all.  Neither are the dogs that belong to those people because I almost squashed one.

Flowers

Earth laughs in flowers.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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When I told Ginny that I hated marigolds, but I was growing them to try and keep the rabbits away from our tulips and hostas, she asked me why I hate marigolds. I told her I hate the smell. Then I told her I was growing white ones instead of the red-orange-yellow ones. She said, "Those probably don't smell as much."

At first I thought she was being supportive of my loathing of the way marigolds smell, but then I realized that she was actually undermining my rabbit-deterrent plan.

Secret

Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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I looked on my Facebook wall and saw this question from Elizabeth Fowler, "Do you think Michelle Boettcher is secretly a unicorn?"

Okay, who even asks questions like that?! Trust me, if I was a unicorn, EVERYONE would know it. I'd be proud to be a unicorn. And I'd use my antler to gouge people I didn't like. And I'd fly. And be able to breathe under water. I'd be like a seahorse unicorn.

I just checked with Elizabeth and she answered the question above, "No." She knows me so well.

Feet

Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.

~ Abraham Lincoln

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I am glad that - unlike bikes - we don't start life with something called "training feet."  That would freak me out.  And would they just fall off when you didn't need them or would your parent have to remove them with a wrench?

Sometimes I think the way things have played out in human development is just right.  Sometimes I don't think that, but sometimes I do.

Over

Why slap them on the wrist with feather when you can 

belt them over the head with a sledgehammer?

~ Katharine Hepburn

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You know Easter is over when you see a smashed peep on the ground.  And also you know it is over when the date on the calendar that says "Easter" has passed.

Friendly

Hard though it may be to accept, remember that guilt is sometimes

a friendly internal voice reminding you that you're messing up.

~ Marge Kennedy

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You might think that peeking in your neighbor's window to make sure he isn't suffering from night terrors is a friendly thing to do. Not every neighbor will agree with you, though. And a lot of times law enforcement won't agree with you, either.

Pigs

 These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.

~ Alfred Hitchcock

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When you grow up in Iowa, you become accustomed to seeing things that represent the culture and livelihoods that keep the state running.  I pride myself on being able to distinguish the smells of pigs, cows, and chickens.  They're really quite different.  To the unsophisticated nose, though, they just all smell bad.

Trust me, just like with man, there are different degrees of badness with man-ure.  Often the level of badness has to do with proximity.  Or quantity.  As I said, just like with people.