States

There will be no end to the troubles of states, or of humanity itself, till philosophers become kings in this world, or till those we now call kings and rulers really and truly become philosophers, and political power and philosophy thus come into the same hands.

~ Plato

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Elizabeth: (reading her book of knowledge by the Snapple company)  "Q" is the only letter that does not appear in the name of any U.S. state.

Maddie:                               Quolorado.
               (simultaneously)
Michelle:                             Qualaska.

(pause)

Michelle:  Maddie, Quolorado was actually pretty good.

Awkward

I think we're the only jokeless show on television. I mean really, we have no setups and no punch lines. It's not a joke show. There are funny lines and funny moments but again the comedy is born of the human experience and awkward pauses are a great part of what it is to be human.

~ Rainn Wilson

- - - - -

Me:  How do you like your new swim coach?

Maddie:  I like him a lot.  He's really good.  He's a little awkwardly social, though.  That's okay, though because I'm a little awkwardly social, too.

Me:  So if you have to have a conversation with him...

Maddie:  Exactly - awkwardly social.

Me:  (pause)  You know a lot of people call that "socially awkward."

Maddie:  (laughing)  That's what I'm talking about!

Appearance

Beware, so long as you live, of judging men by their outward appearance.

~ Jean de La Fontaine

- - - - -

This is what James Lipton looks like as a Lego Person.  If James Lipton ever wore a flannel shirt and khakis.

Meditation

 

The cure for anything is salt water -- sweat, tears, or the sea.

~ Isak Dinesen

- - - - -

My horoscope yesterday said, "Meditate on the value of compassion."  I did.  There are hidden words in "compassion."  "Compass" - as in let your compassion guide you.  "Passion" - as in make compassion your passion.  And "ASS" as in, I don't have much compassion for you if you're an ass.

Wow.  Meditation is fun.

Camping

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations.  

When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.  

~George Carlin

- - - - -

Camping is like short-term squatting.  Except you usually have to pay.  I guess it's like short-term renting. Except you don't get a house.  You're just renting a plot of land for a brief period of time.  I wonder if the campground owners would be angry if you planted a garden while you were camping.  

Also, if a kid is bad when he is camping, does he get campgrounded?

In February, I wonder if the camp groundhog comes out to see how many more weeks before camping season.

And so on.  And so forth.

Heart

The way is not in the sky.

The way is in the heart.

~ Buddha

- - - - -

I think when you see a heart-shaped rock on the beach, it should make you happy.  It's a nice symbol to find in nature.  And I don't think you should be upset because it is the small, petrified heart of some ancient creature.  I don't think that's how it works.

Light

Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light?  

~Maurice Freehill

- - - - -

It's always darkest before the dawn.  And after the dusk.  And in the middle of the day if there is an eclipse.  And when you close your eyes.

Today it was dark when I woke up, but then it got brighter.  And then it got dark again now at the end of the day.  Life is like that.  Cyclical.  If it is dark and then light and then dark again real fast, it might be because you're driving through a tunnel.  Then it is motor cyclical.  Or bicyclical if you aren't going quite as fast.

Spelling

 

 A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Burt Bacharach.

- - - - -

Jordan dropped his fork on the floor...

Jordan:  Oops.  O - o - p...  O - o - p - s.  What does that spell?

Me:  That's really good spelling, Jordan.

Jordan:  Thank you.  P - o - o.  What does that spell?

Me:  Poe?

Jordan:  No.  P - o - o - p?

Me:  Pope?

Laurie:  Pop?

Jordan: No. P - o - o - p.  What sound does o - o make?

Laurie:  "Uh?"

Jordan:  No.  o - o.

Laurie:  Jordan, I know what it spells and it isn't very polite dinner conversation.

Jordan:  I'm sorry.  I don't know what I was thinking.

Food

When I get a little money, I buy books. And if there is any left over, I buy food. 

~Desiderius Erasmus

- - - - -

My brother Kirk hates Sociables.  I hate Chicken in a Biskit.  I know that hate is a strong word, but I think it is accurate in both cases.

I don't know if I have ever actually eaten a Sociables cracker.  If  you really are what you eat, this explains a lot.

Beach

Don't grow up too quickly lest you forget how much you love the beach.

~ Michelle Held

- - - - -

This is a photo of a sand fifty cent piece.

Books

A house without books is like a room without windows. No man has a right to bring up children without surrounding them with books.... Children learn to read being in the presence of books.

~ Horace Mann

- - - - -

There are a lot of books in the world.  There are a lot of books in the library on my campus, too.  A LOT of books.  I took a tour of our library recently and saw the biggest book and the smallest book.  Tanya said when she gives kids a tour of the library they are way more interested in the small book than the big book.


You might think that is because kids are small and they like small things.  I think not.  I think it's because children like to steal things and a little book would be easier to steal.  I know they like to steal things because when I hear children singing it is like they are stealing my soul.

I also like libraries because children aren't allowed to sing there.

Nature

Man's heart away from nature become hard.

~ Standing Bear

- - - - -

When we were driving through West Virginia, I couldn't get over how beautiful it was.  I did notice a lot of garbage on the sides of the roads, though.  I told Leslie that seeing the trash made me kind of disappointed.  She said, "I think it's probably white trash."

Farming

I like this life.  I like it when it's hard, and I like it better when it's not, but I know you don't get the sweet part without the bitter.

                                                                         ~ Holly Near

- - - - -

I don't think I'd like to live in a candy land.  How would you farm that soil?

Words

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

~ Oscar Wilde

- - - - -

When I grow up I'd like to live in a manor.  But not a loud and uninhibited manor.

Morning

To him whose elastic and vigorous thought keeps
 pace with the sun, the day is a perpetual morning.  

~Henry David Thoreau

- - - - -
One morning, while looking at the hand soap, Leslie asked, "Where do they come up with names for this stuff?  Crisp Cucumber Melon?"

I said I wasn't sure, be we could find out and send in some new ideas.  I suggested Radish-Banana.  Leslie was partial to either Asparagus-Mango or Brussels Sprout-Pear.

"No, Kitty!  That's my pot pie!"

~ Eric Cartman

- - - - -

I do not like Banquet pot pies.  I actually don't really like pot pies at all.  They are yucky to me.  This is a photo of my parents' freezer.  Well, the freezer in the refrigerator in the basement.  What is reassuring to me is that they did not simply buy pot pies to torment me as a child.  They either really do like them, or else these are pot pies leftover from my childhood.  In which case, I guess they may have purchased them to torment me.

"Just try it," my parents would say.  "You'll like it.  Pot pies are good."

"I don't like them," I would respond.  I have tried them.

"You'll like them this time," they insisted.

They were always wrong.  Eventually, we all gave up.  They gave up trying to get me to try them and I gave up trying to convince them that I should just cash out whatever inheritance I was going to get so I could move far away.

Mushroom

You must grow like a tree, not like a mushroom.

~ Janet Erskine Stuart

- - - - -

Mushrooms are interesting.  And yet, I learned at a very young age not to touch them or play with them or eat them.  The little blue things that live under them get furious if you do. 

Superstitious

I had only one superstition. I made sure to touch all the bases when I hit a home run.

~ Babe Ruth

- - - - -

Some people don't like Friday the 13th or full moons or walking under ladders or black cats crossing their paths.  Those people are superstitious.  Not me.  I'm just regular stitious.

Home

 

 The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.

~ King Edward VIII

- - - - -

When I go to my parents' house the next time, I hope they meet my expectations.  I am not going to spell out those expectations, because that would be like cheating.  I just want to see if they can meet them.

No.  Actually, I want to see if they can exceed my expectations.  

Maintenance

Nature, who for the perfect maintenance of the laws of her general equilibrium, has sometimes need of vices and sometimes of virtues, inspires now this impulse, now that one, in accordance with what she requires.

~ Marquis de Sade 

- - - - -

What is the absolute minimum maintenance you can do on a road?  I mean you have to do something or else it would be a zero maintenance road, right?  So, what would it be?

And I have to add that the "Enter at your own risk" part of the message borders on taunting.  It is hard to resist.