Beer

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.

~ Henry Lawson

- - - - -

Most popular drinks in the world:

1. Water
2. Tea
3. Beer

Most poplar drinks in the vampire world:

Nothing. Vampires aren't real.

Ice

Like fragile ice, anger passes away in time.

~ Ovid

- - - - -

Without ice, we wouldn't have curling. Without curling, we wouldn't have curling teams. Without curling teams, we wouldn't have fun. Without fun, we wouldn't have anything.

(pause)

Okay. We might have fun without curling teams, but not as much fun.

Thank you, ice!

Excitement

It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea. I work with it and rely on it. It is my partner.

~ Jonas Salk

- - - - -

I have heard people say that "only boring people get bored." I don't believe that. Actually, maybe there was more to the quote than that. I tuned out after a while because it wasn't that interesting.

But my point is that Kirk has shared that he sometimes gets bored. Take, for example, this series of text messages I got from him a while back:


Kirk:  The airport is boring.  FYI.

Kirk:  Glad I leave soon.

Kirk:  I wish there was a Republican debate here.


Of course his solution to boredom wouldn't work for everyone.

Adulthood

As a child I thought, 'Once I am a grown-up, there will be no more fear, no more worries, and it turns out that's not true.

~ Olivia Colman

- - - - -

Sometimes I wonder if childhood is about what we let in and what we get into and if adulthood is about what we push away and what we stay out of. Maybe if we went into more and let more in we would be happier and freer. Maybe not. That's why I wonder - because I don't know.

Sometimes I also wonder if grown-up is misspelled. Perhaps it should be groan-up.

Bridges

I have to accept the fact that no matter what I do it's going to annoy someone.

~ Nathan Lane

- - - - -

Why a one lane bridge? Why not a fast lane bridge? A bowling lane bridge? A Nathan Lane bridge? A Diane Lane bridge? Hey - are Nathan and Diane Lane married? Wait... probably not. A Drury Lane bridge? 

I love bridges. What about a Beau Bridge? 

The world is full of so many questions. And bridges. 

Preserves

The knowledge of yourself will preserve you from vanity.

~ Miguel de Cervantes

- - - - -

I wonder if that is true from grapes and berries, too.

Butterfly

Well, I must endure the presence of a few caterpillars if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies.

~ Antoine de Sainte-Exupery

- - - - -

I bet if we could read the thoughts of the butterfly and the butterfly used a lot of profanity we wouldn't think they are all that pretty. 

Tangled

I'm not really a storyteller myself I tend to get all tangled up when I try and tell stories.

~ Daniel Day Lewis

- - - - -

I am okay with telling stories, but I am not good at telling jokes. I get tangled up telling them. I think the difference for me is that jokes require more structure than stories. There is the set up, the misdirection, and then the punchline. And if you tell those out of order, it sort of ruins the joke.

I don't find that to be true with stories. You can tell the pieces in any order as long as you tell them in interesting ways. The best part is you don't even have to have a point. If people don't understand your stories, you can just pretend the stories are too complex for those people. 

If they don't fall for that you can always ask them, "So... do you know any good jokes?

Scary

Nothing scares me more than people with some doll collection.

~ Karl Lagerfeld

- - - - -

I agree, Karl.

Dolls are scary. Also the heads of dolls are scary. Also, listening to a podcast about an unsolved murder while you are home alone and then looking at the window and worrying that the murderer in the story of the unsolved murder is going to be at your window watching you listen to the podcast and then will have to kill you because now you know that they are the murderer - that is scary.

I used to get the same level of fear watching America's Most Wanted and worrying that the most wanted would see me watching the story about them. That doesn't scare me anymore, though because I quit watching it. Maybe it's not even on anymore. Of course, I won't go check because if it IS still on because what if there is an update and I see it, then the person the update is about might be walking by my window and then I'm a goner.

Basically, maybe I'm just afraid of people walking by my windows.

Killer

Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.

~ Alfred Hitchcock

- - - - -

Once upon a time I lived next door to an old woman named Georgia.  We shared a wall in a duplex.  She was loud and she smoked and she watched something hilarious on Friday nights.

Then one day she got a roommate.  I forget who it was, but she and Georgia had while working together on the 2012 Rick Santorum campaign.  Anyway, one weekend Georgia was gone - probably in the hospital.  The roommate...  I really wish I could remember her name... She was making something and she set the smoke detector off about 10 times.

I remember posting on Facebook at the time that I thought she was trying to kill me by setting the house on fire.

Well, a couple days later Georgia was back from intensive care or wherever she had been. She came over and gave me some brownies.  She said they were an apology gift from her roommate.

This is the label that was on the brownies.

Scary

I always just wanted to be funny. I never planned to be scary.

~ R. L. Stine

- - - - -

How do we decide what is scary? Like vegetables and legumes and that stuff? A pumpkin carved into a face is scary. But what if we did the same thing to a cucumber --

A Jack - o - Cuke? Is that scary? Or maybe a Cuke - o - Lantern? Is that better?

(pause)

No.

Cuke-o-lantern?  Is that better?  No.

Anyway, if you don't get my point, it's because I'm really a deep thinker.

Mask

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth.

~ Oscar Wilde

- - - - -

You know the story of the Man in the Iron Mask (or at least you should), but have you heard the story of the Man in the Cow Mask? That's what I thought. I'm disappointed in you.

And how many of you have a papier-mâché cow head in your basement?

(pause)

That's what I thought. Get out of here. I don't even know what to say to you.

Cat

"Meow" means "Woof" in cat.

~ George Carlin

- - - - -

This book is in the basement of my parent's house.
Also we never owned a cat when I was a kid. At least not for long. Just kidding - we never owned a cat.

Tunnel

Learning is a tunnel experience that makes us think more broadly.

~ Anna Deavere Smith

- - - - -

The other way that learning and tunnels are similar is you don't always know how long either one is going to take. And then you get through one experience and there is always another one. And also both have the letters L, N, and E in them.

Temperature

Sadly, it's much easier to create a desert than a forest.

~ James Lovelock

- - - - -

Last summer my brother Kirk took me to the Desert of Maine. It was a very fun trip. We saw the Desert of Main and a barn museum and the guide talked about am movie called "Dirt." 

Kirk and I are simply people who enjoy simple pleasures. 

And why I thought it was a good idea to sit at the front of the tram when I knew we would be laughing and would bust up if Kirk and I made direct eye contact during the trip... I will never know.

Good choices, bad choices, it's all up to you. Whether it's sitting too close to the tour guide or creating a giant desert because of poor soil management practices.

Games

Life is like a game of cards. The hand you're dealt is determinism;

 the way you play it is free will.

~ Jawaharlal Nehru

- - - - -

When this game originally came out it was called "Yatzie." What a stupid name. I'm so glad they changed it.

Sunrise

There will be good days and bad, which means that some days I may be cranky and some days really cranky!

~ Peter Jennings

- - - - -

The other day I had to go to campus for a meeting. It turned out to be a pretty great meeting, but that isn't my point.

My point is that I wasn't excited about driving to campus for a meeting on a Saturday. 

When you get in your car a little earlier than you wanted and you’re a little grumpier than you would prefer and

NOTHIN’ COULD BE FINER THAN TO BE IN CAROLINA IN THE MOOORNING by Dean Martin comes on.

Then you have to go around the building because they are refinishing the front doors, but you encounter a puppy named “Sully” and get to pet her.

And then you get to your office and have this note on the door and you RE-realize that you have the chance to work with some of the best students ever...

Sometimes it takes too much work to be grumpy, so you might as well be in a decent mood.

But my point isn't that you shouldn't be grumpy, either. That was my point in my FB post, but not now. Today my point is that when I got in my car to drive home from the meeting that day, the song that came on my iPod was "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch," by Thurl Ravenscroft.

My point is that the universe will play jokes on you and you may not think they are funny or you may think they are funny. Either way, you are correct.

Also my point is - how great a name is "Thurl Ravenscroft"?!!!

Babies

New birth, new blessings.

~ Laila Gifty Akita

- - - - -

You know how when babies are learning to walk and they walk a little bit and then just sit down really hard. Who do they think they're fooling? We know they didn't just suddenly decide to sit down. We know they FELL down. 

Babies are fakers.

Signs

A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.

~ Steven Wright

- - - - -

If I were to choose three or four signs to put on a tree in front of my house, I wouldn't.

Frank

I always tried to do the best. I knew I couldn't always be the best, but I tried to be.

~ Frank Robinson

- - - - -

My mentor Frank used to sign notes, "I'm glad you're here." I do that now sometimes, but not for everyone. Let's be honest, I'm not glad everyone is here. 

Now you're going to go back and look at all the notes I sent you and see if I wrote that to you. If yes - be grateful. If no - try to think about what you did wrong.