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If we are good to people then we are reciprocated in the same manner but if we are bad to them then we will most obviously be paid in the same coin.

~ Atharva Veda

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As I prepare to start at a new semester, I have been reflecting on how I have tried to help others adjust when they have joined an institution where I was and where  I had connections and knowledge.  I like helping people. 

Here is an example of a time I tried to help colleagues who were new to Iowa State with the benefits process at ISU.

Don't forget to ask for the following benefits (these are ones they won't give you unless you specifically ask):

1. Oat bran benefit (once a month breakfast delivered to your home).
2. Free staff tap dancing lessons every other Thursday.
3. Left earlobe dismemberment insurance.
4. Microchip implants so you don't get lost on campus.
5. Free fruitcake Fridays (if any holiday you celebrate falls on a Friday in December - you get a free fruitcake).
6. Pass to pet the butter cow at the Iowa State Fair.
7. Body art insurance (in case any tattoos or piercings are damaged in the process of performing your duties).
8. Free tickets to all ISU NCAA Baseball games.

If they act like they don't know what you're talking about, don't be afraid to get a little belligerent and start demanding what is rightfully yours.  They take that kind of behavior as an act of confidence and may even throw in the following free gifts:

1. Goose bite first aid kit.
2. Free Memorial Union bowling glove.
3. A copy of "How to Lose Your Minnesota Accent in Order to Survive and Thrive."
4. A one hour Sally Deters seminar on tape, "I Graduated from UNI and Now I am Working at ISU: How Do I Cope?"  NOTE:  This tape contains adult language and themes and should not be played in the presence of young children or people with heart conditions.


I hope no one tries to be helpful to me in the way I tried to be helpful to others.