Fear

Laughter is poison to fear.

~ George R. R. Martin

- - - - -

You know what else is poison to fear? Antifreeze. At least it is if Fear is the name of a skunk - and that could be a thing. Fear the skunk.

Evil

If I exorcise my devils, all my angels may go, too.

~ Tom Waits

- - - - -

I'm surprised there is as much evil in the world as there appears to be. One would think with people recommending 20 minutes of exorcise at least three times a week that we'd be rid of a lot of it.

Lullabies

You are my sun,

my moon,

and all of my stars.

~ e. e. cummings

- - - - -

The first time Leslie met Ezra, she sang to him. 
She sang the Bill Murray lyrics to "Star Wars" from Saturday Night Live (Episode 56 which aired during season three).

I don't know what that does to a baby, but hold on because we're about to find out!

Fair

Life's not fair. Why should it be?

~ Margaret Atwood

- - - - -

I don't know why they call it a fair. I don't think it's fair that I have to wait in line. I don't think that it's fair that rides cost money. I don't think that it's fair that they frickin' clowns EVERYWHERE.

Trapped

Yeah, as long as we know we're trapped 

we still have a chance to escape.

~ Sara Grant

- - - - -

I love this photo. In it we see a kid with a bug trapped under her had. She is riding on a school bus. Just as the bug is trapped under her hand, the kid is trapped in the school system and perpetuates privilege and power and diminishes her senses of agency and independence. 

Or maybe this was a bus headed to entomology camp. 

Joy

Find a place inside where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain.

~ Joseph Campbell

- - - - -

If you pay attention, you can see little signs of joy everywhere. If you don't pay attention they are still there, but you are missing out. And if you dwell on missing out on the little signs of joy then you're going to miss more of them. It's like a vicious circle. A vicious circle with a smiley face if you pay attention. And if you don't...  Well, there - you just made my point.

Sleeep

Sleep is the best meditation

~ The Dalai Lama

- - - - -

If you are ever out driving and you find yourself behind this car, be careful. There are a couple of things that could happen: 1. The driver could be asleep and cause and accident. 2. The driver could be a hypnotist and put you to sleep and you could cause an accident.

(pause)

Those are the only two possible things that could happen, so be careful.

Children

Children learn to smile from their parents.

~ Shinichi Suzuki

- - - - -

Sometimes when the kid with the cape says everyone should wear party hats, you wear party hats. Unless you're the baby brother. Then you don't have to. That's because the baby brother is the boss of everyone. He doesn't even realize his power.

But the kid with the cape realizes his power. And she is not always pleased about it. When he gets a little older she'll explain how things are SUPPOSED to work around here, buddy!

Barn

What is a farm but a mute gospel?

Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

Ken came from a family of very introverted barns. They sat. They held hay. They sheltered animals. They stored tools. Didn't say much. Didn't thrive on drama. Quiet, calm, simple barns.

But Ken wasn't like the others. He had bigger dreams and needed more out of his day than watching the sun rise and later watching the sun set. He wanted action. He wanted distraction. He wanted the satisfaction of the occasional infraction.

Ken was a different kind of barn. In fact the elders could be heard whispering to one another with disappointment and disdain in their voices, "That Ken... he was barn to be wild."

Breakfast

The land of embarrassment and breakfast.

~ Julian Barnes

- - - - -

Breakfast might be the most important meal of the day, but you forget that if it's dinner time and you're hungry.

In that case maybe breakfast is the most self-important meal of the day.

Karma

People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply; by the lives they lead.

~ Edith Wharton

- - - - -

Karma is a mystery. You don't know when it's going to happy and you don't always realize why it's going to happen. 

Like this text. I have no idea what it was about.

Bats

Wind warns November's done with. 

The blown leaves make bat-shapes,

Web-winged and furious.

~ Sylvia Plath

- - - - -

When we were in Canada, I went and got Leslie. I said, "Um... can you come with me? I think there are a couple of bats in the other room." There had been bats in the cabin in past years, so it seemed believable.

When I showed her these two bats, she was not amused.

I just don't know what's wrong with Leslie sometimes. Sometimes I DO know what's wrong and it's usually because of something I have said, but this time... I have to tell you - I was at a loss.

Learning

Success isn't about the end result. 

It's about what you learn along the way.

~ Vera Wang

- - - - -

I learned that whoever had this magazine before me doesn't understand the concept of crossword puzzles.

Zak

It would be judicious to act with magnanimity towards a prostrate foe.

~ Zachary Taylor

- - - - -

Today is Zak's birthday.
He is two years old.
He was named in honor of Zachary Taylor the 12th president of the United States. His parents both desperately hope Zak will grow up to be a member of the Whig party and reluctantly run for president.

That's not true. I made it up.

But take a look at the photo below and you will notice a striking resemblance between Zak Boettcher and Zachary Taylor. It's a little creepy.

Happy birthday, Zak.

Boettcher.

Fireplace

My passions have never jumped out of the fireplace and set fire to the carpet.

~ Mason Cooley

- - - - -

Fireplace.

So why isn't a sink or tub a "waterplace?" 
Why isn't a closet a "clothes place?" 
Why isn't a refrigerator a "foodplace?" 
Why isn't a bank going to give me a bunch of free money?

Barn

Having been let out of the barn once, I know I wouldn't be happy if I were at home all the time.

~ Meryl Streep

- - - - -

I love to drive around and take pictures.  I like to take pictures of barns.  You'd think that would be a relatively risk-free endeavor.  You can usually get a good picture of a barn just by pulling slightly off the road and taking the photo without even getting out of your car.

Well, sometimes there is more to it than that...  Like the time I pulled off and took a picture of a barn. Then as I was driving (in the middle of no where) I was being pursued.  It took me a while to know for sure that I was being followed, but when I realized that was the case, I pulled over next to a house where a guy was out mowing his yard.

The van behind me pulled up and the man and woman said, "You gonna go back and get the kittens you dumped in that barn?!"

After a brief discussion, I convinced them I was not a cat-dumper type of person.  Well, I don't know if I convinced them or not, but we concluded our dialogue.

Now, as if that wasn't strange enough, the next week I shared this story in class.  Afterward I got a message from one of the people in class that a friend of hers had a cat and kittens stolen.  She wondered if I could share where the barn was in case it was the same cat and kittens.  I shared and she said it was probably too far from where her friend had lived to be the same cat and kittens.

I could write something about curiosity and cats, but that would be cliche.

Instead, I'll share that those people who chased me around on those dirt roads freaked me out. 

I should have taken a picture of them... though I suspect that would not have deescalated the situation.

Mailboxes

My favorite review described me as the cinematic equivalent of junk mail. I don't know what that means, but it sounds like a dig.

~ Steve Buscemi

- - - - -

You might think that the dramatic increase in the number of mailbox doors that are stolen is because people aren't reporting the damage. You'd be wrong. They ARE reporting the damage, unfortunately they are doing it by sending letters and without doors on their mailboxes the letters all blow away.

Ready

The world is always ready to receive talent with open arms. Very often it does not know what to do with genius.

~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

- - - - -

I saw this in South Carolina last fall. I love seeing things like this. I have never seen anything like this before, so I guess I just loved seeing this thing.

I don't think they were roadside casket-sellers, but they may have been. I wasn't ready to go up and ask for more information.

Sitting

If I had a free afternoon I would, play music, 

sit in my backyard, and drink coffee.

~ Aja Naomi King

- - - - -

Is there any such thing as a "free" afternoon? I'm not sure. Ultimately, everything comes with a cost. Especially receipts.

Ribs

Expect problems and eat them for breakfast.

~ Alfred A Montapert

- - - - -

I think "breakfast ribs" is a good idea. Who wouldn't jump out of bed in the morning if they knew they were getting ribs for breakfast?

Maybe vegans. But vegans are full of contradictions. Like carrot cake. Carrot cake isn't vegan. You probably could make it vegan somehow...  but then it wouldn't be very good carrot cake. That is, if you believe in such a things as "very good carrot cake."

I do believe in that. I also believe the "breakfast ribs" is a good idea.

Family

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

- - - - -

So I spent a day working the garage. I cleaned and organized the garage. I stained some furniture. I liked it. Well, other than my allergies. I didn't like that.

It reminded me of my dad and how he used to say, "Why don't you go clean out the garage?" And how we didn't have a garage.

Fancy

I'm not fancy. I'm what I appear to be.

~ Janet Reno

- - - - -

I think that this guy serving the Past and the sandwich is fancy. In fact, the sandwich itself is kind of fancy. I hope that this guy is serving himself the fancy sandwich and the Pabst. I hope he works as a plumber or a lumberjack and he comes home at night and gets cleaned up and dressed up and serves himself a fancy sandwich and a Pabst beer.

I'd like to know what that guy's dreams are. I bet they are pretty noteworthy.

Frank

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.

~ Mignon McLaughlin

- - - - -

I mostly like frank humans. But if you see someone being frank and drinking out of a huge beer holder, they are NOT a frank human. They are a frank and stein human.

Also, I mostly don't need you to be a frank human with me in terms of what you think about this post.

Radio

In radio you have two tools: sound and silence.

~ Ira Glass

- - - - -

Unless it's a clock radio. Then you also have the tool of time. 

Entrance

Look on every exit as being an entrance to somewhere else.

~ Tom Stoppard

- - - - -

This sign outrages me.
I don't think the place should ban just bullies from America. We need to say no to bullies from everywhere. I'm anti-bullying on a global level.

Scary

Nothing scares me more than people with some doll collection.

~ Karl Lagerfeld

- - - - -

Really, Karl?!  REALLY??

I don't believe that for a second. While I don't enjoy dolls, and I wonder about people who collect them, there are lots of things more scary than that.

I think maybe Karl Lagerfeld is a liar.

Also... Happy birthday, Karl Lagerfeld.

Sarcastic

It's hard to find any good quotes about being sarcastic.

~ Michelle Boettcher

- - - - -

You know, you can't spell "sarcastic" without "care." Well, you can if you want to spell sarcastic right, but what's the fun in that.

Maybe I should say, "You know, you can't spell 'sarcastic' without 'scar.'"

Yep. That's about right.

Mom

Perhaps it takes courage to raise children.

~ John Steinbeck

- - - - -

My mom is a good sport. She has to be with her children. I would say it takes a lot of patience, but ye reap what ye sow, Mom. Ye sowed us. And forced us to use the pronoun "ye."

But in addition to sarcasm and practical jokes, we also do nice things for her. Like when we helped with her iPad. She was pretty grateful. I know that is true because I heard her tell someone on the phone, "They put candy something on my iPad." If that's not gratitude, I don't know what is.

It's possible I don't know exactly what gratitude is.

Army photo

Be as you wish to seem.

~ Socrates

- - - - -

Early drafts of this quote (as read in Socrates' journal):

"Be as you wish to be."

"Seem to be as you wish you were."

"If wishes were pennies, we'd all be rich."

"The old man and the seem."

"To seem or not to seem, that is the question."

"AAAAAAHHHH!  BEE!"

Learning

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.

~ Oscar Wilde

- - - - -

Don't worry. He's not talking about me. I learn things every day. Like quantum physics and thermodynamics. Or like electromagnetic field theory and neuroscience. I learn that those things are really hard and I should try to learn different things.

Education rocks.

Reflection

Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

- - - - -

Leslie thinks sometimes I project my own feelings onto her when I write things. I heard the phrase "unreliable narrator" somewhere the other day and wondered if that was what she meant. 

It's hard to tell what she means when she says to me, "You're an unreliable narrator." 

Past

Time and memory are true artists; they remould reality nearer to the heart's desire.

~ John Dewey

- - - - -

I see people posting all these "Post if you remember this!" things. I never do them. In fact, the other day I saw someone who put, "Post if you remember this!" with a picture of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.

I remember that.

I had it for lunch about two weeks ago.

(pause)

Why was that a thing to post?

People are so weird. It's not like tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches no longer exist.

Dear Everyone,

I don't understand you.

Love, Michelle

Saving

Only I can change my life. 

No one can do it for me.

~ Carol Burnett

- - - - -

We have to take responsibility for ourselves eventually. I mean, I guess we don't, but I know some people who don't and - I won't call them pathetic... I'll call them sad. They are helpless - or they think they are helpless. They get to the point where they absolutely canNOT do anything for themselves. They cry a lot. And sleep a lot. And eat a lot.

Newborn babies need to grow up and take responsibility for themselves!!!

Dog

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.

~ Orhan Pamuk

- - - - -

Pay attention.

People will show you who they are, you don't have to listen to what they say.

Which is why job interviews don't make any sense. As my brilliant friend Sara always used to say to me, "After an interview all you know about a person is whether or not they interview well."

Which is why it would be a lot easier if you had a job to hire dogs. You'd know right away if they were right for the job or not. And they'd probably be right for most all the jobs. Except those requiring opposable thumbs.

Wizard

The wizards represent all that the true muggle most fears: They are plainly outcasts and comfortable with being so. Nothing is more unnerving to the truly conventional than the unashamed misfit.

~ J. K. Rowling

- - - - -

"Do you want to be a wizard when you grow up?" the old man asked the little boy.

The little boy was confused. He thought maybe the old man was confused. Wasn't a wizard something you were rather than something you became? Aren't wizards born and not made?

Then the boy realized what the man - who had been slurring his words because of all the alcohol - actually said was, "If you eat that lizard you'll throw up!"

He started to laugh but instead he pointed at a pretty flower and ran away when the old man looked at it.

Maybe the boy - who disappeared to safety and escaped the old man - was a wizard all along.

Pinecone

Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone? That way, he learns that "wishing" isn't going to save our national forests!

~ Jack Handey

- - - - -

My mom has some sayings about wishing:

1. If wishes were pennies we'd all be rich.
2. It ain't what you want, but what you get that makes you fat.

My mom is pretty much a guru. A dream-stifling guru.

Building

Instead of building walls, we should be building bridges.

~ Vicente Fox

- - - - -

I hate it when there's a big sign out front that says "Open House" and you go up and the door is locked and then some yahoo has called the police because it's the MAYBE 15th or 16th time - TOPS - you've tried to get into that place. And the police say there's something called a "retraining order" but you explain - again for the 15th or 16th - well maybe a few more times than that - that you don't need to be retrained. And then they babble and get mad when you try to run around the house to check the back door.

I mean, why is that sign even there?

Dorothy

A place where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto? There must be. It's not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away. Behind the moon, beyond the rain... 

~ Dorothy Gale, Wizard of Oz

- - - - -

They all told Dolores she was too old to play Dorothy in the high school play. They also said she couldn't be in the play because she wasn't in high school anymore. But if Dolores allowed people to stop her just by saying she couldn't do something, she never would have started "Dolores High School" where she got to star in "The Wizard of Oz" (though attendance was pretty low). 

The ironic thing is that the DHS got called on Dolores High School (also DHS) when Dolores tried a new education practice of "forced enrollment" by hijacking a school bus. 

Which do I mean - Department of Human Services or Department of Homeland Security, you ask? Yes. Yes, I do.

Seat

There can only be one person in the driver's seat.

~ Alanis Morrisette

- - - - -

Perhaps, but there can be more than one personality in the driver's seat. If you don't believe me, just ride along with Leslie when she's behind someone who doesn't use their turn signal, has to come to a complete stop before making a turn, etc. One moment you're riding along with the nicest person in the world. The next minute you're riding along with someone who is not the nicest person in the world. 

But we all have pet peeves about driving, right? Especially children because they don't get to drive very often. However, when little children who don't know how to drive are out there driving irresponsibly, you can bet that Leslie is probably in the car behind them swearing her head off.

And seriously, Leslie! How do you expect them to learn with you screaming at them?!

Plant

There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments.

~ Janet Kilbourn Philips

- - - - -

The isn't a picture of what we grew this summer. We grew tomatoes and peppers and basil. But if we had grown this in our garden and realized it wasn't a vegetable, we would call it an experiment.

That's a lie. We wouldn't call it anything. We probably would have pulled it and thrown it aside as a weed. And then we wouldn't have this pretty picture.

That reminds me of the old saying, "A pretty picture of a weed is nice."

Granted it's not a common saying.

Oz

Scarecrow: Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?

~ Wizard of Oz

- - - - -

If I was a dentist, I'd call my practice the "Wizard of Aahs." People would like that and they'd think, "Now here's a dentist with a sense of humor." They'd come in and be all relaxed. 

The best part of it is when they come in and instead of working their teeth I do brain surgery on them or give them a heart transplant. Then they'll see how powerful I REALLY am.

Porch

True luxury is being able to own your time -- to be able to take a walk, sit on your porch, read the paper, not take the call, not be compelled by obligation.

~ Ashton Kutcher

- - - - -

I don't know that I think we ever really own time. I think we all have time. Some of us get the freedom (luxury... privilege...) to decide how to use that time. Others don't.

But then time is made up anyway, right? That's why I don't wear a watch. And when I'm late and people get mad I just scream, "TIME IS AN ILLUSION!" and then I pull a rabbit out of my hat.

They forget I'm late because they get to play with a little rabbit.

Octopus

In their brief time together Slothrop forms the impression 

that this octopus is not in good mental health, 

though where's his basis for comparing?

~ Thomas Pynchon

- - - - -

This is a gift I got from Kirk and Jared.

I love it.

The octopus is attacking the ship and bringing it under the sea with it.  And that is how I feel about my relationships with other people. I just want to grab them and drown them!

Not really.  To be totally honest, I'd rather not touch most people.

Dancing

Dance when you're broken open. Dance if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.

~ Rumi

- - - - -

I love wisdom in unexpected places. If you listen, there is wisdom all around us.

Like the other day I was in line for the bathroom and a woman said, "If you really have to pee and you dance to 'All the Single Ladies' then you won't wet yourself."

She was talking to her friend and maybe didn't know I was standing behind her. 

Listening.

To her wisdom.

Was it creepy? Well, that's not really the purpose of this post so we can discuss it another time.

Paddling

You don't paddle against the current, you paddle with it. And if you get good at it, you throw away the oars.

~ Kris Kristopherson

- - - - -

Oar do you...?

Doris

A story is how we construct our experiences.

~ Doris Lessing

- - - - -

My friend Amanda posts stories about her kids a lot. I love those stories. One of my favorite characters in her stories is "Doris." Doris' is Amanda's daughter when she is being... Outspoken. Fierce. Strong-willed. Maybe even obstinate.

I wanted to share a Doris example in this post, so I wrote Amanda and asked if she'd be okay with that. Here is the response:

I asked. I was actually nervous, but she said, "Hell if I care. Nobody listens to a damn thing I say in person. Probably won't read me in print either." I think that's a yes. Let me know if you need help tracking one down.

I think I love Doris because she is what we all should aspire to be - honest, funny, and -- that's it. Just honest and funny.

Thanks, Doris. Thanks, Amanda.

Flavor

Variety's the very spice of life,

That gives it all its flavor.

~ William Cowper

- - - - -

About a year ago when Erik was finishing chemo, he couldn't really taste anything. That said, one time Mom made mashed potatoes with dinner. This is a pretty big deal because growing up we only had boiled potatoes never mashed potatoes. I asked why we were having mashed potatoes. Erik said, "Chemo!" implying that since he was sick he could get whatever he wanted.

Then he also ate Toxic Waste candy because he could almost taste that.

Is this my not-so-subtle way of suggesting that someone come up with Toxic Waste candy-flavored mashed potatoes for people whose sense of taste is compromised?

No.

Duck

I've always said the rubber duck is a yellow catalyst.

~ Florentjin Hoffman

- - - - -

I've always said, "Rubber ducks?! I LOVE rubber ducks!"

Except before I could talk. Then I said, "goobledy ga du bubububuh," and who knows what the hell I meant by that?!

Business

In department stores, so much kitchen equipment is bought indiscriminately by people who just come in for men's underwear.

~ Julia Child

- - - - -

On a recent visit to see my brother and his family, we were talking about a friend of his (and now a friend of mine) who is in the food business. She is doing quite well. Actually, this is how Kirk put it:

"Her business is taking off like nobody's..."

He stopped himself before finishing the sentence. 

It was a good visit. And it is very, very good food.