Things

 Actual fact: You could make an entire second world out of what people throw out.

~ Barbara Kingsolver

- - - - -

In fact, some people do make their world out of what other people throw out - some by choice others by circumstance. Others because they own a pickup truck and can't drive by things sitting on a curb.

Attention

Tell me what you pay attention to, and I will tell you who you are.

~ Jose Ortega y Gasset

- - - - -

 If you ever wonder what faculty members are looking at during faculty meetings, it's this.

Web

Being a good digital citizen means recognizing and understanding the impact that the world wide web has on the virtual population and a commitment to adding valuable content whenever and wherever possible.

~ Germany Kent

- - - - - 

When they call the internet the World Wide Web, I get it. Just like a spider web, you can get trapped in the World Wide Web. You can get tangled up in what you are exploring or trying to learn more about. And, just like a spider web, if you don't break free, a spider will come and suck out all your bodily fluids.

Seeing

The value of experience is not in seeing much but in seeing wisely.

~ William Osler

- - - - -

Leslie: Is that a Viewmaster?

Me: No, it's a hand dryer in a gas station restroom.

(pause)

I wish it had been a giant Viewmaster in the bathroom. But I'm not sure what sorts of images would be on the reel. 

(pause)

Never mind. Let's just stick with hand dryers in gas station restrooms.

Phillip

The earth drinks all that's left of you and asks for more.

~ Philip Levine

- - - - -

If you find your value only on the terms of others (people, workplaces, churches, schools...), then you are not the boss of you. It's good for you to be the boss of you.

Especially when you do what I say.
 

Going

I may not have ended up where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I am intended to be.

~ Douglas Adams

- - - - -

Sometimes I think about the next trip I will take. In all honesty, I like to have at least a couple of trips on the calendar so that when one ends, I have another to look forward to. 

But life itself is a trip. We are always headed somewhere. We are always en route to something. We have to focus on where we are going, but not at the risk of what we pass by.

It might slow us down, but that just means we will arrive when we are supposed to. 

Note: This is a story you can use if you show up late for something. You're welcome.

Unattractive

Beauty is the illumination of your soul.

~ John O'Donahue

- - - - -

This baby's soul is comprised of mud and onions and lemon peel and shoes with a little bit of dog poo on them. Given that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, this is a piece of art for people with mud and onions and lemon peel and shoes with a little bit of dog poo on them in their eyes.

 

Cart

I'd like to get four people who do cartwheels very good, and make a cart.

~ Mitch Hedberg

- - - - -

A lot of times you hear people say, "I'm not doing this right now!" Sometimes it is when someone is in a fight with another person. They are fighting but then say, "I'm not doing this right now!" when CLEARLY they ARE doing it right then.

The person with this cart though, they really were NOT doing this right now. 

Privacy

Imagine for yourself a character, a model personality, whose example you determine to follow, in private as well as in public.

~ Epictetus

- - - - -

Overheard at the home of someone I know.

Parent to child in the bathroom in their home: Don't play with your penis in public. We don't do that.

Child: I'm not in public.

Repairs

Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on what we are waiting for.

~ Charles Stanley

- - - - -

It's good to be patient when your shoes are being repaired because where are you going to go with no shoes?

Odors

There was an odor about him which I could not help but be aware of. It was a melange of bay rum, wet ashes, and tabac gris tinctured with a dash of some elusive, elegant perfume. 

~ Henry Miller

- - - - -

 
Leslie: (about a character on TV) The thing I don't like about him is you know he wears some kind of cologne that's stinky. I don't know what it's called, but I know what it smells like.

Predictions

Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window."

Peter F. Drucker

- - - - -

I like to read horoscopes. I don't necessarily believe in them. Well, I do if they say good things for me. If not, I think they mean nothing.

A few weeks ago, I read the following:

"You are like the bubbles in a glass of champagne today: Full of effervescent energy that lifts the modds of people around you..." No. I am never like that.

"... And just like champagne, you'll have quite an intoxicating effect on the people who come into extended contact with you..." I was on the road by myself, driving for about 14 hours that day.

"... This is your chance to build on the promising spirit of a new relationship and get a lot closer to someone you find very interesting..." Again, driving. Alone. All day.

"... Unleash all your charm, no holds barred, and you'll get amazing results."

Of course, I do enjoy my own company. I did enjoy that trip. I do find myself very interesting.

Well done, horoscope. Well done.

School

I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

~ Winston Churchill

- - - - -

Classes start on my campus this week. However, learning started before this. Like last week when faculty went, "OH MY GOSH! CLASSES START NEXT WEEK!!!"

 

Sigh

Move your feet,

Lose your seat.

~ American Proverb

- - - - -

You get up to go to the bathroom and lose your spot. Just the way things are. 

 

Light

No situation is so dark that there is not a ray of light!

~ Norman Vincent Peale

- - - - -

I have an idea for a horrible app. Here it is: there is a special light on your phone that exposes bodily fluids on things without having to spray them with luminol. It would be really popular. And super gross.

 

Rulers

The mob reigns but does not rule.

~ Marty Rubin

- - - - -

We may not always get to choose our rulers, but we can choose whom to follow. When we DO get to choose our rulers, choose the kind that is color and transparent. I had a blue ruler like that one time. I really liked it.

Judgment

Can you look without the voice in your head commenting, drawing conclusions, comparing, or trying to figure something out?

~ Eckhart Tolle

- - - - -

Cleotine didn't like the china her daughter-in-law selected. Every time the place settings were out, Cloetine looked at the plates with disdain. 

Exist

Make it simple. Make it memorable. Make it inviting to look at. Make it fun to read.

~ Leo Burnett

- - - - -

I think a lot of times people carve messages into bathroom doors or scrawl a message with a marker there just so that the world knows that they exist. 

And also to call out other people's sexual behaviors

Rules

Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.

~ Dalai Lama XIV

- - - - -

Zak didn't cheat at this game when I visited him. Was I disappointed? No. 

Not yet.
 

Thoughts

With the new day comes new strengths and new thoughts.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

- - - - -

Even if you are full of thoughts, that does not necessarily mean that you are thoughtful. Like Lily... she is a great dog, but she is not always thoughtful. Sometimes I want to sleep in, and she makes me get up. Sometimes she wants my food. Sometimes she steals my seat.

"What is she thinking?!" I sometimes wonder.

"I want this," is probably the answer.

(pause)

I love her so much.

 

Mistakes

Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?

~ Lucy Maud Montgomery

- - - - -

As you begin this new week in this new year, I encourage you to not have arguments on your cell phone while you're in the grocery store. Everyone can hear you, and even if you are "right" you look ridiculous.  I hope you find this tip helpful. If not, I hope you follow the advice anyway. 

New

The magic in new beginnings is truly the most powerful of them all.

~ Josiyah Martin

- - - - -

Okay, 2023, I'm glad you're here. Let's get a few things straight before we get too far into this relationship, okay? My expectations:

1. None.

If I don't have any expectations, you can't let me down, right? 

We'll see.
 

Roads

If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.

~ Dolly Parton

- - - - -

December 31st is one of my favorite days of the year. It is a day for looking back and looking ahead. It is a day for celebrating, commemorating, and deliberating. 

Depending on what you're eating, it may also be a time for refrigerating. If you don't do that, it could lead to a time of regurgitating. And if you do that on someone's new clothes they got over the holidays, it could lead to vituperating, which may be exasperating.

But I digress. My point is that it's good to think today.

(pause)

And every day.
 

Interesting

If you write what you yourself sincerely think and feel and are interested in, the chances are very high that you will interest other people as well. 

~ Rachel Carson

- - - - -

Teaching is the same. Bring enthusiasm and a sense of interest to your classroom, and you will draw others into the learning. Write with enthusiasm about your areas of interest, and you will draw others into the reading. 

It doesn't work for everything, though. For instance, I don't care how enthusiastic you are about your collection of ceramic doll heads which you display in a room lighted by the anise-scented candles you make, I'm not going in there.

Attention

To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.

~ Mary Oliver

- - - - -

Every place has a name. It might be a name we give it or a name others have given it. Regardless, it is precise and the true name of a place is not a name that is shared with any other place. 

The place in the photos above is named "Specific." That is the one true and precise name of this place. Specific Alley.

Life

Life's not fair; Why should I be?

~ Margaret Atwood

- - - - -

So I ordered something recently - a set of motivational cards. The very first one said, "Noting in life is fair (tough shit)." Noting. I think it should have said "Nothing" but it didn't. And that seemed even funnier than what they were probably trying to say.

Sibling

Siblings that say they never fight, most definitely are hiding something.

~Lemony Snicket

- - - - -

I always think of Kirk when I hear that one Tina Turner song. I figure he must sing it when he is thinking about how lucky he is to know me. You know the song. I think it was on Schitt's Creek. "Your Sibling's the Best!"

You're right, Kirk. I am.

Kirk

What strange creatures brothers are!

~ Jane Austen

- - - - -

When I went to visit Kirk and his family a couple of weeks ago, I saw this truck around Greenville. It made me think of Kirk because the mud flap says Kirk. It doesn't take much for me to think of Kirk when I see the word "Kirk".

Christmas

"Today is one of the top days for cooking fires in Iowa and the rest of the nation..."

~ Iowa Public Radio

- - - - -

This is what I heard when I turned on IPR on Christmas morning 2021. It might make you sad, but - hey! - truth is truth. It really isn't safe to roast those chestnuts on an open fire...

(pause)

... in the kitchen.

Electricity

Electricity is really just organized lighting.

~ George Carlin

- - - - -

It is the holiday season today and other days. We have been without electricity for more than 12 hours after being without it for about nine hours. I'm not mad about it. We had some nice conversations and naps, and I did some leisure reading. I wouldn't have done a lot of those things if we had electricity.

Know what else I wouldn't have done if we had electricity? I wouldn't have been freezing and walking around in three layers of clothes with a hood up most of the day. They call Anderson the Electric City. Thats' what they call it. 

But I won't complain... because I just did that in the previous paragraph. 

P.S. Electricity really is organized because my computer shut down as I was typing this. Clever, electricity. Very clever.
 

Waiting

We are not born to wait. We are born to do.

~ Dean Koontz

- - - - -

We are not born to wait. We are born to do.

 ~ Lily Gladys waiting to open her holiday gifts.

 

Christmas

We've made ourselves miserable with wanting.

~ Mercy Torres

- - - - -

As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter because the things you want are so much more expensive. And you forget what you were going to write down. And your hand gets tired. And you know you're probably getting slippers so why even make a list?!

 

Winter

What good is the warmth of summer without the cold of winter to give it sweetness?

~ John Steinbeck

- - - - - 

This is a pretty summer-centric way of looking at the seasons. What good is the cold of winter without the warmth of summer to give it sweetness, huh?! What good is that? Or what good is the coolness of fall without the coolness of spring... Don't distract me. Let's just stick with summer and winter, okay? What about that?

Rehayndeer

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves.

~ Francois de la Rouchfoucauld

- - - - -

A hay bale dressing up as a reindeer is ridiculous. Reindeer EAT hay. That's like a pig dressing up like a person. NO, I'm not talking about

Miss Piggy. She is a puppet. I'm talking about Porky Pig.

 

Food

"Canned food is a perversion," Ignatius said. "I suspect that it is ultimately very damaging to the soul."

~ John Kennedy Toole

- - - - -

I usually hate it when people give their opinion about shows they haven't watched or books they haven't read or food they have tried. However, I'm going to do that right now. I have not tried "Spaghetti's Beefy TacOs," but I suspect they should have been called "Beefy TacUh-Os". Or perhaps I just don't have the palate for that.

I almost put that I might not have the pallet for that. Truth is, I don't have a pallet for Beefy TacOs, either.

Sunrise

It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom.

~ Aristotle

- - - - -

I love mornings. I am usually up before sunrise. For me, sunrises are about hope and the potential of the day. Most anything is possible around sunrise. So many hopes for the day.

Leslie usually hopes she doesn't have to get up at sunrise. 

That's okay. I still like her.

 

Hot

When you're hot, you're hot.

When you're not, you're not.

~ Jerry Reed

- - - - -

Working drafts of this sign included:

Feeling warm? Get in here before you burn in hell.

Feeling warm? Join us - this is where all the "cool" kids are.

Feeling warm? This church is air-conditioned.

Fence

The wide world is all about you; you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot forever fence it out.

~ J. R. R. Tolkein

- - - - -

A fence without a gate is a cage. A gate without a fence is full of wasps and if you play around it, you're going to get stung a bunch of times by your eye. Well, at least that's what happened to me. 

Help

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention.

~ Oscar Wilde

- - - - -

       Overheard...

       Parent: We put aside money to help people.

       Child: I think I might use my money for Pokemon cards.

       Parent: No.

       Child: I mean to help people.

       Parent: Like how?

       Child: Like when one time we saw a guy who needed help when   

                  we were driving home.

       Parent: Yes! Exactly. And what did we do?

       Child: We didn't really have anything, so we just drove home. 

 

 

 

Play

All meaningful, organic, and foundational learning is at heart playful and ludic.

~ Marcelo Suarez-Orozco

- - - - -

I'm not sure what you do when you tell a kid he can't get up until 7:00 a.m. and he keeps getting up and talking and playing in his room and then you go up and tell him he needs to stay in bed and be quiet until 7:00 a.m. like you told him and you close his door and walk downstairs just as the cuckoo clock is cuckoo-ing that it's 7:00 a.m.

Gas

Your old road is rapidly agin'

Please get out of the new on 

if you can't lend a hand

'cause the times, they are a-changin'

~ Bob Dylan

- - - - -

"Hey! Michelle! Go to that gas station up the road! The gas is $2.59 cheaper!" you scream.

"That gas station is closed and has been for years," I say calmly. "Also," I add, "Please don't scream at me when I'm driving."

 

Mythology

Anyone can nurture a myth about their life if they have enough manure.

~ Fredrik Backman

- - - - -

I guess that means that they can nurture a garden about their life too. Of course, it would be a shitty garden.

 

Nap

I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.

~ Yogi Berra

- - - - -

Lily is excellent at napping. She can do it most anywhere and in a number of odd positions. 

(pause)

I need to add that to her resume.

 

Lines

 Life and death are one thread, the same line viewed from different sides.

~ Lao Tzu

- - - - -

What if, after we achieved something great, we crossed a line and got a trip to Finland? We'd be pretty excited to reach the Finnish Line, I bet.

Teaching

The duties of a teacher are neither few nor small, but they elevate the mind and give energy to the character.

~ Dorothea Dix

- - - - -

The best part of this post is that there were seven "likes" right away from former students. Not a single one of them chose the laughing emoji. I said what I said. My students know.

 

Spiders

Man did not weave the web of life.

He is merely a strand in it.

Whatever he does to the web,

He does to himself.

~ Chief Seattle

- - - - -

This past summer I saw a black widow in our garden box. It ran away, so I sat down and looked up black widows on my phone. All I can say is that the first full page of information was about the comic book character. I was mildly annoyed and inconvenienced.

But then I thought, "What if I had just been bitten? What if I was not sure what to do and I was looking up what to do about a black widow spider bite?!" 

Was I angry at Scarlett Johansson? No. Of course not. She doesn't control the internet. 

(pause)

Or DOES she? She DOES play Black Widow... and it IS called the WORLD WIDE WEB. 

Coincidence? Future lawsuit? Conspiracy?

Tune in next week when we don't solve this mystery because we've moved on to something completely different.

Joy

If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment.

~ Carlos Santana

- - - - -

Maybe, Carlos Santana, but I'd still like to see the paramedics if I'm ever involved in a chainsaw accident.

Quirks

Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

- - - - -

I was watching a reality show and one of the men on the show used the word "manneurysms". I'm pretty sure he meant "mannerisms" as in quirks or gestures instead of "aneurysms" as in a bulging blood vessel, but I hope he said what he meant.