Storm

The more violent the storm, the quicker it passes.

~ Paul Coelho

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I recently got a very unkind email from a stranger about a thing. It doesn't matter what thing. I was really upset about it. I don't understand being unkind in olden times, and I really don't understand it in pandemic times. 

Leslie told me the message said more about the sender than it did about me.

Then I remembered something my mom used to say. When people would be lousy she would say things like, "Maybe they have a hard life. Pray for them."

So I will. I will pray for them to get struck by lightning.

Play?

It's a happy talent to know how to play.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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I love when my dog comes to the door to see if I can come out to play.

Rainbow

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down.

~ Charlie Chaplin

- - - - -

You won't find a rainbow looking down, but you might find the pile of horse shit that the dog was rolling in so you don't step in it.

(pause)

Or so I've heard.

 

Sweatpants

Whenever I go out with my friends, I'm like, "Can't I just wear sweatpants?"

~ Natalie Portman      

 - - - - - 

A pandemic will get you thinking about what is important. What isn't important is how you dress. What isn't important is how many hours you work. What isn't important is what other people think. What isn't important is all that superficial stuff.

"What IS important?" you ask? Well, I'm not the boss of you, but I think what is important is probably how much joy you have in your life, the people who are good to you, whether you are able to laugh and have fun, and having a good dog.

(pause)

Lily says it's just the good dog part that matters.

 

Youth

Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old. 

~ Franz Kafka

- - - - - 

Sometime you are going to know someone who giggles when they fart even if they are a grown adult. When you challenge them, you might hear them say that they are maintaining the exuberance of youth. When they say this, I recommend that you reply, "I encourage you to maintain that exuberance, just not the flatulence."

Of course this could be where the concept of an "old fart" comes from...

Light

May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out.

~ J. R. R. Tolkein

- - - - -

Dim streetlights are always a little mysterious and suspicious, I think. Who is hanging around those streetlights? Of course if it's the streetlight repair team, I shouldn't be so quick to judge.

"You should really NEVER be so quick to judge," you say?

Hm. I'm probably judging you for saying that. SUPERFAST.

Houseguests are like fish. After seven days they both stink.

~ Grouch Marx

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I think if you don't want guests to stay around too long you should build a guest house out of fish. Do that and guests will leave about the time you want them to. I think this is why some of the students at Iowa State hid an open can of tuna in Joe's office. I think this is also why Joe doesn't work at Iowa State anymore.

 

Joy

Let your joy be in your journey - not in some distant goal.

~ Tim Cook

- - - - -

If you have a dog face in your face, that's almost always a good thing.

Tractor

Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.

~ E. L. Doctorow

- - - - - 

I was told that when I was a child, maybe three or four or five, that I started my grandfather's tractor and started driving it. I was told my father had to jump up on the tractor to stop it or else I was going to run over my grandfather. I may have written about that before, but it seems like an anecdote worth retelling.

I don't know if this story is true or not, but it sounds like me. 

Policebank

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

~ Paula Poundstone

- - - - -

You would have to be pretty not smart to rob a policebank. Almost as not smart as if you tried to rob a policejeweler or a policegoldbars storage facility. Whoever came up with an idea for a policebank is pretty smart. Much smarter than the people who try to rob it.

Grocery

Star Trek characters never go shopping.

~ Douglas Coupland

- - - - -

So "grocer" means a dealer in quantity - like a gross of something. Many things come in grosses - black licorice, tuna casserole, Granny Smith apples, Alfredo sauce, etc. That stuff is all gross. Grosser than other stuff.

Hamburglar

He who has a why to live for can bear most any how.

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

- - - - - 

Doing some research for this blog I learned a lot more about the Hamburglar than I expected to when I entered "What did the Hamburglar used to say?" First, the answer is "Robble, Robble." Second, I had forgotten about Captain McCrook and some other things. Then I didn't know there was a new Hamburglar.

Maybe most importantly... While this Hamburglar doll was on sale in some antique-y place, who bought it to begin with?

Doors

A very little key will open a heavy door.

~ Charles Dickens

- - - - -

If you get deposed about a bunch of crimes you did and people ask you about those crimes and you say, "Um... I don't remember..." we all know you probably did those crimes OR the crime of forgetfulness. 

What does that have to do with little keys and heavy doors? Well, I think you know that. Or is that something else you "forgot"?

Night

Listen to them, the children of the night. What music they make.

~ Bram Stoker

- - - - -

I don't mind if children make music, so long as they don't sing. I hate the sound of children singings. No, it doesn't scare me. It makes me annoyed. Most children don't sound good when they sing. But if they can do a good instrumental cover of either "Enter Sandman" or "Two Doors Down"... Well, I might be okay with that.

Shed

Idiom: Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

- - - - - 

Idiot: Also, not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Minnie

Show business is made up of disappointments, and it's through life's disappointments that you grow.

~ Minnie Pearl

- - - - -

If this Minnie Mouse doll wanted to be in Toy Story, then this is a disappointment related to show business that will help her grow. She isn't in Toy Story. She's hanging out on a gate. This should help her grow. Except not. She's a stuffed animal. 

And for the kids out there who thought she was real, another disappointment. It will help you grow.

And for me who thinks relatively few people read this blog - hooray! There are some kids out there who read your blog!!
 

Mountains

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds.

~ Edward Abbey

- - - - -

Thanks... except for the lonesome part. Why'd you have to throw that in?

View

The only thing you sometimes have control over is perspective. You don't have control over your situation.  But you have a choice about how you view it.

~ Chris Pine

- - - - -

We were trying to hike to Max Patch when it rained. And rained. And then lightning started, so we didn't finish the hike. But it was still a great day. We saw a great storm, stopped and looked at a great barn, and had a great dinner. 

Am I always so upbeat and positive? Yep. Always. 

Leslie, not so much. She tends to see the silver lining in things. I see the PLATINUM lining.

Not that it's a competition. 

But if it was...

I would win.
 

Barn

Living in a rural setting exposes you to so many marvelous things -- the natural world and the particular texture of small town life, and the exhilarating texture of open space.

~ Susan Orlean

- - - - - 

I come from rural people. I love the quiet and the dark darkness at night and the sounds that you get comfortable with even if you aren't sure what they are. I feel better when I get a chance to be in quiet places. To see dark darkness where it is dark enough to see most all the stars we are capable of seeing.

No. Wait. I'm thinking of Hollywood. That's where you can see most all the stars we are capable of seeing. 

No. I was right the first time. I'm thinking of other stars. I think the cities where the movie and TV stars are the places that have caused so much light pollution. In some ways it is the fault of our stars we can't see our stars. 

(pause)

You can quote me on that... though I don't see why you would want to.

 

Sofa

Why don't you come up and have a little... scotch and sofa?

~ Mae West

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 This piece of furniture put the "ouch" in "couch." Here's hoping that 2022 for you is less of an "ouch" year and more of a year that puts the "love" in "loveseat" or the "sect" in sectional or the "fun" in "FUtoN".

Happy New Year.

P.S. And maybe actually not a "sect" year depending on what you're up to.