Autumn

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

~ Jack Handey

(incidentally, this is my favorite Jack Handey quote)

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Autumn is my favorite season and today is the first day of it. Clearly it is the best season since it has two names "Autumn" and "Fall." It's not like summer is called "Summer" and "Hotsie" or winter is called "Winter" and "WTF?!" Well, maybe some days it is.

But I digress...

One of the things that happens during autumn is a festival called "Halloween." If you've not heard of it, it is a time when some people in our culture celebrate the harvest and witchcraft and deception. We teach the offspring to disguise themselves so as to fool others into giving them candy. To teach the youngsters that nothing is free, they are encouraged to tell jokes in order to get candy.

Last year, Elizabeth came home and said she had a joke. "How do you wake up Lady Gaga?" she asked. "Pokerface!" she answered before I could respond. Elizabeth followed it up saying, "I'm not using that for Halloween, though, because old people don't even know Lady Gaga."

I bet Lady Gaga's elderly relatives -- Lady Grandma and Lady Grandpa -- know who she is.