Phone

I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do

that there will be someone on the other end.

~Fred Couples

- - - - -

I am about to go on a trip where I won't really have cell phone reception.  I think that will be good for me.  And good for everyone I know, too.  For a little while, it won't matter what you call me.  I won't answer.

Mushrooms

You must grow like a tree, not like a mushroom.

~ Janet Erskine Stuart

- - - - -

First of all, there aren't as many quotations about mushrooms as I expected there would be.  Second, most of the quotations about mushrooms are pretty negative.  Third, I think mushrooms would get more quotations and respect if they were called something other than "mushrooms."  For example, "Shade blossoms" or "Moisture blooms" or maybe if we just stressed the FUN part of fungi.

Anyway, these are some morels we found in our backyard with the help of our friend Jerry.  I love finding morels.  I am hoping more will grow next year.  

We gave them to our neighbors because:

1. We were leaving on vacation.

2. I am the only person at our house who eats morels.

3. Our neighbors are always giving us things.
4. Best to have a test group before eating things that randomly grow in your backyard.

Cards

A friend of mine once sent me a post card 

with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. 

On the back it said, "Wish you were here.

~ Steven Wright

- - - - -

I buy a lot of cards to send to people.  You know what, though?  They don't make "You're Welcome" cards.  I would buy and send a TON of those if they made them.

Algebra

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... 

I'm never likely to go there.

~ Billy Connolly

- - - - -

I am pretty sure that if I would have had a dry erase board and a bunch of colored markers in my room when I was 11 years old that I wouldn't have written algebraic equations on it.

Elizabeth is a freak sometimes.

But a freak we are trying to get into M.I.T. if she wants to go there.

Go, Algebra Girl!  Go!

Friends

If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone

~ Maxwell Maltz

- - - - -

Elizabeth: (while texting Emma) Oh!  I forgot to put "possum" at the end.  "Awesome Possum" -- that's my saying.

Maddie:  I don't know how you have friends.

Carolina

I'm writing a new love story, set in eastern North Carolina. Surprise, surprise, huh?

~ Nicholas Sparks

- - - - -

When we made our trip to North Carolina for vacation, I put together some music for us.  One of the songs I included was "Carolina in my Mind" by James Taylor.

Maddie:  Oh -- he's singing "Carolina."  (pause)  But he's only going there in his mind.  Ha.

Elizabeth:  Do you have "Sweet Caroline?"

One of the other songs was not "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond.  Fortunately, though, the girls knew all the words to that.  Or at least enough of them to string a few phrases together loudly for the next twenty minutes.

Places

I've been things and seen places.

~ Mae West

- - - - -

Elizabeth:  Do they have a Ron Paul Surf Shop here?

Chris:  I think you mean Ron Jon.

Old

Do not let spacious plans for a new world divert your energies from saving what is left of the old.

~ Winston Churchill

- - - - -

I like most old things, but I do not like old books.  The way they smell grosses me out.  I think it's because the idea of other people touching those pages and then me having to touch them is troubling.  However, my old book problem is better than my friend who used to get explosive diarrhea from walking into a fabric store.

Shopping

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.  

~Erma Bombeck

- - - - -

Chris: Who wants to go with me to the store? We're out of cat litter and dog food.

Maddie: (still under the influence of the drugs from having her wisdom teeth out) Why don't we just let Neko poop in a box and then Ripley can eat it?

Sage

The sage speaks of what he sees; the fool, of what he hears.

~ Turkish Proverb

- - - - -

You might think that someone who lived on "Sage Avenue" would be wise.  But you would be wrong.  At least not those one people who live there and have three giant German Shepherds that they let roam freely and attack cars that are driving by.  Those people aren't wise at all.  Neither are the dogs that belong to those people because I almost squashed one.

Flowers

Earth laughs in flowers.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

When I told Ginny that I hated marigolds, but I was growing them to try and keep the rabbits away from our tulips and hostas, she asked me why I hate marigolds. I told her I hate the smell. Then I told her I was growing white ones instead of the red-orange-yellow ones. She said, "Those probably don't smell as much."

At first I thought she was being supportive of my loathing of the way marigolds smell, but then I realized that she was actually undermining my rabbit-deterrent plan.

Secret

Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

I looked on my Facebook wall and saw this question from Elizabeth Fowler, "Do you think Michelle Boettcher is secretly a unicorn?"

Okay, who even asks questions like that?! Trust me, if I was a unicorn, EVERYONE would know it. I'd be proud to be a unicorn. And I'd use my antler to gouge people I didn't like. And I'd fly. And be able to breathe under water. I'd be like a seahorse unicorn.

I just checked with Elizabeth and she answered the question above, "No." She knows me so well.

Feet

Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.

~ Abraham Lincoln

- - - - -

I am glad that - unlike bikes - we don't start life with something called "training feet."  That would freak me out.  And would they just fall off when you didn't need them or would your parent have to remove them with a wrench?

Sometimes I think the way things have played out in human development is just right.  Sometimes I don't think that, but sometimes I do.

Over

Why slap them on the wrist with feather when you can 

belt them over the head with a sledgehammer?

~ Katharine Hepburn

- - - - -

You know Easter is over when you see a smashed peep on the ground.  And also you know it is over when the date on the calendar that says "Easter" has passed.

Friendly

Hard though it may be to accept, remember that guilt is sometimes

a friendly internal voice reminding you that you're messing up.

~ Marge Kennedy

- - - - -

You might think that peeking in your neighbor's window to make sure he isn't suffering from night terrors is a friendly thing to do. Not every neighbor will agree with you, though. And a lot of times law enforcement won't agree with you, either.

Pigs

 These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.

~ Alfred Hitchcock

- - - - -

When you grow up in Iowa, you become accustomed to seeing things that represent the culture and livelihoods that keep the state running.  I pride myself on being able to distinguish the smells of pigs, cows, and chickens.  They're really quite different.  To the unsophisticated nose, though, they just all smell bad.

Trust me, just like with man, there are different degrees of badness with man-ure.  Often the level of badness has to do with proximity.  Or quantity.  As I said, just like with people.

Bold

Begin, be bold and venture to be wise.

~ Horace

- - - - -

Elizabeth is one of the most brave, bold, and confident people I know. Except at bedtime. At bedtime she always has a pain that requires an ice pack. And she whines. I guess it takes a lot of energy and hurts your foot "like there's a needle poking in it" to be that brave, bold, and confident all day long.

Truth

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth;

not going all the way, and not starting.

Buddha

- - - - -

Liar, liar — pants on fire!

That seems pretty Draconian.

Goo

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion . . .  I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.

~ Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

- - - - -

Having worked in the residence halls for a number of years, I had the great opportunity to observe some interesting things. One incident took place at the end of the spring semester when students were moving out. A resident came to the front desk and asked to use some Goo Gone which we had purchased to help students remove the adhesive from dry erase boards they posted on their doors and the like.

Anyway, his staff member came into his room to see how things were going as he was preparing to move and the student was attempting to clean what appeared to be dried vomit off of his wall with the Goo Gone.

"What are you doing?" the staff member asked.

"Trying to clean my wall," the resident replied.

"That won't work," the staff member said.

"Why not?" asked the resident. "It's goo!"

Concern

There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a

problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.

~ Harold Stephens

- - - - -

A few days ago we got an email from one of Elizabeth's teachers about her friendships getting in the way of her productivity in art class. For some reason, the message came just to me and not to both Chris and I. I forwarded the email to Chris. Here is a summary of our email exchanges around that topic:

Michelle: I would like Elizabeth not to have any friends over tonight until we discuss this.

Chris: She has softball practice, so she won't be home until later.

Michelle: Okay. I am concerned that this kind of behavior is becoming a pattern with her. What are your thoughts?

Chris: I'm out of beer.

Yards

Our modern society is engaged in polishing and decorating

the cage in which man is kept imprisoned.

~ Swami Nirmalananda

- - - - -

When people keep a lot of stuff in their yards, I think it's disrespectful. It's a lot harder to get close enough to the house to look in the windows at night with all that junk in the yard.

Sacks

A fact is like a sack - it won't stand up if it's empty. To make it stand up, first you have to put in it all the reasons and feelings that caused it in the first place.

~ Luigi Pirandello

- - - - -

The grocery bagging drama continues for my friend Ryan.  The other day he asked for paper and as much as possible into the paper sack.  He said it twice thinking it would matter if he made it very clear.  The checker heard him and he repeated it to the bagger when the bagger arrived.  The bagger then put items in a plastic bag, put the plastic bag in the bottom of the paper bag and covered the plastic bagged items with other items.

Then this evening, Ryan called and we had the following exchange.

Phone rings.

Michelle:  Hello?

Ryan:  So, if you were to bag 1 jar of salsa, 2 bags of shredded cheese, 1 quart of soy milk, and a box of eggo waffles, how would you put those items in a single paper bag with handles so as to put as many items as possible into as few bags as possible?

(I paused, considering what response would most enrage my friend)

Michelle:  I would probably put each item into an individual paper bag and then tie the handles of all the paper bags together with as many plastic bags as possible.

Ryan:  (laughing, but ignoring my response)  Would you put the two packages of cheese in the bottom of the bag and pile the other items on top of the cheese?

Michelle:  No.  I would probably put in the salsa and milk first —

Ryan:  Interesting.

Michelle:  And after doing that I feel that I could probably stand the other items vertically so that no item had to sit on any other item.

Ryan:  Exactly!

What I didn't say to Ryan is that I hope he doesn't invite me over for a brunch of eggo waffle quesadillas.

Glass

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

~ Janeane Garofalo

- - - - -

Maddie: (looking at a vending machine) Look! Shot glasses!

Michelle: How do you know what shot glasses are?

Maddie: Duh, Michelle! Elizabeth, do you know what shot glasses are?

Elizabeth: Uh - huh! They're what Mom and Michelle drink out of!

Mystery

Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly,

for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.

~ R. I. Fitzhenry

- - - - -

I cannot figure out why the girls love '80s hairband music. One of Maddie's favorite songs is, "Cherry Pie" by Warrant. Today Elizabeth announced that she loves "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" by Poison.

Maybe the person most surprised and concerned is Chris. She gave me a look of despairpain or shockdisgust when Elizabeth said, "Guess what song I love by the band Poison?" And I said, "The only one I can think of is Every Rose Has Its Thorn." I do have a freakishly powerful recall of songs.

Anyway, seriously, we raised them better than that.

Music

Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul.

~Plato

- - - - -

So, I have learned that when I am under stress that I don't wake up with music in my head. This is a disappointing post, but here are the songs in my head since February...

March 13: Rocket Man by Elton John

April 15: Brand New Key by Melanie Safka

April 30: Born this Way by Lady Gaga

The positive thing is that the music has not been replaced with voices in my head.

Yet.

Games

You have to learn the rules of the game.

And then you have to play better than anyone else.

~ Albert Einstein

- - - - -

I love games. I love games because when I win I believe it teaches us all a valuable lesson that I am better than everyone else. And when I lose, I believe it teaches us all a valuable lesson that life isn't fair, some people cheat, and the game is broken.

Discourse

It's our tendency to approach every problem as if it were a fight

between two sides. We see it in headlines that are always using

metaphors for war. It's a general atmosphere of animosity and

contention that has taken over our public discourse.

~ Deborah Tannen

- - - - -

I like it when someone is so passionate about something that they put up a sign about it. And then someone else is so passionate that they vandalize the sign. As in the example above where someone put up an anti-democrat sign and someone used shorthand to indicate that they would like to have a Follow Up conversation about the sign. Discourse rocks.

On a side note, I do believe that the sentence on the sign should have ended with question marks or at least one question mark and then the exclamation points since the words form a question and not a statement.

Obscurity

Obscurity often brings safety.

~ Aesop

- - - - -

Whenever I read on a historical marker that someone died in obscurity I think, "That obscure person's life would probably make a good movie." I also think, "It's good they didn't die in pellucidity or that would take up a lot more space on that sign."

Well, two letters more space, anyway.

Death

As a well spent day brings happy sleep,

so a life well spent brings happy death.

~ Leondardo da Vinci

- - - - -

Recently, I came across a book called, "100 Ways to Relax." I opened it to a random page to see what the book would suggest for me. It said, "See dying as a gift."

That was not at all helpful.

Class

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so

smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

~ Gracie Allen

- - - - -

Chris: What do you want to do for "Super Summer," Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: Algebra and sock monkeys. You make more than the ordinary sock money. You make ballerina sock monkeys and stuff!

NOTE: For the record, the spell-check on my phone (which is where I took notes about the above conversation) spell-checked "ballerina" as "bacteria." A Bacteria Sock Monkey does seem a bit more academic than a Ballerina Sock Monkey.

Food

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

~Fran Lebowitz

- - - - -

When you are filled with rage do not eat hot wings.

Siblings

Our brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn

of our personal stories to the inevitable dusk.

~Susan Scarf Merrell

- - - - -

I am pretty sure the guy from Men's Wearhouse and The Most Interesting Man in the World are brothers. It would be difficult being the brother of The Most Interesting Man in the World, even if you DID own a chain of men's clothing stores.

Swim

(photo by Chris Fowler)

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone

took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,

"Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.

~ Paula Poundstone

- - - - -

Michelle: Have you signed Maddie up for swim camp?

Chris: No. (pause) Maddie, do you want to go to swim camp?

Maddie: No.

Chris: Why don't you want to go to swim camp, Maddie?

Maddie: (pauses) Because if I'm at swim camp, I can't earn money to contribute to my family.

Confusion

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said,

but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

~ Robert McCloskey

- - - - -

A few summers ago I caught the retrovirus on campus. We were supposed to go jet-skiing with friends that weekend. Chris and the girls went. I stayed at home on the couch and dozed off and on while trying to watch the movie "Memento." I don't recommend trying to watch the movie "Memento" while you're dozing off and on and you're sick. At some point you're bound to feel exactly like the guy in the movie.

Sale

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.

~ Jack Handey

- - - - -

The other day we went to the grocery store. Cereal was on sale. I forget which kind. Anyway, Chris picked up a couple of boxes. I either wandered off or got distracted by something shiny. When we walked out without cereal, I asked Chris why she didn't get any. She said, "The sale was only on 2 ounce boxes."

Conversation

Conversation should touch everything,

but should concentrate itself on nothing.

~ Oscar Wilde

- - - - -

Elizabeth: So, I went to the bus stop and I was afraid I missed the bus, so I was galloping as fast as I could, but I didn't miss the bus. I texted Julia and said, "Are you on the bus?" And she said, "No." And I said, "Did you miss the bus?" And she said, "No, it hasn't come yet." And then some people started showing up and I was like, "Whew! I didn't miss the bus."

So, then the bus came and I got on and I used a little hand sanitizer. Then Charlotte gave me some perfume to borrow —

Maddie: Oh my goodness! This is going to take forever!

Elizabeth: Ahem! Thank you. Okay and so I started spraying my little perfume and stuff — well, HER perfume — and then we got off the bus and stuff and I was like freaking out because it started hailing, and then —

Chris: It was like snow.

Elizabeth: Yeah. And then —

Maddie: Second period.

Elizabeth: Yeah —

Maddie: It was snowing.

Elizabeth: So we walked in —

Maddie: REALLY hard!

Elizabeth: Okay! So we walk in the school and I was sitting down and Julia said, "You wanna take my band instrument down with me?" And I said, "Sure."

Michelle: Her what?

Elizabeth: Band instrument.

Michelle: You should get one of those.

Chris: We had a student come in and say that it was hailing outside. But it wasn't. It was really just snowing.

Maddie & Elizabeth: No.

Maddie: Um, it started with hail, like little hail —

Elizabeth: It was sleet —

Maddie: And went to snow and then it —

Chris: It looked like snow from my window.

Maddie: Well, it progressed into snow.

Elizabeth: Okay! (pause) Thank you. Well, then (Maddie glares) Well - I get annoyed when people interrupt my story!! So Julia and I went down there —

Chris: To band.

Elizabeth: Yeah. And we got bored of waiting for Julia, so me and Charlotte went and started playing the drums and stuff —

Chris: Ooooh.

Maddie: Yeah... I wouldn't do that.

Elizabeth: Mr. Thompson didn't — wasn't even there. Okay, so —

Maddie: Do you still have that one lady?

Elizabeth: Mrs.... Pritchard?

Maddie: Yeah — oh... If she would see you, she would like scream at you.

Elizabeth: She scares me.

Chris: Don't be scared of her, look at Maddie.

Maddie: She likes me. I don't know how she remembered me.

Elizabeth: Yeah, she even remembered, she's like, "Oh, did you have an older sister, Maddie?" I was like, "Yeah." And she was like, "Oh, I remember her. She was really nice. She was like one of my favorites." I was like, "Uhhhhh..."

Michelle: Did you say, "FOWLER! My sister is Maddie FOWLER! Not some other Maddie."

Elizabeth: I was like - she's so mean. I don't like her.

Chris: She liked your sister! You had better be nice to her.

Maddie: Wait! Who said I'm mean?!

Elizabeth: No! The TEACHER.

Maddie: Oh.

Chris: The teacher said you were nice.

Elizabeth: Okay —

Chris: She said you were one of her favorite children.

Elizabeth: Uh, yeah. So, anyway, we walk back up and it's not even first period yet. So then we go to first period and we're all freaking out 'cause we have to watch this horrible video again and it's about how there are bugs on you and stuff. And we were like freaking out and stuff because it's nasty.

(Chris cringes)

Maddie: Whatever, Mom! you watch "Monsters Inside Me," so don't be all like —

Elizabeth: Yeah. It's like "Monsters Inside Me," but even grosser and stuff.

Chris: Nuh-uh!!

Michelle: "Monsters OUTside Me."

Elizabeth: Oh..... You wanna hear some of it, Mom? You have bugs on your eyelashes right now that you cannot see —

Chris: Wha—?!! Ugh!! No! NO!

Elizabeth: Stop! Skin flakes fall off EVERY HOUR.

Chris: No, they don't.

Elizabeth: You have bugs on you everywhere and inside you.

Maddie: When you're sleeping don't you get little like... itches?

Elizabeth: Okay —

Chris: No. No, I don't.

Maddie: Like crawling —

Chris: NO!

Michelle: Do you ever find a spider in your bed —

Elizabeth: Michelle!

Michelle: And then it feels like there are spiders on you when you try to go back to sleep?

Maddie: Um, one time I killed a spider when I was going to bed and I couldn't go to sleep because it was really grossing me out.

Chris: One time I was watching "Monster's Inside Me..."

Michelle: One time I saw "Monster's, Inc."

Elizabeth: Okay! CAN I EXPLAIN MY DAY?!

Maddie: I don't really want to hear about your day.

Elizabeth: Then go away. (Maddie starts to leave) No, I was just joking — come sit back down. Sit back down!

Chris: No, Maddie, c'mon.

Elizabeth: (grabbing Maddie's arm) Sit back down!

Maddie: ELIZABETH!

Chris: Hey!

Elizabeth: HEY! Sit back down!

Maddie: Let me put my stuff away.

Elizabeth: We will wait.

Maddie: I can hear you from here!

Chris: Keep talking.

Elizabeth: Oh, okay. So then we go to first period and stuff and we have to watch it again so we're freaking out.

Chris: Is this science or what?

Elizabeth: Yes. Science. And then we were all mad that we had to watch it again 'cause it's nasty.

Chris: You've already seen it before?

Elizabeth: Yes, but we had a substitute teacher and people didn't want to work out of the book and stuff. So people told her we haven't watched it. So me and Anna got so disgusted and stuff by the movie that we turned around and started reading because I could not watch that. Yeah. Anna almost threw up.

Chris: She should have. That would've taught her.

Michelle: Remember? That time Maddie was watching —

Elizabeth: (laughing) Yeah!

Maddie: Oh, Fear Factor? At the apartment?

Michelle: So, this was your mom (Michelle stares blankly ahead). "Chris, I think Maddie's throwing up." "What?" "Chris, I think Maddie's in the bathroom throwing up." "WHAT? MADDIE!!!"

Maddie: I remember throwing up, but I don't really remember what —

Michelle: It was bugs in a blender. They took a blender and then they had to drink it. It was worms and bugs.

Elizabeth: No, I remember the ostrich egg! (pause) They had to eat the ostrich egg..? And that made her throw up.

Chris: You were like THREE, Elizabeth.

Michelle: No, I think it was the bug milkshake.

Chris: Can we stop talking about this?

Elizabeth: Okay... okay...

Chris: I'm serious! My stomach is churning.

Maddie: I was like sitting at a bar.

Chris: Stop talking about it.

Maddie: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT!

Chris: (laughing) Dang, Maddie!

Maddie: Well, you're like, "Stop talking about it" and I wasn't talking about that, I was talking about sitting at the bar watching it.

Chris: We weren't at a bar. We were at our apartment.

Michelle: She means the bar thing in the kitchen.

(Chris laughs)

Elizabeth: Can I finish my story?

Michelle: Probably not, because it's like minute by minute, which means it will take eight hours for us to... Yeah, go ahead.

Elizabeth: Okay.

Maddie: Which period are you at.

Michelle: I think she's about to start talking about first period.

Maddie: Are you serious?!

Elizabeth: So, we spend first period watching the video and so then the bell rings and everyone says, "Yes!" —

Michelle: I'm hoping the line, "And the rest of the day flew by really quickly" will come out.

Maddie: Tomorrow we have to go through school with the lights off.

Elizabeth: Why?

Maddie: It's like, um, Earth Day or something and so we don't have lights on.

Chris: Are you kidding? Who's idea was that?

Michelle: That's not safe.

Elizabeth: Mr. Mooney's?

Chris: Yeah.

Maddie: And they're gonna have floodlights on for like the science rooms — they're pitch black. And it's like to save money and be green.

Chris: Yeah, that's not right.

Maddie: Mom!

Chris: Why are you mad at me?

Maddie: Because! Everything that happened at school is bad!

Chris: That's not true.

Maddie: Snacks for homeroom — "Oh... we don't need to spend money on that!" "Oh, he probably spent $10 on bagels — just because they were on sale!"

Chris: That is not how I sound.

Elizabeth: Yeah it is!

(pause)

Elizabeth: Okay, let me finish my day —

Chris: Maddie and I have to hurry up and leave so hurry up.

Elizabeth: So, okay...

Chris: You've got 30 SECONDS!

Elizabeth: Okay, so we get on a bus to watch this play.

Chris: Cy Ride?

Elizabeth: Yes, we got on Cy Ride.

Michelle: They had a field trip today. Did you hear?

Elizabeth: Yes, a field trip. And they had black lights on, so my shirt looked all paint splattered and stuff. So then the play was over and we got back on the bus.

Chris: You went to a play?

Elizabeth: Yeah, that was the field trip. A play.

Chris: What was the play?

Elizabeth: I don't know, some Shakespeare thing. It was boring 'cause you couldn't understand them. They were like, "Thee... Thy... To be..." and you couldn't even understand 'em. And so —

Maddie: We're reading Shakespeare — 'er, Romeo and Juliet.

Elizabeth: Yeah — that's what it was, or something like that. And then there were like some fairies or something and it was really creepy. But then we went through fifth period and sixth period and on the bus we had a anti-bacterial and lotion war where you set lotion on the top of the seat and you flick it and it goes flying. It's so much fun. We don't get in trouble though 'cause our bus driver doesn't care what we do.

Maddie: Wait, do you have a girl?

Elizabeth: Yes.

Maddie: For FOUR YEARS we had this nasty guy.

Elizabeth: She plays the radio for us.

Maddie: Yeah, and we couldn't have music, either.

Chris: And WE couldn't have HAND SANITIZER, EITHER!

Windows

Many a doctrine is like a window pane.

We see truth through it but it divides us from truth.

~ Kahlil Gibran

- - - - -

For a while I worked at a newspaper in Iowa City. One of my colleagues there used to tell the best stories. She talked about how she used to drink a LOT and the "adventures" (perhaps MISadventures) she had. This is one of my favorite quotes from her:

"We had been drinking, but my friend couldn't drive because of the headache she had from her head bumping the windshield when we hit that deer."

Mess

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies!"

~ Phyllis Diller

- - - - -

Chris: Wow, Elizabeth. Your room looks a lot better. (pause) What would happen if I opened your closet door?

Impression

Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.

~ HH the Dalai Lama

- - - - -

You wouldn't know it by looking at her, but Chris Fowler can do an amazing impression of a hungry baby eagle.

Consideration

Be kind and considerate with your criticism...

It's just as hard to write a bad book as it is to write a good book.

~ Malcolm Cowley

- - - - -

So I have been doing some reading about expectations and how to manage your own expectations of people and events. Basically, some of what I have read uses negative interactions with strangers as an example. These authors say that you shouldn't expect a complete stranger to be kind or considerate to you. They don't even know you.

Maybe. But I hate random rudeness. It doesn't make sense. Targeted and intentional rudeness based on one's experience with another person... now that makes complete sense to me.

Pride

Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed.

You cannot uneducate the person who has learned to read.

You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride.

You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore.

We have seen the future, and the future is ours.

~ Cesar Chavez

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How do I know that there is humor in the universe — maybe at the core of the universe? Last Friday, I went to the ISU Pride Rally at the Free Speech Zone. Afterward, we had lunch at The Hub. The student who waited on me was named "Ally." Then, the next day, one of the teams Elizabeth played in softball was Fort Dodge Pride.

Okay, that last one isn't really that revealing about the nature of the universe. They play that team almost every weekend.

Little

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

~ Winston Churchill

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Elizabeth: So, at school for April Fool's Day, some of the girls moved all of the stuff out of one of the teacher's rooms. Then the teacher said the room was not workable and that she was calling the police to report vandalism. She kept saying that until the girls were almost crying. One of them - the little dramatic one — was crying!

Chris: Is that what you call yourself, Elizabeth? A little dramatic one?

Elizabeth: I call everyone as tall as me little. I'm five feet, fifteen inches. I measured myself in science.

Fun

When [name deleted] attends, well, it ceases to be a fun event.

~ Ryan Evely Gildersleeve

- - - - -

This year's family photo shoot was not quite as successful as in years past. I think this photo captures it all. Maddie was snotty. Elizabeth was annoyed and tried to push Maddie's buttons. And Chris was thinking about what it will be like when the girls go away to college. Or just go away.

Hate

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

~ Drew Carey

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If you follow my blog you know that I hate clowns, dolls, the word "conglomerate," and monkeys in clothes. If you don't follow my blog, you also now know all of those things and can save yourself some time by not reading the rest of my blog.

Anyway, here is a list of additional things I loathe:

* The smell of Ramen noodles cooking.

* Movies about snow

* Movies set in the desert

* Finding crumbs in a pocket

* Cleaning under the sink — especially if there are crumbs there

* Glitter

* Stuff around my feet when I'm riding in a car

* Not only the word "conglomerate," but also the word "nematode."

Arts

There is more similarity in the marketing challenge of selling

a precious painting by Degas and a frosted mug of root beer

than you ever thought possible.

~ A. Alfred Taubman

- - - - -

I think it's important to encourage the girls to support the arts. On a recent trip to Chicago, I took some pictures of these drummers. I asked Elizabeth to put some money in their bucket. She was hesitant at first, but finally agreed to do it.

As a result I told her she didn't have to pay me back for the root beer-scented pencil she had gotten at the museum gift shop.