Conversation

Conversation should touch everything,

but should concentrate itself on nothing.

~ Oscar Wilde

- - - - -

Elizabeth: So, I went to the bus stop and I was afraid I missed the bus, so I was galloping as fast as I could, but I didn't miss the bus. I texted Julia and said, "Are you on the bus?" And she said, "No." And I said, "Did you miss the bus?" And she said, "No, it hasn't come yet." And then some people started showing up and I was like, "Whew! I didn't miss the bus."

So, then the bus came and I got on and I used a little hand sanitizer. Then Charlotte gave me some perfume to borrow —

Maddie: Oh my goodness! This is going to take forever!

Elizabeth: Ahem! Thank you. Okay and so I started spraying my little perfume and stuff — well, HER perfume — and then we got off the bus and stuff and I was like freaking out because it started hailing, and then —

Chris: It was like snow.

Elizabeth: Yeah. And then —

Maddie: Second period.

Elizabeth: Yeah —

Maddie: It was snowing.

Elizabeth: So we walked in —

Maddie: REALLY hard!

Elizabeth: Okay! So we walk in the school and I was sitting down and Julia said, "You wanna take my band instrument down with me?" And I said, "Sure."

Michelle: Her what?

Elizabeth: Band instrument.

Michelle: You should get one of those.

Chris: We had a student come in and say that it was hailing outside. But it wasn't. It was really just snowing.

Maddie & Elizabeth: No.

Maddie: Um, it started with hail, like little hail —

Elizabeth: It was sleet —

Maddie: And went to snow and then it —

Chris: It looked like snow from my window.

Maddie: Well, it progressed into snow.

Elizabeth: Okay! (pause) Thank you. Well, then (Maddie glares) Well - I get annoyed when people interrupt my story!! So Julia and I went down there —

Chris: To band.

Elizabeth: Yeah. And we got bored of waiting for Julia, so me and Charlotte went and started playing the drums and stuff —

Chris: Ooooh.

Maddie: Yeah... I wouldn't do that.

Elizabeth: Mr. Thompson didn't — wasn't even there. Okay, so —

Maddie: Do you still have that one lady?

Elizabeth: Mrs.... Pritchard?

Maddie: Yeah — oh... If she would see you, she would like scream at you.

Elizabeth: She scares me.

Chris: Don't be scared of her, look at Maddie.

Maddie: She likes me. I don't know how she remembered me.

Elizabeth: Yeah, she even remembered, she's like, "Oh, did you have an older sister, Maddie?" I was like, "Yeah." And she was like, "Oh, I remember her. She was really nice. She was like one of my favorites." I was like, "Uhhhhh..."

Michelle: Did you say, "FOWLER! My sister is Maddie FOWLER! Not some other Maddie."

Elizabeth: I was like - she's so mean. I don't like her.

Chris: She liked your sister! You had better be nice to her.

Maddie: Wait! Who said I'm mean?!

Elizabeth: No! The TEACHER.

Maddie: Oh.

Chris: The teacher said you were nice.

Elizabeth: Okay —

Chris: She said you were one of her favorite children.

Elizabeth: Uh, yeah. So, anyway, we walk back up and it's not even first period yet. So then we go to first period and we're all freaking out 'cause we have to watch this horrible video again and it's about how there are bugs on you and stuff. And we were like freaking out and stuff because it's nasty.

(Chris cringes)

Maddie: Whatever, Mom! you watch "Monsters Inside Me," so don't be all like —

Elizabeth: Yeah. It's like "Monsters Inside Me," but even grosser and stuff.

Chris: Nuh-uh!!

Michelle: "Monsters OUTside Me."

Elizabeth: Oh..... You wanna hear some of it, Mom? You have bugs on your eyelashes right now that you cannot see —

Chris: Wha—?!! Ugh!! No! NO!

Elizabeth: Stop! Skin flakes fall off EVERY HOUR.

Chris: No, they don't.

Elizabeth: You have bugs on you everywhere and inside you.

Maddie: When you're sleeping don't you get little like... itches?

Elizabeth: Okay —

Chris: No. No, I don't.

Maddie: Like crawling —

Chris: NO!

Michelle: Do you ever find a spider in your bed —

Elizabeth: Michelle!

Michelle: And then it feels like there are spiders on you when you try to go back to sleep?

Maddie: Um, one time I killed a spider when I was going to bed and I couldn't go to sleep because it was really grossing me out.

Chris: One time I was watching "Monster's Inside Me..."

Michelle: One time I saw "Monster's, Inc."

Elizabeth: Okay! CAN I EXPLAIN MY DAY?!

Maddie: I don't really want to hear about your day.

Elizabeth: Then go away. (Maddie starts to leave) No, I was just joking — come sit back down. Sit back down!

Chris: No, Maddie, c'mon.

Elizabeth: (grabbing Maddie's arm) Sit back down!

Maddie: ELIZABETH!

Chris: Hey!

Elizabeth: HEY! Sit back down!

Maddie: Let me put my stuff away.

Elizabeth: We will wait.

Maddie: I can hear you from here!

Chris: Keep talking.

Elizabeth: Oh, okay. So then we go to first period and stuff and we have to watch it again so we're freaking out.

Chris: Is this science or what?

Elizabeth: Yes. Science. And then we were all mad that we had to watch it again 'cause it's nasty.

Chris: You've already seen it before?

Elizabeth: Yes, but we had a substitute teacher and people didn't want to work out of the book and stuff. So people told her we haven't watched it. So me and Anna got so disgusted and stuff by the movie that we turned around and started reading because I could not watch that. Yeah. Anna almost threw up.

Chris: She should have. That would've taught her.

Michelle: Remember? That time Maddie was watching —

Elizabeth: (laughing) Yeah!

Maddie: Oh, Fear Factor? At the apartment?

Michelle: So, this was your mom (Michelle stares blankly ahead). "Chris, I think Maddie's throwing up." "What?" "Chris, I think Maddie's in the bathroom throwing up." "WHAT? MADDIE!!!"

Maddie: I remember throwing up, but I don't really remember what —

Michelle: It was bugs in a blender. They took a blender and then they had to drink it. It was worms and bugs.

Elizabeth: No, I remember the ostrich egg! (pause) They had to eat the ostrich egg..? And that made her throw up.

Chris: You were like THREE, Elizabeth.

Michelle: No, I think it was the bug milkshake.

Chris: Can we stop talking about this?

Elizabeth: Okay... okay...

Chris: I'm serious! My stomach is churning.

Maddie: I was like sitting at a bar.

Chris: Stop talking about it.

Maddie: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT!

Chris: (laughing) Dang, Maddie!

Maddie: Well, you're like, "Stop talking about it" and I wasn't talking about that, I was talking about sitting at the bar watching it.

Chris: We weren't at a bar. We were at our apartment.

Michelle: She means the bar thing in the kitchen.

(Chris laughs)

Elizabeth: Can I finish my story?

Michelle: Probably not, because it's like minute by minute, which means it will take eight hours for us to... Yeah, go ahead.

Elizabeth: Okay.

Maddie: Which period are you at.

Michelle: I think she's about to start talking about first period.

Maddie: Are you serious?!

Elizabeth: So, we spend first period watching the video and so then the bell rings and everyone says, "Yes!" —

Michelle: I'm hoping the line, "And the rest of the day flew by really quickly" will come out.

Maddie: Tomorrow we have to go through school with the lights off.

Elizabeth: Why?

Maddie: It's like, um, Earth Day or something and so we don't have lights on.

Chris: Are you kidding? Who's idea was that?

Michelle: That's not safe.

Elizabeth: Mr. Mooney's?

Chris: Yeah.

Maddie: And they're gonna have floodlights on for like the science rooms — they're pitch black. And it's like to save money and be green.

Chris: Yeah, that's not right.

Maddie: Mom!

Chris: Why are you mad at me?

Maddie: Because! Everything that happened at school is bad!

Chris: That's not true.

Maddie: Snacks for homeroom — "Oh... we don't need to spend money on that!" "Oh, he probably spent $10 on bagels — just because they were on sale!"

Chris: That is not how I sound.

Elizabeth: Yeah it is!

(pause)

Elizabeth: Okay, let me finish my day —

Chris: Maddie and I have to hurry up and leave so hurry up.

Elizabeth: So, okay...

Chris: You've got 30 SECONDS!

Elizabeth: Okay, so we get on a bus to watch this play.

Chris: Cy Ride?

Elizabeth: Yes, we got on Cy Ride.

Michelle: They had a field trip today. Did you hear?

Elizabeth: Yes, a field trip. And they had black lights on, so my shirt looked all paint splattered and stuff. So then the play was over and we got back on the bus.

Chris: You went to a play?

Elizabeth: Yeah, that was the field trip. A play.

Chris: What was the play?

Elizabeth: I don't know, some Shakespeare thing. It was boring 'cause you couldn't understand them. They were like, "Thee... Thy... To be..." and you couldn't even understand 'em. And so —

Maddie: We're reading Shakespeare — 'er, Romeo and Juliet.

Elizabeth: Yeah — that's what it was, or something like that. And then there were like some fairies or something and it was really creepy. But then we went through fifth period and sixth period and on the bus we had a anti-bacterial and lotion war where you set lotion on the top of the seat and you flick it and it goes flying. It's so much fun. We don't get in trouble though 'cause our bus driver doesn't care what we do.

Maddie: Wait, do you have a girl?

Elizabeth: Yes.

Maddie: For FOUR YEARS we had this nasty guy.

Elizabeth: She plays the radio for us.

Maddie: Yeah, and we couldn't have music, either.

Chris: And WE couldn't have HAND SANITIZER, EITHER!