First

History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.

~ Karl Marx

- - - - -

I find it hard to believe that the very first fire house was in the middle of Tennessee just off the interstate. Plus, it doesn't look like it is very well equipped.

Puzzle

The world's a puzzle. No need to make sense out of it.

~ Dan Millman

- - - - -

Actually, the sole purpose of a puzzle is to make sense out of it. If there wasn't a point in making sense of it, it would be called a certainty and not a puzzle. 

Scissors

I believe more in the scissors than I do the pencil.

~ Truman Capote

- - - - -

So the pen may be mightier than the sword

And the scissors may be mightier than the pencil

But I don't want to be stabbed with any of them.
 

Shadow

Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind.

~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

- - - - -
 "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men...? The SHADOW knows!"

My mom used to say that to us randomly. A lot. 

I don't know if she was trying to indicate she knew what evil lurked in our hearts. Or if she was trying to indicate SOMEONE knows what evil lurked in our hearts. Or if she was trying to indicate her vast knowledge of radio shows that ran from 1937 to 1954.

(pause)

Probably the latter. 

Attention

A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention

~ Herbert A. Simon

- - - - -

Here Lily shows everyone how it feels to be in a Zoom meeting, trying to do the best you can to stay awake and engaged. Then someone asks you a question and you have no idea what the group was talking about...

 

Fog

The fog of illusion, the fog of confusion is hanging all over this world.

~ Van Morrison

- - - - -

I like fog. It makes things look different. Like illusions. Of course it can also make you confused because it can be difficult to see where you're going.

(pause)

Sometimes Van Morrison really knows what he's talking about.

 

Juice

Most fruits, if left alone on the tree, eventually do ripen, especially if they're not being yelled at.

~ Firoozeh Dumas

- - - - -

Two nights ago I dreamt that I was at an event where Vice President-elect (at the time, today just regular "Vice President") Kamala Harris was speaking. At one point, I went up and thanked her for attending. She was very nice and when I asked if I could get her anything, she asked for some apple juice. 

A bit later I was talking with her again. She asked again - very patiently - if I could get her some apple juice. I apologized for forgetting and went to the kitchen. There was a woman standing in front of the open refrigerator just staring at things. I finally got around her, but could only find an apple juice box - not a bottle of juice or glasses. 

I grabbed the juice box and as VP Harris was leaving the building I approached. I was stopped by a very tall secret service person who told me to back away. I said, "But I have some apple juice for the Vice President. May I give it to her?" He said, "No." I said, "Are you sure?" He said, "Step aside."

I've been carrying that guilt with me for two days. Even if it had really happened, I doubt that not getting apple juice would be one of the top things on her mind today. 

Bold

Act boldly and unforeseen forces will come to your aid.

~ Dorothea Brande

- - - - -

When I was in kindergarten - I know I've told this story before, but settle in and get ready to hear it again. Anyway, when I was in kindergarten we were coloring. I liked to push down really hard on the crayons because the colors were bolder when you did that.

My teacher, Miss Sassaman, took my picture and held it up. I was sure she was going to tell everyone what a good job I had done. Instead, she said, "This is NOT how you use your crayons!"

I'm not sure what unforeseen forces came to my aid, but that instilled in me something. I think it was not a hatred of educators though. I do that for a job now.

What I do NOT do, is hold up the pictures my graduate students have colored and tell the whole class that someone colored their picture wrong. Seriously, I've never done that once in any of my classes.

Elude

Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

~ Henry David Thoreau

- - - - -

Happiness is like a butterfly in other ways, too. For example the pupa stage when the butterfly is in a protective chrysalis. That is like when happiness isn't here yet, but it's getting ready to be here. For most butterflies we're talking 8-15 days which I don't think is too long to wait for happiness.

For some though it is longer - like two years. If you sit around waiting for happiness for two years then you're not doing your part. You could be happier sooner if you tried. Why you don't try eludes me.

Bark

On pavements and the bark of trees I have found whole new worlds.

~ Mark Tobey

- - - - -

Dogs treat tree bark the same way human beings treat beef jerky. Tree bark and beef jerky look similar and feel kind of the same when you touch them. And, just like when dogs chew on tree bark, we also lie on our stomachs outside and don't actually eat beef jerky, but shred it up and leave it in bitlets on the ground.

Pears

 There are only ten minutes in a pear's life when it is perfect to eat.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

If you are a dog, every minute in a pear's life is when it is perfect to eat. Normally, I would say that we should be more like dogs and enjoy every moment, but I suspect that eating unripe pears would upset my digestive system, so I won't say that this time.

Thus ends today's pearable.

Rest

 Rest and motion, unrelieved and unchecked, are equally destructive.

~ Benjamin Cardozo

- - - - -

If you don't know how to rest, spend time with a puppy. The puppy will teach you. The puppy is an expert on things you have long ago forgotten to be an expert about. Like resting. And chewing on things. And unbounded joy. And pooping outside.

Labels

Definitions belong to the definers not the defined.

~ Toni Morrison

- - - - -

I saw this on a brewery tour at Allagash Brewing Company in Portland, ME. I don't know who made this particular label, but they are my favorite person who works for Allagash Brewing Company.

Robots

The Zeroth Law: A robot may not harm humanity, or, by inaction, allow humanity to come to harm.

~ Isaac Asimov

- - - - -

Did you think the robots got me because of how I wrote yesterday's blog? They did not. I was just making a joke. 

I wanted to do a follow up today to put your minds at ease (I hope you were able to sleep last night) and this was the only photo of robots I could find. Vending machines are like the wait staff of the robotics world. We should be grateful to them. They do hard and often thankless work. 

Just like the wait staff of the human world.

Tip generously. No. Seriously. You know what a jerk you can be - especially when you eat out. 

Tip generously.

Future

The future is uncertain, but that can be a good thing.

~ Jennifer Niven

- - - - -

As the new year begins, I encourage you to live in the moment and expect good things in the future. I know that things are unclear right now and the future is hazy and foggy, but still... we can hope and imagine good things. I also think if we can imagine good things, we can create them. Hope has to be a catalyst for change. Hope without action is not too effective.

Like I'm hoping that robots don't get in my computer and erase today's blog before I

Friend

One's friends are that part of the human race with which one can be human.

~ George Santayana

- - - - -

On New Year's Day 2020, I posted the following on my Facebook page:

"I've been up for 45 minutes and I haven't messd up 2020 yet."

I intentionally included the typo on the word "messed." I got over 50 likes and several comments on the post. No one mentioned the typo.  What I learned:

1. My Facebook friends are not jerks who point out my mistakes. We all need that sometimes.

and / or

2. My Facebook friends don't read my posts very closely before liking them because they like me.

Either is pretty okay with me.

Keys

A little key will open a very heavy door.

~ Charles Dickens

- - - - -

I know that eating black-eyed keys is supposed to be good luck on New Year's Day, but I don't think it's good luck for your digestive system.

Window

I live in a very small house, but my windows look out on a very large world.

~ Confucius

- - - - -

I think I just realized that when you look out a window, you are never looking back or ahead, you are only looking at now. Maybe we should do more of that. We should look at this moment right now instead of before or beyond.

And if your window is dirty, does that represent regret? Does it represent confusion? 

No, my friend. It means you need to get up and wash your windows instead of just sitting around looking at things.

Sunrise

At sunrise, everything is luminous, but not clear.

~ Norman Maclean

- - - - -

I wonder if things are any more clear at sunset. Maybe so. You have the days knowledge to use and reflect upon. But maybe not. You might have a bug fly into your eye or it could be raining.

Right

 

To agree without understanding is inane. To disagree without understanding is impudent. 

~ Mortimer Adler

- - - - -

 

I don't believe in agreeing to disagree. I agree in agreeing that I'm right.

Bragging

Bragging saves advertising.

~ American Proverb

- - - - -

Kirk showed me this book the last time I visited them in Portland, ME. That was in the olden days, children. The days before March of 2020. Back in those days we used to travel and spend time with one another. 

Anyway, I think this is the title of Kirk's autobiography. What is sad to me is that the story of his life doesn't seem to make up a whole book. It looks like there is a bunch of stuff before the story of him. I guess his memoir is just a chapter long. 

Seriously, Kirk... how BIG A BRAG can that really be?

Reflection

Since everything is a reflection of our minds, everything can be changed by our minds.

~ Buddha

- - - - -

I love this time of year. It's a time of reflection. Like thinking back to yesterday and how you didn't get what you wanted for Christmas. Or thinking back to yesterday and why is that day such a big deal because you don't even celebrate Christmas. Or thinking back to yesterday and how we are all still pandemicking and you've had just about enough of that!

Or you could take a moment and try to figure out why you have such a lousy attitude.

Sheesh.

Trees

Christmas tree stands are the work of the devil and they want you dead.

~ Bill Bryson

- - - - -

Old Mr. McRady would sit next to the Christmas trees until the very last one was sold. It didn't matter if they sold out on December 14th or December 24th, McRady would be there. "That's a good one," he'd say to every customer until the last tree. When someone bought the last tree he'd say, "Why you think no one bought that tree before now?" Then he'd laugh and laugh and laugh.

When that finally happened each year, the owners of the tree lot would ask him to go home. See Old Mr. McRady didn't have anything to do with the selling of the trees. He just found a chair and decided to start sitting there.

But then one year, Old Mr. McRady didn't come back to the tree lot. His old wooden green chair sat empty. People talked about where he had gone. There were whispers he had died, but Gerania Milsum had seen him to the Piggly Wiggly right before Thanksgiving and he seemed to be in fine health. Delancy Delacroix said he had moved out of town to live with his daughter in Birmingham, but Julia Loudanfelder said he wasn't on speaking terms with his daughter. 

Finally, Phillip Allyson shared that he had seen McRady at a different tree lot on the other side of town. When people asked why he moved, Phillip shrugged and said, "Maybe because he found a recliner near the other place," Phillip said. 

Driving

Just because you're sober, don't think you're a good driver, Cookie.

~ John Irving

- - - - -

To the lady driving who cut off the old woman pushing her grocery cart in the grocery store parking lot on Christmas Eve and then parked in the “Parents with Small Children” spot with your 14-year-old,  did that “Jesus” sticker on your bumper come with the car when you bought it or is the sticker representative of your belief system?  Just curious. 

Gift

A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.

~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I love it when people say “Santa was good to us.”  It actually means, “We bought ourselves a ton of shit we wanted.”

Trees

It's not what's under the Christmas tree that matters. It's who's around it.

~ Charlie Brown

- - - - -

They say it’s not what’s under the tree it’s who’s around it. But if there is a pile of dog shit under the tree it’s at least a little bit about what’s under the tree. 

Boat

For the ocean is big and my boat is small. Find the courage.

~ Alanis Morissette

- - - - -

We had an album of Julie Andrews singing Christmas carols when I was growing up. I loved her version of "I Saw Three Boats Come Sailing In." I very much preferred it to the drunken Burl Ives singing, "I Parked My Boat Outside your Door."

Superior

Feelings of superiority always stem from an illusion.

~ Marty Rubin

- - - - -

I hope the rest of this sign reads "CLANDESTINE."

Directions

Be an opener of doors.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

Yes, do that. But also respect the people behind those doors and use the other door. They said please, after all! You don't need to burst in and yell, "I AM AN OPENER OF DOORS!!!" 

Plus, that door is locked. 

If

"What if it sucks?"

"What if it's amazing?"

"What if it's dangerous?'

"What if it's exciting?"

"What if we die?"

"What if we live?"

            ~ Gren Wells, "The Road Within"

- - - - -

What if Randy Quaid - instead of emptying his camper toilet into a sewer was emptying it into a brook or small river? What if he still said, "Shitter's full!" but what if it was Schitt's Creek where he was emptying his waste?

That would be something, wouldn't it?

Stories

 We tell ourselves stories in order to live.

~ Joan Didion

- - - - -

And some of us live in order to tell our stories. Others of us live to make amazing pizza. Some of us who live in order to tell our stories would love to hang out with some of you who live to make amazing pizza. 

Later - when it's safe, I mean.

Until then, you can just drop off the pizza at my house. Ring the bell and leave it on the front step. Thanks.

Lantern

 If you light a lantern for another, it will also brighten your own way.

~ Nichiren

- - - - -

I like this concept. However, if the person whose lantern you light immediately swats at you and knocks your lantern out of your hand and it falls on the ground and the light goes out and then walks off in the opposite direction from where you were headed, this is not true.

But what are the chances of that?

(pause)

Now that I think about it, what are the chances you are going to encounter someone with a lantern instead of someone using the flashlight on their cell phone?

Life is full of fascinating questions.

Journaling

What a comfort is this journal. I tell myself to myself and throw the burden on my book and feel relieved.

~ Anne Lister

- - - - - 

I always feel accomplished when I finish a journal. I rarely go back and read what I've written. I'll leave that to the biographers. Or the people who win a "box of miscellany" at my estate auction. 

Messy

Ice cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal.

~ Voltaire

- - - - -

Whoever makes these ice cream things is very messy and sloppy. Seriously, clean up after yourself!

Kitty

If cats could talk, they wouldn't.

~ Nan Porter

- - - - -

"She jumps, stands on her hind legs whispers with looking around."

I do NOT want this toy.

Desk

 It's pointless to have a nice clean desk, because it means you're not doing anything.

~ Michio Kaku

- - - - -

I actually prefer a clean desk. However, it isn't always clean. I also think that a messy desk doesn't necessarily mean you're doing what you probably should be doing. 

But who are you to tell me what I SHOULD be doing?! You're not the boss of me. 

Also, if you are my boss and reading this, I wasn't talking to you.

Clouds

Don't let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.

~ Anaias Nin

- - - - -

 

I don't think that when you see clouds in the sky that you should fear the storm. I think you should fear fascism.

Eek

 

Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.

~ O. Henry

- - - - - -

The other night I had a grape Popsicle. I realized that it was good they called them "grape" instead of "raisin Popsicles." I doubt I'd ever even try a raisin Popsicle. Or raisin Kool-Aid. And the world would be a less pleasant place with those things.

Mornings

Why are puppies morning people?!!!!

~ Leslie Lewis

- - - - -

I am a morning person. Lily is a morning puppy. Leslie is NOT a morning person. Even when we go to get her up and Lily says, "LADY! HEY LADY! Good morning, LADY!" in a high-pitched, squeaky puppy voice I made up for her. You'd think that would be really nice to wake up to, but I guess not.

Caution

The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.

~ Tacitus

- - - - - 

I don't think you should ever buy amusement park ride if it is up for sale and marked "as is".

Peace

Don't search for anything except peace. Try to calm the mind. Everything else will come on its own.

~ Baba Hari Das

- - - - -

I don't care what is going on in your world, if you are sitting and working on something and a little puppy comes up and puts her head on your foot and falls asleep there, you are going to feel better - at peace. Calmer. 

Unless, of course, you live in a house without any puppies. In that case it might just totally freak you out which is sort of the opposite of peace and calm.

Mushrooms

 Turkey tail is a medicinal mushroom with an impressive range of benefits.

~ Jillian Kubala

- - - - -

We had this growing in our yard this past year (along with probably a dozen other kinds of mushrooms). I was excited to figure out one of the species was not poisonous. 

I still didn't eat them, though. They might not be poisonous, but they might have dog pee on them. I know I could wash them, but I'm kind of busy right now.

Cars

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

~ Henny Youngman

- - - - -

I went to look up a quotation for the photo. I entered "Volkswagen Quotations." I didn't find a lot at first. Then I saw "VW Quotations." I thought I'd try that.

They were Virginia Woolf quotes. If you think about it, that works. VW bugs go ZOOM, so maybe Virginia Woolf would have been a proponent of "A Zoom with a View." 

(pause)

Maybe not. I guess we'll never know.

River

May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.

~ Ranier Maria Rilke

- - - - -

Know what else often flows from children with no forcing and no holding back? Projectile vomiting. 

(pause)

Of course that is also true for adults.

Leader

Today a reader, tomorrow a leader.

~ Margaret Fuller

- - - - -

One of my early leadership positions was a Secretary of State for our high school student council. (pause) I accomplished a lot in my talks with Luxembourg that year.

Leslie would say that is a lie, but the last three letters in her name are "lie" so can we really trust anything she says?

Colors

The whole point is to live life and be - to use all the colors in the crayon box.

~ RuPaul

- - - - -

Everyone is an artist. We each create every day. Some of you, though... your art isn't really very good. Try harder.

Hot

To every man is given the key to the gates of heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell.

~ Buddhist Proverb

- - - - -

I never thought about it before I saw this, but I guess there probably aren't any fireworks in hell.