Communication

Precision of communication is important, more important than ever, in our era of hair trigger balances, when a false or misunderstood word may create as much disaster as a sudden thoughtless act.

~ James Thurber

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Leslie: I hate it when people post suspenseful things on Facebook. Like my friend just posted, "Rushed to the hospital at 1:30 a.m.!!" and nothing else.

Me: Well, for me it depends on if they're asking for something --

Leslie: PRAYERS! She's asking for prayers! But am I praying for tonsils or a heart attack? Because I'm going to pray differently for those.

Lock

We are chained by our own control. Life is nothing more than finding the key that unlocks every part of our soul.

~ Shannon Adler

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Except if you're Harry Houdini. In that case life is nothing more than finding the key to the locks that are on the chains that have you bound in that tank full of water. 

Window

Many a doctrine is like a window pane. We see truth through it, but it divides us from truth.

~ Kahlil Gibran

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I see all these posts right now of people visiting other people and talking to them through their windows. People going to retirement homes to see parents or grandparents, people visiting each other, but maintaining social distance.

And yet, when I do that to try and get to know my neighbors, they get all mad about it. 

Hey, neighbor! I'm just trying to make this a FRIENDLY pandemic for us all. What the heck?!! Why did you even come to the window when I gently rapped on it in the middle of the night if you didn't want to chat?

Sheesh.

Perspective

If you love someone, the greatest gift you can give them is your presence.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

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So... This is the photo from my post yesterday. I had written that post months ago. Today, the tissue box has a different meaning. In our current context of TP hoarding by people who have not yet developed an understanding of community - at least not in the way that I understand it - this message rings true in new ways. We have all had conversations about toilet paper and who has it and who doesn't and where to get it and how much to buy at a time. 

Instead of a box of tissues saying "I'm there..." maybe we should be saying that to each other. Maybe we should work hard to stand by one another all the time, but also especially in times of crisis like right now.

(pause)

Not that I want my community standing right next to me when I actually run out of toilet paper. I meant that more philosophically and less literally.

Toilet

And now I've got to explain the smell that was in there before I went in there. Does that ever happen to you? It's not your fault. You've held your breath, you just wanna get out, and now you open the door and have to explain, "Oh! Listen, there's an odor in there and I didn't do it. It's bad."

~ Ellen Degeneres

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Any Leslie using a public bathroom is Leslie Stall.

Chickens

I like chicken a lot because chicken is generous - that is to say, it's obedient. It will do whatever you tell it to do. 

~ Maya Angelou

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I like gas station chicken salad sandwiches a lot. It's not really the same as what I imagine Dr. Angelou was talking about, but both involve chicken.

Out

FOMO is the enemy of valuing your own time.

~ Andrew Yang

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I do not have a fear of missing out (FOMO). I have a fear of going somewhere and there are people there I have to interact with (FOGSATAPTIHTIW). Maybe fear of going somewhere (FOGS) is an easier acronym to remember.

Restaurants

People who work in professional kitchens may love what they do, but sometimes it's just something that puts food on the table.

~ Alex Guarnaschelli

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We all have our own priorities about restaurants. Some of us focus on the service. Some of the variety on the menu. Some on the plating. Some on the fries:

Laughter

Laughter is poison to fear.

~ George R. R. Martin

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April Fool's Day is one of my favorite holidays. This year I am working from home. I do have a package that is going to Kirk and Jared and Zak so they can celebrate. I suppose I could post a joke or prank on social (distance) media.

Or I could just play a bunch of pranks on Leslie. I think she'd like sharing the holiday with me. And I think she'd love laughing at the funny things I would do. 

No, wait. That's me who would enjoy the laughing.

(pause)

I might play it kind of low key this year.

Dogs

Everyone thinks that they have the best dog. And none of them are wrong.

~ W. R. Purche

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I really want a dog. I might get one sometime soon. I wouldn't mind getting a rescue dog. Or a retired work dog. I don't want a retired cadaver dog, though. I'd be too afraid to take it for a walk.

Working

A change of work is the best rest.

~ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

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This is one of my favorite photos of Kirk and Zak. Zak is a very curious kid. Kirk is a very curious parent. 

Of course I wouldn't trust either of them to work on the plumbing in my house.

Sharing

If you are really grateful, what do you do? You share.

~ W. Clement Stone

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Overheard...

Kid 1: Sharing is caring, and you're not sharing!
Kid 2: I don't care.

Mirrors

It's hard to see your own face without a mirror.

~ Phil McGraw

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Leslie: You're mean.

Me: I know. I don't know why you hang out with me. (Seeing myself in the mirror. I do not look pretty) It must be because I'm so pretty. (Looking at myself again). I look like, "Whoa! It must have been a rough day!" But, nope. I've looked exactly like this all day long.

Distance

Nothing makes earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and the longitudes.

~ Henry David Thoreau

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There is a bunch of talk about how we should all "practice social distancing." Let me tell you something, friend, some of us have been at it so long we don't need any practice at all. It comes naturally.

Photo

Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.

~ Marc Riboud

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I have taken this photo a lot of times. Is it because I never get it right? No. Sometimes I absolutely get it right. This particular photo I got left.

Head

I like living in my head because in there, everyone is kind and innocent.

~ J. Cornel Michel

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As I was shopping and came upon this, I thought to myself, "Who says you can't get a head in life?!"

Self-Portrait

Everything is a self-portrait.

Everything is a diary.

~ Chuck Palahniuk

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How come for the past few decades when I wanted to be alone people called me "anti-social" but now that everyone is doing it, it's this cool "social distancing" trend? Nice work spin doctors. 

Sheesh. It really is hard to be someone ahead of their time.

Words

Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.

~ Rudyard Kipling

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When people say things like, "The word LOSING is not in my vocabulary!" or "I don't know the meaning of the word IMPOSSIBLE!" it doesn't intimidate me at all. Actually it makes me sad for them. Those are kind of basic words that should be in most everyone's vocabulary.

Tickets

Buy the ticket. Take the ride.

~ Hunter S. Thompson

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Leslie invited me to go to "Bright Star" by Steve Martin and Edie Brickell.

My email response.

Me: It's not Edie Brickell. It's Eydie Gorme.

(pause)

Me: And it's not Steve Martin. It's Steve Lawrence.

(longer pause during which I realize I don't know what I'm talking about.)

Me: (trying to cover up that I am an idiot) I make me laugh.

Leslie: (no pause at all) You're an idiot.

Linger

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.

~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

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We are encouraged to bolt from one moment or stimuli to the next. The value of lingering is under appreciated. Sit. Be still. Stay in beautiful moments. Make it awkward if need be.

The other day I was in the grocery store and the guy stocking the wine was singing along to "Every Rose Has It's Thorn." 

I hung out next to the juice section for a little extra time just to listen to him. Not because he was a good singer, but just because he was singing.

Fortunately, no one needed juice while that song was playing.