Dogs

Everyone thinks that they have the best dog. And none of them are wrong.

~ W. R. Purche

- - - - -

I really want a dog. I might get one sometime soon. I wouldn't mind getting a rescue dog. Or a retired work dog. I don't want a retired cadaver dog, though. I'd be too afraid to take it for a walk.

Working

A change of work is the best rest.

~ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

- - - - -

This is one of my favorite photos of Kirk and Zak. Zak is a very curious kid. Kirk is a very curious parent. 

Of course I wouldn't trust either of them to work on the plumbing in my house.

Sharing

If you are really grateful, what do you do? You share.

~ W. Clement Stone

- - - - -

Overheard...

Kid 1: Sharing is caring, and you're not sharing!
Kid 2: I don't care.

Mirrors

It's hard to see your own face without a mirror.

~ Phil McGraw

- - - - -

Leslie: You're mean.

Me: I know. I don't know why you hang out with me. (Seeing myself in the mirror. I do not look pretty) It must be because I'm so pretty. (Looking at myself again). I look like, "Whoa! It must have been a rough day!" But, nope. I've looked exactly like this all day long.

Distance

Nothing makes earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and the longitudes.

~ Henry David Thoreau

- - - - -

There is a bunch of talk about how we should all "practice social distancing." Let me tell you something, friend, some of us have been at it so long we don't need any practice at all. It comes naturally.

Photo

Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.

~ Marc Riboud

- - - - -

I have taken this photo a lot of times. Is it because I never get it right? No. Sometimes I absolutely get it right. This particular photo I got left.

Head

I like living in my head because in there, everyone is kind and innocent.

~ J. Cornel Michel

- - - - -

As I was shopping and came upon this, I thought to myself, "Who says you can't get a head in life?!"

Self-Portrait

Everything is a self-portrait.

Everything is a diary.

~ Chuck Palahniuk

- - - - -

How come for the past few decades when I wanted to be alone people called me "anti-social" but now that everyone is doing it, it's this cool "social distancing" trend? Nice work spin doctors. 

Sheesh. It really is hard to be someone ahead of their time.

Words

Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.

~ Rudyard Kipling

- - - - -

When people say things like, "The word LOSING is not in my vocabulary!" or "I don't know the meaning of the word IMPOSSIBLE!" it doesn't intimidate me at all. Actually it makes me sad for them. Those are kind of basic words that should be in most everyone's vocabulary.

Tickets

Buy the ticket. Take the ride.

~ Hunter S. Thompson

- - - - -

Leslie invited me to go to "Bright Star" by Steve Martin and Edie Brickell.

My email response.

Me: It's not Edie Brickell. It's Eydie Gorme.

(pause)

Me: And it's not Steve Martin. It's Steve Lawrence.

(longer pause during which I realize I don't know what I'm talking about.)

Me: (trying to cover up that I am an idiot) I make me laugh.

Leslie: (no pause at all) You're an idiot.

Linger

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.

~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

- - - - -

We are encouraged to bolt from one moment or stimuli to the next. The value of lingering is under appreciated. Sit. Be still. Stay in beautiful moments. Make it awkward if need be.

The other day I was in the grocery store and the guy stocking the wine was singing along to "Every Rose Has It's Thorn." 

I hung out next to the juice section for a little extra time just to listen to him. Not because he was a good singer, but just because he was singing.

Fortunately, no one needed juice while that song was playing.

Looking

Look back and smile on. Perils pass.

~ Sir Walter Scott

- - - - -

Me: Why are you looking at me funny?!

Leslie: Because you're funny looking.

Independent

The toddler craves independence, but he fears desertion. 

~ Dorothy Corkille Briggs

- - - - -

I was talking with Kirk the other day. He had - according to him - one of the worst days ever with Zak. First Zak said the bear Kirk and Jared got him was stupid. Then he screamed in time out. Kirk opened the door to check on Zak after he'd been quiet for a while.

Kirk: I opened the door to the most terrifying thing ever - guess what he was doing?

Me: Climbing out the window.

Kirk: (long silence) Okay. So thank you for coming up with something worse than what he was actually doing. He was sitting on top of his dresser.

Me: Oh. That's not good.

Kirk: No. I went off. When I was done and we were discussing it, Zak said, "You were MAD, Papa." I told him, "I wasn't mad, Zak. I was scared. You could have gotten hurt." Then we talked about it for a while. Either he understood why I was afraid or else he thinks I'm a fraidy cat.

Me: When some kid at school says, "My dad can beat up your dad," Zak is going to say, "Yep."

Kirk: (laughing)

Me: "My papa is afraid of dressers."

Kirk: (laughing a lot more). See? That's why I called you. I feel better now.

I think we all learned some important lessons today. First, Zak understood that his papa loves him and doesn't want him to get hurt even on the days when Papa doesn't really like Zak's behavior. Second, Kirk learned that bad days with toddlers make good stories. Third, I learned that I should probably run a hotline to help parents find the humor in their days.

But we all know that I wouldn't answer the hotline calls unless they came from someone I knew, so maybe we shouldn't do that last thing.

Kayaking

The first river you paddle runs through the rest of your life. It bubbles up in pools and eddies to remind you who you are.

~ Lynn Culbreath Noel

- - - - -

I like to watch Leslie kayak. I feel like when she is on the water like this her sense of balance is restored. I'm sure not every kayaking adventure is smooth or easy. Some days it is very hot and humid. Some days the water is rough. Other times there are too many people out and about, so she doesn't probably get the peace she is looking for.

The important thing is that sometimes it does work. And sometimes she does find peace. 

Too many of us - myself included - don't dedicate time and energy as often as we should to find peace. We stay with routines. We work hard. We work to meet others' expectations. But we don't dedicate energy to finding peace in our lives. 

That's stupid.

Tomatoes

It took me all my life to learn how to salt a tomato.

~ Eric Ripert

- - - - -

It's weird how we have all learned that "BLT" means "bacon, lettuce, and tomato." Why don't we automatically think it's "bacon, licorice, and tomato"? Or "banana, lettuce, and tomato"?

(pause)

I guess because those are gross.

Cool

My parents are the coolest of the cool on every single level, and it's because they have a deep appreciation for every moment of their lives.

~ Rashida Jones

- - - - -


Every kid should think their parents are cool for at least a little bit. 


I think Zak's got a few years left before he realizes what goofballs his parents are - even though I keep telling him every time I see him that they're dorky.

Also, every kid should think their aunt is cool forever. 

Mama

My mother told me to be a lady. And for her that meant be your own person. Be independent.

~ Ruth Bader Ginsburg

- - - - -

Aurora: I don't want to wear my hat.

GoGo: I don't know... your mom said you need to.

Aurora: But Mama's not here. She won't see it.

Shoe

One shoe can change your life.

~ Cinderella

- - - - -

Two shoes can change your ability to walk long distances if you don't have a pumpkin carriage to ride home in.

Questions

We live in a world that our questions create.

~ David Cooperrider

- - - - -

I wonder if the people who say, "Asking for a friend" at the end of a question are really asking for a friend. If so, I wonder if those friends are annoyed that they couldn't be trusted to ask their own questions. And if yes, I wonder if all of this leads to a termination of those friendships.

Fun

Fun is like fine beer. It is rarely enjoyable alone.

~ African Proverb

- - - - -

Like Leslie always says to me, "There is no fun without U."

(pause)

Of course, I'm not sure I'm the only person she says that to. You know how she can be.

Clown

Nobody likes a clown at midnight.

~ Stephen King

Or any other time.

~ Michelle Boettcher

- - - - -

I like to watch House Hunters, but sometimes the people really get on my nerves. There was one guy who said, "Oh, that bevel the counter - We'd have to get rid of that right away." 

How easy has your life been that you're going to freak out over counter beveling?!

Now... if someone on that show said, "The creepy clown that comes with the house and can't be removed -- I'm just not sure about living with that. "THAT I understand!" 

Also, how can someone demand you keep a clown in a house once you buy it. I'll tell you how -- because the clown is cursed and you're in a horror film. I'm not watching that movie, looking at that house, or living a life that would serve as the basis for that movie. 

I'm also not watching a show called Clown House Hunters.

Education

Children have to be educated, but they also have to be left to educate themselves.

~ Ernest Dimnet

- - - - -

Kirk and Jared give Zak lots of learning opportunities. They also let him learn lots of things for himself. Things like how to rewire a house, how to survive a bear attack, and how to skydive. Way to inspire autonomy and self-efficacy in your child, gentlemen.

Writing

A writer should get as much education as possible, but just going to school is not enough. If it were, all owners of doctorates would be inspired writers.

~ Gwendolyn Brooks

- - - - -

I had to look up what the antonym of inspire is. I found dishearten and dispirit among a few other words. As part of my faculty job, I write. I am a writer. I don't know that I am inspired by academic writing. I am inspired by some writing. Like writing wrongs. 

I mean righting wrongs. 

I'm also a superhero. 

Communication

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.

~ Margaret Thatcher

- - - - -

"An action movie with a female superhero will never be any good or make any money," he told her.

Clearly he didn't know who he was talking to. Even though she clearly had on her Batgirl outfit.

Fungi

If a healthy soil is full of death, it is also full of life; worms, fungi, microorganisms of all kinds... Given only the health of the soil, nothing that dies is dead for very long.

~ Wendell Berry

- - - - -

If death is a result of life And life is a result of death
Then that's about all there is. There isn't mushroom for anything else.

Creativity

All creative people want to do the unexpected.

~ Hedy Lamarr

- - - - -

The weekend Leslie was out of town, these are some of the things I did while sitting in the living room in front of the TV. I worked on my blog, I worked on a "paint by sticker" thing, and I worked on organizing some of my music.

Oh, and I did some chores (see list on scrap of paper).

Here are some of the things I didn't do: Win a Nobel Prize, get a contract to turn my novel into a film, write my novel, paint the garage, shoot a man in Reno - just to watch him die. I actually didn't even go to Reno. Good thing because if I had - who knows what might have happened.

Census

A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with a nice chianti and some fava beans.

~ Dr. Hannibal Lecter, Silence of the Lambs

- - - - -

I think that the census is important, but I don't have a lot of confidence in it. I guess we have to try, though. I am glad that the Census Bureau doesn't use that Hannibal Lecter quote to recruit people. I don't think it would work. 

Instead they use the image below. I feel like the image is not really representative of what it's like to be a census taker, though. But there are lots of things I don't know, so maybe I'm wrong. I guess someone has to conduct the census in the botanical gardens. I guess. (pause) I don't know much about the census process.

March

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

~ Jack Handy

- - - - -

March Fourth.

Also, I love Jack Handy.

Bouquet

Always keep that happy attitude. 

Pretend that you are holding a beautiful, fragrant bouquet.

~ Earl Nightingale

- - - - -

This is what I imagine Leslie imagines when she is pretending that she is holding a beautiful, fragrant bouquet. 

Either this or that bouquet of staplers I made her one time.

Getting

(photo by Kirk Boettcher)

I have discovered in life that there are ways of getting almost anywhere you want to go, if you really want to go.

~ Langston Hughes

- - - - -

I got this Ken doll for Zak for Valentines Day. Actually I got it back in December, but I'd already sent off the Hanukkah packages, so I saved it. 

Ken is a barista. Ken has a man bun. Zak sometimes wears a man bun. I thought he might like it.

When Kirk sent me this photo and said thank you, I responded and said, "I want Zak to choose whatever career he wants. I'm not trying to pressure him into coffee shop work."

That is only partly true. I will at some point probably pressure him to try to get on the Supreme Court. But not for a couple of more years.

Vacation

The story of the Utah prairie dog is the story of our range of compassion. If we can extend our idea of community to include the lowliest of creatures, call them 'the untouchables,' then we will indeed be closer to a path of peace and tolerance. If we cannot accommodate 'the other', the shadow we will see on our own home ground will be the forecast of our own species' extended winter of the soul.

~ Terry Tempest Williams

- - - - -

I bet a prairie dog takes vacation during the prairie dog days of summer. Actually, I hope the prairie dog is really on vacation and not having an operation or - worse yet - dead and waiting to be replaced. I remember that show from my childhood - Little House on the Prairie Dog. This sign reminds me of that show. 

What a stupid show.

Also - BUBBLES!