Immaturity

For many, immaturity is an ideal, not a defect.

~ Mason Cooley

- - - - -

TV: Handmaid's Tale is for mature audiences only.

Leslie: Oh! You have to leave now, Michelle!

She thinks I'm an immature audience. She's a mean poopy-pants.

Fungi

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he's a fungi!

~ Lily Tomlin

- - - - -

You might think this is a sea monster or some kind of underwater creature. It isn't it's a fungi thing I saw and took a photo of. As I recall it was growing in a small, dark space. You know why fungi grow so well in tiny spaces? Because they don't need too mushroom to grow.

Morning

Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.

~ Ursula K. Le Guin

- - - - -

I am definitely a morning person. When my time is my own, I get up before sunrise, write, go to work, work, go take photos, journal -- whatever the day calls for. Sometimes my time is dictated by others or other commitments. Sometimes I sleep in. But I love mornings.

I know not everyone is like that. Like my dental hygienist for example. My last appointment was at 8 a.m. As she approached my mouth with that hook tool instrument thing for my checkup she said, "I'm not a morning person. I do better around 10 a.m."

Shoe

It doesn't matter how great your shoes are if you don't accomplish anything in them.

~ Martina Boone

- - - - -

There's no business like shoe business.

Except cobbling.

Songs

My songs are the door to every dream I've ever had and every success I've ever achieved.

~ Dolly Parton

- - - - -

I believe that we all have songs in us and they open doors to who we are. Some of the songs don't have music so they are more like poems. And some of the songs are not in tune. And some of the songs are pretty negative. Some of our songs just sound like screaming and drums.

(pause)

I'm glad we don't all sing the songs in us.

Choices

We are our choices.

~ Jean-Paul Sartre

- - - - -

I emailed Kirk the other day and asked him about the following (an image I took from a publisher's web site in the kid's books section). We had this exchange:

Me: If you were shopping and came across the following listing of books, which would you choose for your child?

Kirk: Either Squiffy... because that name is silly... or Gatsby... because that name is silly too.

Which one I would not choose: That Baby Bear one primarily because it explores themes of decadence, idealism, resistance to change, social upheaval and excess creating a portrait of the Roaring 20s that had been described as a cautionary tale regarding The American Dream.

Zak absolutely hates cautionary tales regarding The American Dream!!! That's why we had to quit reading Go to Bed, Little Mouse!

Fungi

Fungi are the grand recyclers of the planet and the vanguard species in habitat restoration.

~ Paul Stamets

- - - - -

If fungi went to the grocery store and the cashier asked if they wanted paper or plastic, the fungi would proudly say that they brought their own bags. 

Of course they would need help to the car with their items.

Travel

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.

~ George Moore

- - - - -

What he needs is probably - love, hope, his car keys, his glasses, and his shoes.

Silver

The oars were silver: Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke.

~ Shakespeare

"No," said the rich man. I do not want silver nitrate for my wounds. I want gold nitrate."

The rich man died of ignorance. And a nasty infection.

Fear

Fear is the highest fence.

~ Dudley Nichols

- - - - -

The idea that someone invented barbed wire fence is fascinating to me. People are so very clever. Also, I bet fear of barbed wire fences is a bit higher than fear by itself. 

Tippy

I love you, Tippy. I don't mean it to sound corny or kidlike, and I'm not asking you to love me. I just want you to know it, that's all.

~ Janet Lambert

- - - - -

Apparently Janet Lambert was an actress and a writer of young adult books - including eight books about Tippy Parrish written between 1948 and 1969 the titles of which included Rainbow after the Rain and Song in Their Hearts.

If I were to write young adult books about Tippy the dog, the titles might include:

I Hate You
Go Away
I Hate You, II
Rocking the Vest, But Hating the Neighbor
Bark! Bark! Bark!

I don't know who would read those books. Probably not young adults.

Intense

What we lack is intensity of life.

~ Carl Jung

- - - - - -

In the photo above, Kirk and Zak are watching Scooby Doo. This, in my opinion, is about as intense as things should ever be for a three or four-year-old.

Arctic Boy

It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.

~ Dylan Thomas

- - - - -

An arctic boy is what you call a baby snowman. No -- it's what you call a baby snowman swimming. No -- I think it's a cooler of some kind.

A cooler like this is one you could put tea in. For Dylan Thomas and his brother.

And thus, the blog post had come full circle.

Ferris

I see nothing in space as promising as the view from a ferris wheel.

~ E. B. White

- - - - -

What if Ferris Bueller's middle name is Wheel? That would be pretty funny. But not as funny as if his middle name was "Tugboat" or "Boarshead" or "Doodlepants."

Conversation

It was impossible to get a conversation going. Everybody was talking too much. 

~ Yogi Berra

- - - - -

"Your bonnet really matches this stool," said Dolly McDollface.

"Yours doesn't. You don't even have a friggin bonnet!" replied Cutesy Babykins.

Cutesy Babykins never quite lived up to her name. She was a little hag.

RUN!

Running away from the problem only increases the distance from the solution.

~ Nishan Panway

- - - - -

Maybe that quote is true. But when I saw a black widow spider on the floor of our bathroom, you can bet your butt I ran away. Okay, so it wasn't a black widow, it was a wadded up piece of blue string with a little bit of pink fuzz on it, but still.

Mistakes

Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.

~ Sophia Loren

- - - - -

Some of the best decisions I have ever made were things I thought were mistakes at the time. 

Mistakes + perspective = self.

Mistakes + h + l + k -t = Milkshakes.

Puddles

Every path hath a puddle.

~ George Herbert

- - - - -

In thinking about the coming year, knowing that "every path hath a puddle" we have some options. We can dread the puddle and use our non-puddled time worrying about the puddle. We can talk about how our puddles are worse than everyone else's puddles because we don't ever really have a clue about others' puddles. We can wallow in the puddle - actively seeking misery rather than joy. We can accept the puddle and experience dread only when in the puddle. Or we can love the puddle and the experiences it will bring. Puddles are not solely about wet socks and shoes. Puddles are about splashes and action and moments of excitement - AND wet socks and shoes. But sometimes totally worth it.

Conversation

One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.
~ Linda Lambert

- - - - -

My brother says, "We don't throw our shoes, right?" or "We don't throw toys in the car, right?" He says that a LOT. This is Zak's, "I don't hear what you're saying," look.

Also, I don't know what "we" Kirk's talking about because he used to do that shit all the time.

Heads

If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?

~ T. S. Eliot

- - - - -

If you go to visit someone and upon arrival they offer you a dish of doll heads, you should probably take one. If you don't, it would be rude. Plus, if they ask you later which head you chose, you'll want to be able to answer.

But don't take the doll head home with you. How are you going to explain that to your roommates or guests? Unless you end up with a dish of dollheads - then you can give them away as people come to visit you.

Post

Anytime you see a turtle on a fence post you know he had some help.

~ Alex Haley

- - - - - 

Anytime you see a horse on a post you don't know what the hell is going on.

Brother

What strange creatures brothers are!

~ Jane Austen

- - - - -
Today is my brother's birthday. This is a photo of him being all proud that he is taller than a lighthouse. He has no sense of depth perception.

My apologies. I should have stopped that last sentence after the word "sense."

Winter

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.

~ Edith Sitwell

- - - - -

When people say, "Santa was good to us this year" what they are really saying is, "We bought ourselves a lot of shit we wanted and we're happy about that."

Peace

Nobody can give you peace but yourself.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

I hope anyone who reads this is able to find peace today and every - or at least most days. We all need more of that. Be kind to yourself. Like the quote says - "Nobody can give you peace but yourself."

What is also true is that others can give you a piece of cake or pie. I like strawberry rhubarb pie please - as long as you're up.

Hummel

I don't think any collector knows his true motivation.

~ Robert Mapplethorpe

- - - - -


Dad used to get mom one of these Hummels every couple of years for Christmas. 

Okay. So apparently Hummel Figurines were originally designed by Berta Hummel who became Sister Maria Innocentia Hummel (M. I. Hummel) and died at 37. I had no idea my mother was collecting the tchotchkes of a dead woman.

They are what Precious Moments figurines look like before the children are doused with toxic waste. (If you think I'm not a fan of Precious Moments, you should meet my friend Leslie. She's a bigger not fan than I am).

Happy Christmas Eve.

Kindness

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

~ Aesop

- - - - -

Leslie has some special dishes she likes to use at Christmas. When I was working on stuff in the garage while she was in PA last year around this time, I pulled a few decorations for the little tree I had gotten. I also saw her dishes. 

At first I wasn't going to get them out. However, Leslie really likes having Christmas dinner off of those dishes. And they were right there. With the tumblers and the wine glasses and the placemats. Why would I NOT get them out? But still, I almost didn't.

"If we get them out, we'll just have to put them away again," I said to myself. Of course the same was true for the string of lights and the little bulbs and the one ornament I had just gotten out. And she loves those dishes. They are important to her.

So, I brought out dishes. I put them on a shelf in the laundry room so they were out of the way, but easy to get when dinner time came on Christmas. Then I sort of forgot I did that.

A week or so later - on Christmas Eve - Leslie came and said, "I know you probably think this is silly, but I really want to use the Christmas dishes for dinner tomorrow." I gave her a look - mainly because I had forgotten that I didn't tell her I had gotten them out. I think she read my look as resistance. "I'll get them out and I'll put them away," she said - trying to convince me.

I realized I hadn't told her and that she must not have seen the dishes on the shelf. 

"I got them out already. They're in the laundry room. I got the dishes and the tumblers and the wine glasses. The only thing I didn't get was the relish dish thing. I am not sure where that is."

She stared at me. Then she thanked me. "That was so nice," she said.

"I did something nice," I agreed. 

"You do nice things all the ti--  Well, most of the time," she agreed.

Receiving

It is thrifty to prepare today for the wants of tomorrow.

~ Aesop

- - - - -

I am prepared for the wants of tomorrow. And the wants of today. I am prepared for the wants to be fulfilled so I don't have to want them anymore.

Butterfly

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

- - - - - 

Butterflies are nice, but very susceptible to illness. That's why we see them more in the summer than the winter. In the winter most of them are at home with the butterflu.

Holiday

Every moment of light and dark is a miracle.

~ Walt Whitman

- - - - -

I have heard people say that as you get older your Christmas list gets shorter because the things you want can't be bought.

I completely agree.

You can't buy things like Jarts (the real javelin style ones with the metal tips) or Koogle or dinner with Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Well, I could buy her dinner, but I don't know her.

Happy birthday, Justice Ginsburg. Let me know if you want to grab dinner sometime.

Confusion

He who knows he is a fool is not the biggest fool; 

He who knows he is confused is not in the biggest confusion.

~ Chuang Tzu

- - - - -

Last year Leslie watched Elf with me. It was the first time she had seen it. One of my favorite moments was the following...

Narwhal: Bye, Buddy. I hope you find your dad.
Buddy: Thanks, Mr. Narwhal.
Leslie: (pause) What the @?&# was that?!!

Holidays

Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.

~ Ellen DeGeneres

- - - - -

I don't think "cheese log" is particularly appealing as a phrase. However, I do think it is more appealing than "cheese loaf."

Friends

A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

~ Walter Winchell

- - - - -

Cookie Monster was friends with the giraffe because he admired her long neck. The giraffe was frieds with Cookie Monster because she admired that he had two pairs of legs and feet.

Going

Life is like a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

~ Albert Einstein

- - - - -

In Einstein's defense, there weren't scooters like this around in his time. Otherwise I'm sure he would have said, "Life is like a bicycle and Zak's scooter. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."

I would wonder how Einstein knew Zak, but Zak gets around, so it's possible. Mostly he gets around on his scooter.

Or his bike. 

I guess you're right after all, Einstein. 

Dock

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay

Watchin' the tide roll away

Sittin' on the dock of the bay

Wastin' time

~ Otis Redding

- - - - -

I disagree, Otis. I don't think that is a waste of time at all. Watching the tide can be relaxing. You can find your peace watching the tide. You can remember your place and purpose in the world.

Unless you're talking about watching an empty Tide detergent container. In that case, I agree. Go get that before it rolls away. Litterbug.

Hat

The personality of the wearer and the hat makes the hat.

~ Philip Treacy

- - - - -

"I look fabulous," thought the wall wearing the hat. 

"You look fabulous because of ME," said the hat.

"Because of you and because of my great personality," pushed back the wall.

"Mostly because of me," continued the hat. "Without me, you're rather flat."

Doll

Names have power.

~ Rick Riordan

- - - - -

"Helga Sternbottom was not a cutesy name for a doll, but dammit if that was what they named her, that was who she would be," thought the doll Helga Sternbottom."

Language

Fatigue is the best pillow.

~ Ben Franklin

- - - - -

Leslie: You're a slugabed.

Me: (pause). That's not a thing.

Leslie: It is. It's a word. It's in the dictionary.

Me: (pause) It's not a word. It's not in the dictionary.

Leslie: It's a word. I've heard it before.

Me: You've heard it before because you said it out loud. That's where you heard it.

Leslie: It's a word.

Me: (annoyed and looking at my phone) It's not a word. You made -- (silence)

Leslie: (smiling)

Me: It's a word.

Leslie: That's what I said.

Me: (staring at phone) How did you do that?

Leslie: Do what?

Me: (showing her the definition for "slugabed" on my phone). How did you work the internet to post that word everywhere like it's a real word?

Leslie: I know words and what they mean.

Me: And it's not a very nice word to call someone. "A lazy person who stays in bed late." 

Leslie: I know words and what they mean.

Voices

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.

~ Peggy O'Mara

- - - - -

Poor Zak. If that quote is true then his inner voice sounds like a combination between Bea Arthur and Elmo.

Graffiti

People say graffiti is ugly, irresponsible, and childish... but that's only if it's done properly.

~ Banksy

- - - - -

You might wonder if Leslie did all the graffiti here.

If you do, you probably haven't ever met Leslie.

Bridge

The arts bridge cultures; they're good for the economy and they're good for fostering empathy and decency.

~ Julie Andrews

- - - - - 

I was going to trick you and use a windshield quote instead of a bridge quote with this photo, but when I entered "windshield quotes" all I got was information about how much windshields costs.

Ultimately, I guess that windshields, bridges, and the arts all matter. They also all have the letter S in them if you talk about them in the plural.

Shoes

We ought not to treat living creatures like shoes or household belongings, which when worn with use we throw away.

~ Plutarch

- - - - -

The divorced shoes hung out at the shoe repair place.

Skateboard

All skateboarding is putting ideas into action.

~ Marc Johnson

- - - - -

Why is it "skate board" and "roller skates"? Doesn't that seem inconsistent? Shouldn't it be skate board and skate shoes? Or roller board and roller boots? Or skate board and - wait. What happened to my skate brogans?

Safety

The dangers are infinite and among them is safety.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

- - - - - 
I think you should call this guy "Safety Duck" not "Duck Safety." If people misheard what you said when you said, "Duck Safety" and they mistook "Duck" for something that rhymes with "Duck" it could sound like you don't care about safety at all when you really, really do.

Actually, now that I think about it, a better name for this guy would be "Dump Duck." 

Friends

Remember, the most valuable antiques are dear, old friends.

~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

- - - - -

Remember that, but don't say it. Because if you say to a bunch of your friends, "Hello, everyone. I'm so glad you're all here. You're my most valuable antiques," people don't like that. At least that's what I heard from someone one time.

Playground

The world is a playground, and death is the night.

~ Rumi

- - - - -

Leslie: How was your journaling?

Me: Fine but noisy. I guess it’s selfish to expect to get the park all to myself. 

(Kid crying in the background)

Me: And there have been kids crying all day too they need to quit their frickin crying. 

Leslie: that’s harsh

Me: (yelling at the kid) You can cry at home! don’t cry in the park! You know what you CAN'T do at home? Play on this playground equipment, so quit your crying and do that!

Leslie: Do you think that helped?

Me: Yep. I think that's why that kid's mom is running over here. To tell me how much it helped. 

Recommendations

Live in rooms full of light. Avoid heavy food. Be moderate in the drinking of wine. Take massage, baths, exercise, and gymnastics. Fight insomnia with gentle rocking or the sound of running water. Change surroundings and take long journeys. Strictly avoid frightening ideas. Indulge in cheerful conversation and amusements. Listen to music.

~ Aulus Cornelius Celsus

- - - - -

With if what "We" recommend (see photo above) and what Aulus Cornelius Celsus recommends produce the exact same results?

Antiques

Old things are always in good repute, present things in disfavor.

~ Tacitus

- - - - -

If you leave things outside in the weather, they might look like antiques even if they aren't.

Playground

Make life your playground, not your battlefield.

~ Ormond McGill

Love is a battlefield.

~ Pat Benatar

- - - - -

I think it's good that Ormond McGill and Pat Benatar never dated. 

(pause)

That I know of.