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Monday, June 26, 2017

Business

Let us give nature a chance. 
She knows her business better than we do.
~ Michel de Montaigne
- - - - -


I think that we all have a tendency to judge and speculate about what others should or should not do. I encourage us to do less of that. We don't know the stories of others. We don't know what they are dealing with. We don't know their dreams. We don't know their fears and histories. We don't know their business.

Well, unless they're in show business. If they're in show business, we can never ever really know their business. Ultimately, there's no business like show business - like no business I know.


Sunday, June 25, 2017

Work

When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home.
~ Betty Bender
- - - - -

I was going through drafts and I came across this:

The eight hour workday. There was a day before that. There are days now that we work more than eight hours. I wonder if there have ever truly been times when we have valued workers more than the work they do.

I am not sure what I was going to write with that. I guess I was just jotting down notes. 

Having reconsidered all of that, this is what I have to say about employees:

em - put in or on
ploy - pasttime, escapade, trick
ee - to whom or what the action is done

Therefore, employee - to put on a trick to whom.

I think that explains a lot. Now get back to work.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Growing

At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.
~ Salvador Dali
- - - - -

I think it's interesting watching kids grow up. One day they are riding around on tricycles and the next thing you know they're flying to Europe. One day they're asking all these WHY questions and the next day they think they have all the answers. One day they're losing teeth and the next day they're losing other teeth. Kids lose a lot of teeth. And then one day they are losing even more teeth because they grow up to be hockey players. One day they're like 17 or something and the next day they're 19 because it's their birthday. But they don't really grow up THAT quickly because they aren't 19 since on their birthday were 18 not 19 because it's hard to do math,

Man it's hard to keep up with kids.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Look

Slow down, totally. You have to slow down and pay attention to everything.
~ Norman Reedus
- - - - -

Basil:  What’s it like being awesome today?


Me:  Awesome.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Water

The tree that is beside running water is fresher and gives more fruit.
~ Saint Teresa of Avila
- - - - -

A fruit seller who is beside running water is the same way, but he's gone a lot because he has to go pee pretty frequently.


Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Aaaaaaahhhh!

Aaah summer - that long anticipated stretch of lazy, lingering days, free of responsibility and rife with possibility. It's a time to hunt for insects, master handstands, practice swimming strokes, conquer trees, explore nooks and crannies, and make new friends.
~ Darrell Hammond
- - - - -

It is interesting how many drafts for future posts I have with photos of Leslie and the caption "Aaaahhh!" (or some near variation of that). I wonder what's up with that...

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Window

Set wide the window. Let me drink the day.
~ Edith Wharton
- - - - -

I think a good movie would be if someone bought some salvaged windows and when they put them in their house and looked out the windows all they could see what the neighborhood of the house where the windows were taken from.

I know it's a lot like my other window movie idea, but this one is different. This one is called "Windows II."

Monday, June 19, 2017

Road

If you're in a bad mood, go for a walk. 
If you're still in a bad mood, go for another walk.
~ Hippocrates
- - - - -

This post is meant in no way to imply that you should take a walk in the middle of a road. I know that's kind of what it looks like, but those yellow lines do not mark a walking path. 

You don't make that mistake more than once.

Or twice.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Theatre

The theatre is a spiritual and social x-ray of it's time.
~ Stella Adler
- - - - -

I think I might like to run a theatre. Maybe I would run it and there would be a small (but wonderful) apartment upstairs where I lived. And actors would come and go. And it would be a fine arts theatre. people would come from far away to see our cutting edge comedies and dramas and experimental performances. 

Of course at first we wouldn't have a lot of money. We might not have funding for all the letters of the sign outside. We might have to abbreviate "Fine Arts Theatre" early on. Maybe we would keep "Arts" and "Theatre" but abbreviate "Fine" with just an F. 

And if we did it would be a FArts Theatre!! And that would be part of our legacy and history. 

Oh, but if we got poor reviews. We would embrace them. When people would write, "That play stinks!" We'd respond with "Well, we are the FArts Theatre!"

I'm just kidding. That would never happen. We would only respond to the positive reviews.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Beach

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, "What are you doing here? You've never worked a day in your life!"
~ Steven Wright
- - - - -

Timmy was angry. His family said that they would take him to the beach. He imagined the fun they would have playing in the water. The cotton candy they would get. He imagined riding the ferris wheel.

When they took him to the beach and told him they'd be back to get him in a few hours, he was not happy.

But what did Timmy expect? He was an asshole.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Beverages

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
~ Erma Bombeck
- - - - -

I do not.

I come from a family of boiled potato-makers where fish soaked in lye and then drenched in butter is considered gravy.

(pause)

I'm not sure that's better than where Erma Bombeck comes from, though.


Thursday, June 15, 2017

Skies

I see skies of blue and clouds of white...
~ Bob Thiele and George David Weiss
- - - - -

I like that song "Wonderful World." Until recently though I misunderstood the next line of the song. I thought it went -

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dogs say goodnight.

Apparently the actual lyrics are "the dark sacred night."

The songwriters clearly weren't as creative as I am.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Pompous

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
~ George Bernard Shaw, Major Barbara
- - - - -

I think it is important to be humble. It's good when others are kept humble, too. That said, while I might choose to put a pompous pig in my belly, I would not do the same to a person. Unless the person's name was Barb. Because - Barb-BQ.  Get it?

Hahahahahahahahah.

Sometimes it's important to rely on yourself to make yourself laugh. Others won't laugh no matter how hilarious you are. They are trying to keep you humble.

Whatever.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

When

He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.
~ Sun Tzu
- - - - -

I find it hard to believe there was an actual time when EVERYBODY was kung fu fighting.

Monday, June 12, 2017

Socks

Never put a sock in a toaster.
~ Eddie Izzard
- - - - -

I told Leslie not to take off her socks or we'd never find them again.

She never listens to me.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Nature

Man knows that he springs from nature and not nature from him.  This is an old and very primitive knowledge.
~ Loren Eiseley
- - - - -

In fact, some of the things that spring from man are very unnatural. Or maybe they're supernatural. Depends on the man. And depends on what the man had for dinner.













Saturday, June 10, 2017

Dancer

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
~ Friedrich Nietzsch
- - - - -

I don't know how good the artist is who made this image. It's not at all how I pictured that reindeer.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Brightness

The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow.
~ George R. R. Martin
- - - - -

Sometimes when I get on a roll writing my blog it's kind of late at night. Then I get tired, but I don't want to quit because I have so many good ideas.

Then a few days later when I read the posts I wrote when I was on a roll, I realize I was mistaken. I should have just gone to bed.

(pause)

No. I'm kidding. I usually think, "Wow. You are a genius." 

Of course I'd never tell anyone that because it would be arrogant of me and I'm way too humble for that. 

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Dolly

Find out who you are and do it on purpose.
~ Dolly Parton
- - - - -

That song "Jolene" by Dolly Parton is one I really like. I like how Dolly Parton has a conversation with Jolene. I think a lot of problems could be solved just by talking instead of hitting or kicking. But I also really think that maybe Dolly Parton should talk to her man. If he's talking about Jolene in his sleep, seems like he might be part of the issue Dolly is concerned about. 

But what do I know? I'm not a licensed counselor. I'd be bad at that job. 

I'd be good at a job picking songs for myself that I like, though.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Drew

Read, read, read. That's all I can say.
~ Carolyn Keene
- - - - -

Nancy Drew was a great sleuth. She did amazing things and had great adventures. Of course that all went down the tubes when she got married. She wanted to keep her name, but her husband insisted she take his name. She reluctantly agreed to hyphenate her last name and his last name. Still, that compromise was pretty much the end of her sleuthing days. It's like by giving up her name she gave up some piece of herself she never really got back again.

It was the world's loss the day she married Wilber Onthewalls.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Flower

What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.  They are but trifles, to be sure, but scattered along life's pathway the good they do is inconceivable.
~ Joseph Addison
- - - - -

My birthday is a month from today.

I want more than smiles.
Or trifles. More than flowers.
I want peace. And toys.


(So I had a draft of this post I was working on. I went back and restructured it because I realized that I had a written a haiku, but had not haiku-formatted it. I am an instinctual haikuist. Not only do I benefit from that, but you - dear, dear reader - you reap the benefits as well. You are quite welcome. No need to thank me. Well, no need to thank me today. You can thank me a month from today.)

Monday, June 5, 2017

Cafe

And the idea of just wandering off to a café with a notebook and writing and seeing where that takes me for awhile is just bliss.
~ J. K. Rowling
- - - - -
I concur, J. K. Rowling. 

I'm sure she was having a lot of sleepless nights wondering if I agreed with her or not. 

I do.  I think taking time with a pen and paper and just pouring it all out is wonderful.  It is a gift.  It is a privilege to have the chance to do that.  Not everyone has the chance to spend time in that way.
I am really grateful to have the chance to do it.  In fact, it is part of my job.  I'm still (and probably forever will be) figuring out how to do it well.  Productively.  In ways that are true to who I am.

I wonder what I will have for lunch while I do that. I hope the weather is nice. 

Also, when I do things like that I eavesdrop a lot.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

House

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
~ George Carlin
- - - - -

When there are shingles on the side of a house making the wall the roof, I think all that serves to do is to confuse Santa Claus.

In writing that, do I think that Santa Claus is a force of evil? I'm just saying that "Santa Claus" can be anagrammed to "An Ass; A Cult."

So, make of that what will.

(pause)

Also, can you let me know what you make of it? 

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Education

To penetrate and dissipate these clouds of darkness, the general mind must be strengthened by education.
~ Thomas Jefferson
- - - - -

I do believe that education is a helpful remedy to most things. I am an educator. I am a student. I am not objective. No one is.

All that education is pretty useless, however, if you're dealing with someone who already thinks he knows everything. Do I have someone specific in mind?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Friday, June 2, 2017

Shell

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
~ Steven Wright
- - - - -

When you see a shell on the beach you can think, "Poor broken shell. You've had a rough go of it." Or you can think, "It's amazing how resilient the shell is - a few broken pieces, you're still there, shell." Or you can think, "Dammit. I stepped on a shell and it hurt my foot." Or you can think, "I wonder if that family will mind if I take some of their sandwiches.

That's what this country is about. Freedom of thought.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Dancing


Let us read, and let us dance; these two amusements will never do any harm to the world.
~ Voltaire
- - - - -

I do think that the notion (not mine) of having a dance-off for major conflicts is mostly a good one. I have to say, however, that when it comes to the idea of major world conflicts being handled by dance offs between world leaders... I don't know if I would want that to be the case. First of all, I'm not sure how well we would fare in that. Second, I don't particularly want to watch world leaders dance.

I will say one thing though. If there were tsars, I might like to watch them dance. They could put it on TV. You know where this is headed, right? You know what the show would be called. You do. Right?

You do.

It would be called "Dancing with the Tsars."

(pause)

I'm really sorry.

But isn't Aurora cute?

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Coloring

Life is about using the whole box of crayons.
~ Ru Paul
- - - - -

When I was in kindergarten, I was coloring a picture. Somehow I think it was a picture of a rocking chair. That seems like a weird picture for kindergarteners to color, but what do I know? My degree isn't in curriculum and instruction.

Anyway, I liked bold colors. I used to push down really hard so the colors were bolder and brighter. 

One time - I think this rocking chair time - my kindergarten teacher came by and picked up my picture and said, "Look class," I thought she was going to tell everyone what a good job I did. She continued, "This is NOT the way you should be coloring. You'll break your crayons."

I said, "Look class," and pointed at my kindergarten teacher. "This is NOT the way you should teach kindergarteners. You'll break their spirit."

(pause)

I didn't really say that last part. But I do blame that teacher for my failure to be a famous artist. And also for developing my resilience. 

And guess who doesn't get to boss me around about my coloring now? That's right - Miss Sassaman. I guess I showed her.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Weather

Friends are like the sunshine of life.
~ John Hay
- - - - -

Nemeses are like the sandstorms of life. 

Sandstorms of sand burrs. 

(pause)

Sheesh. I hope that isn't a real kind of weather.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Patriotism

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
~ George Washington
- - - - -

George - it's surprising how true those words are today - just as if not more true than when you said them. But then, you never could tell a lie.

Allegedly.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Dystopian

I think dystopian futures are also a reflection of current fears.
~ Lauren Oliver
- - - - -

Know what else is a reflection of current fears, Lauren Oliver? Not just dystopian futures, but also dystopian presents.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Wand

Style is a magic wand, and it turns to gold everything it touches.
~ Logan Pearsall Smith
- - - - -

I don't care what someone is wearing or what they look like. If they have a magic wand, give them some space. Because it could be for good things, but it could also be a black magic wand. Like the Santana song. Be careful.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Suitcase

Just get a bag and drop a dream in it and you'll be surprised what happens.
~ Charles Nelson Reilly
- - - - -

Other things that will surprise you if you drop them in a bag:

Cat
Water Balloon
Eggs
Fire
Sleeping Bat
Awake Bat
Half-Asleep Bat

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Throne

A throne is only a bench covered in velvet.
~ Napoleon Bonaparte
- - - - -

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted the trappings of royalty without the responsibility of leading. Each day he would take something from the castle and hide it in a secret place beyond the castle walls. His plan was to eventually stockpile enough of the beautiful things that he could enjoy them in peace and leave his kingdom for someone else to rule.

He had collected nearly every item he wanted. The last thing he wanted to take was his throne. He wrapped his throne in a large beach towel and was about to cross the drawbridge when he was stopped. The knights standing guard had seen him acting suspiciously over the past few days, and when they saw him struggling with a large object, they made him halt and they searched him. They found out he was stealing from the castle, the kingdom, and - by extension - the people. 

When confronted, the king admitted what he had wrapped up in his bundle and he hung his head in shame. He tried to explain he didn't want to be king, but he wanted some of the royal items, but it was of no use. He was immediately arrested and thrown in the dungeon. 

The next day the headline in the newspaper read: 

"King: Throne in the Towel!"

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Seeds

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.
~ Robert Louis Stevenson
- - - - -

Spring is a time when you plant and prepare for the summer ahead and then the fall.

In the case of this slightly blurry photo you can plant the seeds of nausea.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Museum

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
~ Steven Wright
- - - - -

When Marty and Carol were here we went to the Granite Museum. Except it was only open from 2-5.

"Open 2-5?!" we said in surprise to ourselves. 

The someone said, "Next time we better call ahead in case Wilbur has a dentist appointment." 

We assumed the person who ran this museum was named Wilbur. 

You could say we "took it for granite" that the museum would be open when we were there.

But don't say that. It sounds ridiculous.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Fallen

Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand.
~ Hayley Williams
- - - - -

I'm no ecologist, but I am pretty sure I could have figured this out without the label.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Discipline

"Freshmen were assigned to upperclassmen to serve as orderlies throughout their first year.  This daily service included cleaning rooms, making beds, and running errands of all kinds.  Inadequate attention to these duties resulted in discipline - usually, as here, administered with a broom or paddle. Occasionally all the "rats" on a company hall would undergo mass discipline - events called "pep meetings" - by upperclassmen armed with paddles, coat hangers and those dreaded long-handled brooms."

Discomfort is very much part of my master plan.
~ Jonathan Lethem
- - - - -

I think a good name for a band would be "Discomfort." Except I would spell it "DISCOmfort." 

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Building

I saw a subliminal advertising executive today, but just for a second.
~ Steven Wright
- - - - -

The word executive comes from the Medieval Latin exsequi which means "to carry out." That's interesting to me because I don't think in a lot of cases the executives do much carrying out. I think that's the regular people doing that.

But what do I know? I'm no executive.

But the really bad and rotten executives. The ones who go to jail (or SHOULD go to jail), we should call them something different. "Ex-executives" sounds stupid. Instead, I suggest that since those people are cons - conning people and communities out of the little that they have - because of that they are...

They are consecutives.

That's what I think.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Plaid

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
~ Albert Einstein
- - - - -

I do not remember taking this photo of this sign. And this sign seems like something that would be hard to forget. 

Other than "Jersey Boys" you don't see a ginormous plaid sign very often. Well, "Foam & Fabric," "Jersey Boys," and "Kiltmart."

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Building

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
~ Anais Nin
- - - - -

"It's not until you can drive nails straight each time you swing your hammer that you will be ready to build a house," the old carpenter told the boy. The boy nodded solemnly because he was a solemn kind of boy and it was olden times when kids listened to old people.

The boy practiced and practiced and practiced. He was not good at first, but he got better. It took time - months, years even. He practiced. 

Once he would get good at driving nails in a certain way, the old carpenter would have him connect boards at different angles. Slowly but surely, the boy got better and better and better.

Then one day, the boy looked up and realized he had indeed built a house. He was so excited and happy. He ran to the old carpenter to thank him. 

"I see what you did, old carpenter! You had me build a house. You had me build a house for myself to teach myself that I could do it. To show me the value of hard work and continued effort. And now I have a house. Thank you, old carpenter. Thank you."

The old carpenter smiled at him and said, "Yes, you have built a fine house." Then the old carpenter grew serious, "But this house is for me. It is payment for all I have taught you. I get to have this house."

The boy was sad, but understood and realized that this was yet another lesson the old carpenter had taught him.

"And one more thing," the old carpenter said. The boy turned - anxious for any additional bit of wisdom the old carpenter might share.

"Don't call me old. It's rude."

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Seeing

Do not look too far for you will see nothing.
~ Dejan Stojakovic
- - - - -

So Aurora and I FaceTimed. With Aurora that means that I looked at the ceiling while she ran from room to room. Occasionally we did stop so she could show me some rocks. Of course she didn't really hold the rocks where I could see them, so we came up with words that rhyme with rocks. Those words consist of rocks and box and then fox and sox (to which she said "I have that book!"). But when I tried "blocks" she said that didn't rhyme, but she did have some blocks she wanted to show me. I can only assume she showed them to me because she didn't hold them where I could see it.

The moral of this story is that it doesn't matter so much where you look. It matter what you pay attention to - that's what you really see.

Also, I think that FaceTime is why they call it a ceiling (see-ling). Yep. I bet that's why. 

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Parking

I find that the three major administrative problems on a campus are sex for the students, athletics for the alumni, and parking for the faculty.
~ Clark Kerr
- - - - -

Roger parked his bike in the same spot every day. He parked there because Gwen parked her car there whenever the spot was available. It took several weeks, but finally Roger got to his bike at the same time Gwen got to her car. He introduced himself. She introduced herself.

There was no chemistry and they didn't ever have another conversation.

But from that day on he referred to that parking place as his "parking meet her."

Roger didn't have many friends.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Lights

Within you is the light of a thousand suns.
~ Robert Adams
- - - - -

I like these medallions things. They are on light poles. They are history and cool looking and each individual in its own way. 

I would really, really like to collect them. I don't know - I just would like to collect them.

I won't, though. I don't know where I'd keep all those light poles.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Terrible

Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.
~ Ranier Maria Rilke
- - - - -

What is so terrible that could have happened to a towel?

(pause)

Never mind. Towels could potentially have been through some pretty terrible stuff. 

Like the ringer.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Food

A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out as good for nothing.
~ Samuel Johnson
- - - - -

I like to find quotes that go with photos that go with stories. 

Sometimes I don't have a photo to match the story or the quote.

This is one of those times. Here is the story:

I was typing to my friend and she said her daughter is full of "piss and vinegar" and she thinks her daughter gets it from her grandmother.

I said, "I heard piss and vinegar skips a generation."

Now that I am typing it here, I realized that if it was my friend's grandmother, then it would actually have had to have skipped TWO generations. That makes my funny point slightly less funny. Or somewhat more pathetically funny. 

Anyway...

The response I got was, "I do have a sister who is ornery."

I went to write, "Maybe she is half full of piss OR vinegar." 

I then accidentally started to type "pus and vinegar."

Now I feel yucky.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Looking

There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something.
~ J. R. R. Tolkein
- - - - -

If you look up you can see the clouds and the sky. You can see the upper part of buildings. You can see people taller than you are - well, the top parts of them. I guess you can see the lower parts of them if you look down.

If you live in the upstairs part of this building you can see a lot of things, too. Like the ground. You can also see people who are below your window. You can also see - wait. You shouldn't look down on people. Not even if you live in that sweet upstairs apartment.

Why are you so snotty?

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Cookies

I am sorry; I cannot help you. I am only a cookie.
~ Fortune Cookie
- - - - -

They should be called "Bakies."