Life

Photo by Kirk Boettcher

I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. 

~ Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off

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I hope that as he gets older, Kirk does not decide to restore a 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California Spyder. (pause) Or if he does, I hope he doesn't have an elevated garage with glass walls where he keeps it. (pause) Or if he does, I hope he lets Zak help him so he and Zak can build a relationship around the car restoration instead of Kirk choosing to restore the car over his relationship with Zak. (pause)

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Kirk isn't ever going to restore a car. (pause)

I hope that, as he gets older, Kirk does not decide to restore a life-sized wax statue of Amy Sedaris. (pause)

Or if he does, I hope I never see it.

 

Lily

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

~ Steven Wright

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Leslie: She doesn't know it's her birthday.

Me: No. But she knows it's a good day.
 

Wrong

People say that you're going the wrong way when it's simply a way of your own.

~ Angelina Jolie

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People aren't the boss of you. Unless they're your boss. But if they are bossing you, you should quit that job. And if you can't, you should keep good notes in case there's a lawsuit later on. 

We'll see who's wrong then, won't we, Boss?!

 

Shotgun

Wyatt and Morgan Earp were in the service of The Express Company. They went often as guards - "riding shotgun" it was called - when the stage bore unusual treasure.

~ Alfred Henry Lewis, 1905

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What an irony when that "unusual treasure" was simply peace on earth.

Unlimited

People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don't know. I'm never there.

~ Dolly Parton

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Maybe we should put some limits on hairstyles.

 

Blur

What True Blood does really well is that it balances on the line between good and evil - you blur the distinction between the two.

~ Robert Kazinsky

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You know what else blurs that distinction? Toddlers. But I don't think you should let them watch True Blood. Why would you think that is okay? What. Is. WRONG. With YOU?!

Toilet

The internet is a toilet. It is.

~ Lady Gaga

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 A good thing to do on your anniversary is clean the toilets. It's something your person will appreciate and it's also symbolic of you trying to clean up all the stupid crap you've done in the past year.

Wishes

Formerly, when I would feel a desire to understand someone, or myself, I would take into consideration, not actions, in which everything is relative, but wishes. Tell me what you want, and I'll tell you who you are.

~ Anton Chekov

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We were at a barbeque restaurant recently, and Leslie saw this sign. She said, "I wonder who Mrs. Mauldin is." I wish she would just eat her dinner.

Antiques

In quoting others, we cite ourselves.

~ Julio Cortazar

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I imagine even if you piece out an old friend for parts it isn't going to be as valuable as a Pinner Qing Dynasty vase.

Appearance

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

~ Confucius

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Overheard at the dog park: "The shave poodles into so many different concoctions!"

That they do, Evelyn. That. They Do.
 

Nunny

You know how Sister Berthe always makes me kiss the floor when we've had a disagreement? Well, lately, I've taken to kissing the floor whenever I see her coming, just to save time.

~ Maria, The Sound of Music

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Once upon a time in a small village far away, there were two very kind and very old nuns. The very kind and very old nuns got together to play drums. While they were very kind and very old, they were also very horrible - at drumming. One spring people in their village decided to have a talent show, and the nuns went up to the coordinator of the talent show and said, "We'd like to play our drums together in the talent show." The talent show coordinator was stuck -- he could let them play, and they would ruin the talent show, or he could say no and make two very kind and very old nuns very sad. 

This is where the term conundrum originated.

Pizza

I'd rather have leftover pizza than leftover feelings.

~ Sara Burgess

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I think the reason so many people like pizza is because it's really good.

Green

O beware, my lord, of jealousy;

It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.

~ William Shakespeare

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 Lily is a patient dog. 

Great

 Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies.

~ Demetri Martin

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What if you could "halve" a great day? You could experience some of it now and save some for later. But then what if you get hit by a bus and killed. You wasted half of a great day. OR if you got hit by a bus and just hurt a lot you could use the second half of your great day.

Life is full of really challenging conundrums.

Scarecrows

Life is populated with scarecrows -- all those people and things that seem so scary and trouble our sleep. Isn't it nice to know that most of them turn out to be made of nothing but straw!

~ Jerry Spinelli

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It's good there is a fire hydrant around this event. If you've seen The Wizard of Oz, you know that scarecrows are very flammable. 

If you haven't seen The Wizard of Oz, that's weird.

Beer

Humankind was built on beer.

~ William Bostwick

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Beer is not a very stable foundation.
 

Moss

Trees down south have a difference to them, a subtle, slinking movement, mile by mile - a gracefulness, a swagger. Lanky trees stretching out their wiry thin, Spanish moss-covered branches, moss that sways and beckons... come here, come here, it says.

~ Suzanne Palmieri

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I hope that Keith Richards has an interest in bryology or lichenology and a collection of mosses in his home.

Faith

Faith is like radar that sees through the fog -- the reality of things at a distance that the human eye cannot see.

~ Carrie Ten Boom

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Things at a distance the human eye CAN see are sometimes mirages. But those aren't real. So sometimes things the human eye can't see ARE real. Like bacteria or the wind or ghosts like the ones in this graveyard. 

 

Listening

An appreciative listener is always stimulating.

~ Agatha Christie

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I recently heard that at one time, Audible was the largest employer of actors in the New York area. I have heard some very good performers on Audible. I have heard a few that were not so good, but mostly good. I didn't think of it as acting when I first heard the readers on Audible, but I do think of it that way now. They run the dialogue and pace of the story and all that. I still get to run the projector on those stories, though.

I'm very good at the cinematography of the stories in my mind.

Curious

My work is best done with a low profile, you see, so my office is a bit out of the way. I have the run of the place after hours. But that isn't so bad for those of us who are curious for a living.

~ Kelly Barnhill

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Being curious for a living is a pretty good job. You get to do that if you are a teacher or researcher or develop new products for 3M or are a librarian wondering what the hell those kids are up to.

Work.

Light tomorrow with today. 

~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

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This is a photo I took of the place where I work. My office is there on the second floor on the left. It's the one without the window.

Shrimp

While drawing, I discover what I really want to say.

~ Dario Fo

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The person who drew this really wanted to say, "Shrimp."

Art

If you think the United States has stood still, who do you think build the largest shopping center in the world, the Lloyd Shopping Center right here?

~ Richard M. Nixon, 1960

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Sometimes I think about all the things I bought in life that I never really used and certainly didn't need. I think about how much I would have if I could get all that money back. Then I realize I would just have spent it all on other crap instead of the crap I bought in the first place. 

So, instead of living in the past, I try just not to buy as much crap now. Most of the time I take photos of it instead.

Scared

"Oh, monsters are scared," said Lettie. "That's why they're monsters."

~ Neil Gaiman

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I took this photo on a trip to a cabin a few months ago. We enjoyed our time even though a realtor came to show the cabin while we were there, you had to take the kayak down a slope that was very steep, and the power went out. Lily even got a little scared when the power went out.

(pause)

We probably aren't going back to that place again.

Stuff

Too much of anything is the beginning of a mess.

~ Dorothy Draper

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You never know what you might find in the middle of a mess. Could be old photos or old shoes or brand new shoes you forgot you had. It's a messtery. 

Ways

You may not find a path, but you will find a way.

~ Tom Wolfe

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They say if you don't find a path, create your own. And then they get mad when you cut down all the trees in their yard to create a shortcut. I wish they would make up their minds.
 

Rainbow

When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars.

~ Oscar Wilde

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And early that afternoon, at the end of the rainbow, they found Skateland USA. It was a pleasant surprise, but a surprise nonetheless. They each tied up their skates and made a few passes around the roller skating rink. When they went outside to leave, it was dark, and the rainbow had gone. They thought two things. One: "The rainbow is gone, but we will always carry it in our hearts." And two: "How long were we in there?!"

Seeing

I don't see coincidence. I see providence.

~ Morpheus

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I've never been to Rhode Island.

 

Gift

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.

~ Winston Churchill

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What if we are all "God's Gift" to each other? I've heard that used derogatorily -- someone thinking they are "God's Gift" to baseball or physics or whatever. But what if it's true that we are each a gift to one another.

I think that is true. And I think it's okay to like some gifts more than others.

Also, I haven't really ever heard someone called "God's Gift to physics '.
 

Learning

The mind, once enlightened, cannot again become dark.

~ Thomas Paine

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My brother is actually a very good reader of children's books. My nephew is a pretty good listener to children's books. Also, why are those books just for children? 

Children are so selfish.
 

Achievement

 I'm sorry -- I'm so sorry that my whole life goal wasn't to, like, achieve stuff or something!

~ Julia Devereaux on Lucky Hank

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It's nice to get recognized for things - to get certificates or awards or trophies. Ultimately, however, it is each of us individually who knows what we really achieve. That's why I make myself my own certificates to hang up. I have so, so many of them. I'm a high achiever.