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Thursday, June 30, 2016


It isn't what they say about you. It's what they whisper.
~ Errol Flynn
- - - - -
Dottie: Just ignore Felicia, Rhoda. She thinks she better than everyone else.

Rhoda: But why, Dottie? Why does she think she's so great?

Dottie: Because she doesn't have just a plain fabric head.

Rhoda: So she's hard-headed?

Dottie: Yes. Exactly.

Rhoda: But why is that good?

Dottie: It's not, Rhoda. She just think it's make her better. It doesn't. It just makes her different.

Rhoda: Like a baby chick with a broken wing?

Dottie: Exactly.

Rhoda: And don't the other baby chicks peck the one with the weird wing to death?

Dottie: Um...

Rhoda: So shouldn't we --

Dottie: Rhoda, stop. 

Rhoda: I mean, if she's --

Dottie: Rhoda, I said stop. She's different, but she's still like us, too.

Rhoda: I don't see how. She doesn't have on blue. She doesn't have yarn hair.

Dottie: But she has fabric arms.

Rhoda: Is one of them broken?

Dottie: Rhoda - you have to stop that.

Rhoda: Okay. I will.

Dottie: Good.

Rhoda: Until she falls asleep.

Dottie dropped the conversation at that point because Felicia's eyes were painted on. 

So, I was going to finish this by saying, "But Dottie vowed then and there NEVER to introduce Rhoda to _______" and I was going to fill in the blank with the name of a doll with closing eyes, but I couldn't think of one and then I went to look it up and I found a listing on eBay for "doll eyes" and I thought about a pile of doll eyes and I got freaked out.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016


Fog and smog should not be confused and are easily separated by color.
~ Chuck Jones
- - - - -

You know that song  about the colors of the wind? I like it. I think the title is "Colors of the Wind." Anyway, I think the music is pretty. I like the way that the singers who sang it (Judy Kuhn and also Vanessa Williams) sang it. While I think there may be some issues with the storyline of the film (some major issues), it is a pretty song.

I think a less good song would be "Colors of the Breaking Wind." And also those colors wouldn't be very pretty. Mostly browns and ugly shades of green and grey and off-yellow.

Monday, June 27, 2016


Every artist dips his brush into his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.
~ Henry Ward Beecher
- - - - -

I believe this.

I believe it is true of anything we do or create - art, research, stories, music, children, pets, interior decorating. Whatever we help to create, we put ourselves into that - our biases and beliefs, our joys and sorrows, our truths - explicit or hidden.

I also prefer the idea of dipping the brush into the soul rather than the heart. An artist who dips his brush into his heart is going to have some sort of myocardial infarction.

Sunday, June 26, 2016


There is a lot of food culture that goes on in the home and in the community in non-traditional ways. Food is a lot more than restaurants.
~ Eddie Huang
- - - - -

The other night I found the image above and the following as a draft in my blog posts:

"Be untraditional in what you give in an Easter basket.

Also if you don't have an actual "Easter basket" it is fine to use a stock pot instead."

I'm guessing I wrote it since the above is what I gave Leslie in her Easter stock pot this year, but who knows? I could have written it for any number of reasons.

Saturday, June 25, 2016


In America we eat, collectively, with a glum urge for food to fill us.  We are ignorant of flavour.  We are, as a nation, flavor-blind.
~ M.F.K. Fisher
- - - - -

Crab apples are the only apples native to the United States.  Given the tone of what I read on Facebook a lot of days, that seems about right.

Also, I guess in the United States we ought to tell someone, "You are the crab apple of my eye."

Also, crab apples and cranberries aren't the same thing.

You're welcome.

Friday, June 24, 2016


Commas, like nuns, often travel in pairs.
~ Mary Norris
- - - - -

Some letters are scarier in pairs. E is one of those letters. Want proof?  Here you go:







yes, really on that last one. look it up if you don't believe me.

Also, what if someone decided he wanted to collect all the purebred dogs in the world and keep them only for himself. You know what that would be? Do you?  Huh?

It would be "pediGREED."

Wednesday, June 22, 2016


My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, 
but then I realized I had no character.
~ Charles Barkley
- - - - - 

I know I have the same initials as "Major League Baseball."  What I didn't realize until recently is that my friend Ann has the same initials as "America's Got Talent!"

I'll let you decide which is the national pastime.

It's baseball.  Baseball is better.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016


Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night.
~ Philip K. Dick
- - - - -

Remember yesterday's post? If not - here is a recap:

A while ago Kristy posted photos of Bryan and the boys fishing. In one particularly great photo it shows one of the boys sitting in a camp chair looking out at the water. Across the way is a dock with two people on it. From the photo it looked like they were fighting. 

Kristy said they were fishing not fighting.

My response, Are you sure? They look like they might be fighting. Like everybody. Everybody was fighting. Everybody was Kung Fu fighting." 

And then I realized that the world would probably be a little more peaceful if instead everybody was Kung Fu fishing. 


Or maybe not. I'm not exactly sure what that would entail.

Okay, more than a recap - that is actually an exact repeat. Recap. Repeat. I didn't cap again. I peated again.

But here is my point. What if everyone was Kung Pao fighting? Would that be good because Kung Pao chicken is good? Would it be bad because it might be hot and people would get burned? Would it be good because - hey - FREE FOOD! or would it be bad because you would get the sauce on you and that might attract bees or fire ants and you could get stung?

The moral of the story is that I couldn't think of something new to post for today. Also the moral of the story is just because everyone else is Kung Fu fighting doesn't mean you have to do it to. Not while you're living under my roof, buddy!

Monday, June 20, 2016


I'm just sitting on the dock of the bay wasting time...
~ Otis Redding
- - - - -

A while ago Kristy posted photos of Bryan and the boys fishing. In one particularly great photo it shows one of the boys sitting in a camp chair looking out at the water. Across the way is a dock with two people on it. From the photo it looked like they were fighting. 

Kristy said they were fishing not fighting.

My response, Are you sure? They look like they might be fighting. Like everybody. Everybody was fighting. Everybody was Kung Fu fighting." 

And then I realized that the world would probably be a little more peaceful if instead everybody was Kung Fu fishing. 


Or maybe not. I'm not exactly sure what that would entail.

Sunday, June 19, 2016


For studying Zen, one should have quiet quarters. Be moderate in food and drink. Case aside all involvements and discontinue all affairs. Do not think of good or evil; do not deal with right or wrong. Do not intend to make yourself a Buddha, much less be attached to sitting still.
~ Dogen
- - - - -

I guess if you want to study Zen there are a lot of things you're going to have to do...

Cancel your magazen subscriptions.
Move to the country.
Eat and drink less.
Quit doing stuff.
Quit seeing people.
Quit thinking.
Don't judge.
Don't sit still.

I guess you have to stop doing.

Just be.

It's like the opposite of the Nike slogan.

Of course, I think it's even more powerful if you can pair "Just Be" with "Be Just."

We already have everything we need.

Except for Pop Tarts.  I think that even the Zennest among us can appreciate the occasional Pop Tart.  In moderation.

Saturday, June 18, 2016


Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.
~ Sir Winston Churchill
- - - - -

Um... you do get to the end of the journey.

Friday, June 17, 2016


I didn't wait for Luck. I tore after it with a truck.
~ A. A. Bell
- - - - -

This looks like a truck my Grandpa Boettcher used to have. For a while he kept it in the shed by the chicken coop. Then later it was in the shed by the pig pen. My grandparents lived on a farm - if you didn't catch that from the chicken coop and pig pen references.

I loved that truck - even though it was green and I don't always like the color green.

I learned to pretend drive in that truck. I also learned to pretend work on a farm in that truck. And to pretend my brother and cousin were evil villains trying to capture me while I hid in that truck.

Everyone should have a grandpa's truck in their childhood. And by childhood I mean time when they were a child, not a neighborhood of only children. If that were the case, then the truck should be a Ford and not a Chevrolet.  Why, you ask?

I'll give you a moment to figure it out on your own.



Sigh.  Okay, fine.  Because if it was a truck in a neighborhood of children it would probably end up being a Ford of the Flies.


Get back to work.

Thursday, June 16, 2016


I believe that if we really want human brotherhood to spread and increase until it makes life safe and sane, we must also  be certain that there is no one true faith or path by which it may spread.
~ Adlai Stevenson, Jr.
- - - - -
Is it weird that we have manure spreaders and cheese spreaders but no human brotherhood spreaders? Wait, I am mistaken. PEOPLE are brotherhood (and sisterhood and humanhood) spreaders. People are also manure and cheese spreaders.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016


I just need somewhere to dump all my negativity.
~ Van Morrison
- - - - -

I like Van Morrison a lot.  There was a time when I was pretty sad.  So sad I couldn't listen to music for a while.  And I really like music.  Well, I think it was Kirk who sent me a Van Morrison CD.  Which seems odd now that I think about it.

Anyway, I listened to it.  A lot.  And then I got another Van Morrison CD.  I listened to it a lot, as well.

Eventually I could listen to music again.

I guess I'm sort of dumping this here. I don't know that it is negative. I think it is hopeful. See? When bad things happen then they get less bad and then good things happen. 

I guess I'm not dumping at all when you look at it that way. I tend to dump all my negativity into my sarcasm. And a chasm of any kind is not a bad place to dump stuff. Well, other than toxic stuff that will destroy the earth.

And my negativity isn't really THAT bad.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016


If I was to put a little flag everywhere I've been in the world, there'd be a lot of little flags.
~ Charles Dance
- - - - -

Did you realize that the words "barn" and "flag" both have four letters and both have only one vowel and in both cases that one vowel is the letter "a"? And did you think that was just a coincidence? Because I'm pretty sure it is.

Monday, June 13, 2016


The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.
~ Buddha
- - - - -

But is that also the greatest strength? What if the greatest strength is seeing through things with x-ray vision? Does that mean Superman is greater than Buddha? Would he win in a fight with Buddha? Would Buddha even worry about "winning"?

And what if these glasses we saw on a beach in South Carolina are Clark Kent's glasses? In that case can not everyone see through him and realize he is Superman? And if that takes away some of his power then maybe Buddha was right after all.

Take that, Superman.

Sunday, June 12, 2016


Don't become a puppet to other people's desires. Live and create your life as you intend it to be.
~ Steven Redhead
- - - - -

Why are puppets less scary than dolls? Because puppets are operated by people. The human puppeteer controls the puppets mouth, what the puppet is saying. She also controls the ways the puppet moves - arms, head, body.

When dolls move, they're just doing that stuff on their own. 

And that is terrifying.

Saturday, June 11, 2016


Listen: our culture is saturated with irony 
whether we know it or not.
~ Barbara Kruger
- - - - -

If flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp. Then blue flamingos must eat blue crabs. Or maybe blue flamingos do not actually exist and seeing blue plastic flamingos is simply meant to be ironic.

In truth, isn't seeing ANY plastic flamingo ironic?

Friday, June 10, 2016


Personally I am stuck with one foot in the past and one in the present.
~ Anthony Kiedis
- - - - -

I think maybe a human foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Thursday, June 9, 2016


If you do what you love, it is the best way to relax.
~ Christian Louboutin
- - - - -

I very much enjoy relaxing, but the truth is I like laxing the first time around, too.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.
~ Dejan Stojanovic
- - - - -

On a recent road trip Leslie and I were talking about landscapes and roads and driving and traveling. We were somewhere in the mountains of North Carolina or maybe Tennessee. She said that she always felt more comfortable with mountains on the horizon - maybe even better if she was actually in the mountains. 

I am not like that. I prefer the plains. I like open landscapes disrupted only by occasional trees or houses or silos or windmills or cemeteries. The evenness of a field of corn or soybeans is what I grew up with. I like being able to see the next town or see when someone is approaching you.

I know that is terribly boring to some people. I do like changes of scenery, but I do like levelness, as well. There is a sense of calm and awareness that gets disrupted when you throw in mountains or skyscrapers or giant robots fighting enormous dragons. 

Tuesday, June 7, 2016


In life, as in art, the beautiful moves in curves.
~ Edward G. Buller-Lytton
- - - - -

Some people need a lot of structure. A LOT of structure. They use checklists and planners and accountability partners. If they teach, they plan class down to the minute. If they parent, they use their calendars and fill their calendars and live their lives by their calendars. They have short term goals and mid term goals and long term goals and lifetime goals.

I'm not really like that.

I like to leave room for the spontaneous. I like for there to be pauses and gaps so that creativity and innovation can claim them rather than regulation already dictating how those moments will be used.

I like more motion and curve in my day - round edges rather than blocks and boxes.

"Is it because you often just leave things to the last minute?" you might ask. "Is it because you are so disorganized you rarely know what you are doing?" you might ask. "Is it because you are totally winging it and just making crap up as you go?" you might ask.

"Don't you have a calendar and timeline and schedule you need to be attending to instead of asking me a bunch of questions?" I might respond.

Monday, June 6, 2016


Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
~ Arthur Ashe
- - - - -

"What good is a broken spade?" you ask. Like all of us, when broken we find new ways of being, new tasks to accomplish, and new purposes in life.

Even if it's more than we can handle.

Get it? There is no handle on the spade on the right? Get it now?

Anyway, it's good to be adaptable. I hope you find this very motivating and that it changes your life for the better and you give me some money for the way that I helped you with that.

Sunday, June 5, 2016


I have a need to do something and know I can be successful.
~ Tiki Barber
- - - - -

Here's something I bet you had not considered: If Tiki Barber ever went to prison, when he got out he'd be "ex-con Tiki." 


I was right, wasn't I?

Saturday, June 4, 2016


Our way is not soft grass, it's a mountain path with lots of rocks. But it goes upward, forward, toward the sun.
~ Ruth Westheimer
- - - - -

Knowing Dr. Ruth, I wonder if by "our way" she meant "penises." If so, I don't like this quote. 

Friday, June 3, 2016


While living in America when I attended Harvard in the 1970s, I saw for myself the awesome, almost miraculous power of a people to change policy through democratic means.
~ Benazir Bhutto
- - - - -

There is no "i" in awesome, but there should be. There also is not a "u" so I guess that makes us even.* 

Also, I know there is a "u" in Trump. There is not an "i" or a "me" in that word. There is an "um" and also a "rump." I imagine those things are significant and funny and ironic.

* Yes, I know there is a "me" but by not mentioning that it makes this post funny and ironic.

Thursday, June 2, 2016


For success, attitude is equally as important as ability. 
~ Walter Scott
- - - - -

I think it is hard to know if another person has a "good" attitude or a "bad" attitude. You don't know them. You don't know what they've been through. Maybe what looks like a bad attitude is really a great attitude given the obstacles someone has overcome. And maybe a good attitude is actually lacking given someone's advantages.

I guess you never know for sure.

But "sucky" attitudes? Well, those are blatantly obvious. And for those of you with 'em - knock it off.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016


Absurdity and anti-absurdity are the two poles of creative energy.
~ Karl Lagerfeld
- - - - -

This statue reminds me of me. Two sides of one being. Positive and negative. Serious and funny. Reflective and active. Peaceful and troubled.

And also I like to sit on patio tables. 


And also I don't.