Work

The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.

~ Jonas Salk

- - - - -

I get a lot of random catalogs. I understand how some of them found me, but others... well, I have no clue why I get them. Anyway, I currently get a catalog that is toys almost entirely for children between 6-11 years old. I know some children those ages, so it's fine. However, why does a company exist that only makes toys for kids those specific ages?

That's not the point of this post, though. The point of this post is that one of the items in this catalog is a "Responsibility Chart." 

(pause)

No child wants that. 

Well, maybe there are a few children out there who would want it. They are also the children who need more toys than all the other kids because none of the other kids want to play with that child.

(pause)

I just thought of a new product. It's called an "Irresponsibility Chart." As a parent, THOSE are the memories you want to keep track of because they become awesome stories. I mean, do you want to talk with people at Endora's graduation party about how she always put away her clothes and how many times she emptied the dishwasher OR about she gave her cousin a bunch of medicine she found in the bathroom or the time that she mailed out invites to her birthday sleepover without checking with you? And also it wasn't her birthday.

Do you want to raise someone who values work more than adventures? I'm not the boss of you, but no. No you don't want to raise someone who values work more than adventures. Look what that's gotten us.

All that to say, I DID order the responsibility chart -- for Leslie. There's really a lot more she should be doing around here. I mean, someone has to, and I'm going to start going and doing that adventure stuff, so I don't have time.

Thanksgiving

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, "Man, just be yourself." 

~ Mitch Hedberg

- - - - -

I believe that if you are followed by a turkey at any point in your life it means a lifetime of health, happiness, and wealth. I believe that because I was followed by a turkey one time, and I really want that to be true.

Traveling

To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.

~ Mary Oliver

- - - - -

Lily is so mellow. She is a great traveler. She is always ready to go even though she hardly ever knows where we are going. I do think she understands the word "school" and knows when she is going there. Other than that, every time she jumps in the car it is literally a leap of faith.

She is awesome. I would do better to try and be more like her.

Also, I know it looks like the car behind us is tailgating and way too close. However, we weren't moving at the time because there was a long line to get into the parking lot at the top of the mountain. I appreciate your concern, but don't get angry with the people behind us. At least not for tailgating. I don't know the rest of their lives. They may warrant your anger. It's your call if you want to hang on to that anger or not (though I've heard it is a bad idea to do that). I'm not the boss of you.

Cooking

Yes, I know the Muffin Man

Who Lives on Drury Lane

~ Nursery Rhyme

- - - - -

So, I have read that the Muffin Man was Frederic Thomas Linwood who was a serial killer who lured children into dark alleys with a muffin tied on a string.

I have also read that this is NOT what the Muffin Man is based on.

A question I have is, "Isn't a muffin on a string seems like a weird ploy?"

A question you have is, "Why is she reading all this stuff?"

A question we all have is, "Why does my brother have a book just called ladies?"

Disturbances

I just don't like my world disturbed without some warning.

~ Harper Lee

- - - - -

We have had some horrific weather this fall. I have been very lucky not to have been as horrifically impacted as others. If you aren't in the region you don't understand what happened. And for those of us outside of the areas most devastated, we don't understand how bad what happened was. 

And I know that one of my coping mechanisms is humor. And I try to know when to joke about a thing and when not to joke about a thing.  And I know that the universe has a sense of humor. It doesn't always choose to wait to joke about a thing. But then, it's the universe. It gets to (and always does) do what it wants to when it feels like doing it.

With that in mind, the universe decided to follow up Helene with two other disturbances. My personal disturbances.

Very funny, Universe.

 

Appearances

He was not what he seemed. Who is?

~ Zadie Smith

- - - - -

I think that sometimes two people can be looking in the same direction but one is looking at the past and the other is looking at the future. It's kind of beautiful.

And annoying because we are NEVER going to finish this game of Monopoly if they keep this up.

 

Rearview

To develop foresight you need to practice hindsight.

~ Jane McGonigal

- - - - -

When people let you down or dump things on you and make you angry, don't get angry. Just keep moving forward. One day, it will all be in your rearview mirror. THAT is when you seek revenge because it will be harder to connect you to the crime since all that time has passed.

Bread

How can a nation be great if its bread tastes like Kleenex?

~ Julia Child

- - - - -

Like the old marketing saying goes:

Clowns don't sell bread

They sell dread

No clowns on boxes, packages, or bags

Or anything else because clowns are awful!

Gardens

Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. 

I will meet you there.

~ Rumi

- - - - -

I wouldn't mind meeting someone in a garden. As long as it's not my dad because I know he's just going to try and pay me 60 cents an hour to pull weeds. And then, when I try to get fired by "accidentally" pulling up a carrot or potato plant or two, I won't get fired, I'll just get my pay docked. 

I think that is wrong. My dad thought that it was right. The garden wasn't quite beyond right and wrong because he was the boss of me.

Weird

The thing that convinced me to come to Clemson was the faculty. I thought they were going to be stuffy intellectuals, but they're not.

~ Rylee Bowman

- - - - -

What I think Rylee meant is that we, as a group, are not both stuffy and intellectuals. For example, I am not stuffy, but I am an intellectual. She probably also meant that we can be a it off-beat or unusual. Because who wants to be usual?

Anyway, that's what I think she was saying about ME. My colleagues on the other hand... Well, I don't know what Rylee was saying about them.

Spoiler: I do (and while it's pretty funny, it's not nice, so I won't repeat it here. I have to do what I can to protect Rylee.).

Dead

Our dead are never dead until we have forgotten them.

~ George Eliot

- - - - -

If you ran a business and were the boss of a bunch of medical examiners, I bet you would have the "coroner office" on the floor where you worked. But I'd avoid that career. It's a dead end job. This blog is pretty funny, it kills me. If you're imagining me saying all of these lines know that I'm doing it dead pan. 

Friendship

What kind of friend do you need me to be?

~ Jessica Aden

- - - - -

My friend Jessica taught me how important it is to ask people what they need when they are talking to you. Do they need you to be silent and listen? Do they need you to wallow in whatever struggle they are facing? Do they need you to affirm some injustice you are experiencing? Do they need you to discuss options for moving forward? Or maybe they need you to tell them it's going to be okay and you should quit whining and deal with it.

I am someone who usually tries to fix things, but Jessica taught me that isn't always what is best. So now, instead of starting by suggesting solutions, I start by telling the person talking to me to quit whining. 

Thanks for all those options, Jessica.

 

Sitting

Let's just sit quietly and listen to the secrets the rain wants to tell us.

~ John Mark Green

- - - - -

Sometimes you just have to put on your yellow galoshes and your rubber duck head mask and go sit on a dock. I'm not exactly sure when those times are, but sometimes.

Tuba

I played the tuba in high school. I wanted to be a member of the marching band. I thought, what can I play that has the most effect? What can I play to get people to laugh?

~ Patti LuPone

- - - - -

I think people who play the tuba have a deep connection to that instrument. I had a student in class who played the tuba. We were doing an activity with stickers in class. She asked if I had a tuba sticker. I didn't. But the next week I did. Because that's the kind of teacher I am.

Also, I now have some extra tuba stickers if you need one.

Cyclones

I didn't get into this profession to be somebody. I got in this profession to do something.

~ Matt Campbell

- - - - - 

I watch more football now than I ever have. Every Saturday - when I can - I watch both the Iowa State and the Army games. Sometimes they are on at the same time, but that's okay. 

Iowa State is having a very good year this year. So is Army, for that matter. My team lost last week, but they are still my team. I don't get mad at them when they lose.

I do get really, really mad at the other team when that happens, though. 

Trying

I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again.

~ Georgia O'Keefe

- - - - -

All summer.

All fall.

This quote really was a bit of gut punch for me when I first read it a few weeks ago. I can relate to it. 

As the days get shorter, maybe it is easier or maybe it is more difficult to be ourselves. Or maybe we don't really care because whatever we are doing, we are doing it in the dark.

Or maybe we don't really care because we have a wonderful dog in our world.

(pause)

I think that dog part is the most right.

 

Move

Your phone's predictive text and autocorrect Markov chains update themselves as you type, training themselves on what you write. That's why, if you make a typo, it may haunt you for quite some time." 

~ Janelle Shane

- - - - -

On November 6th, 2024 (yesterday), I was searching the internet to find out if I could move a photo I had downloaded from my phone to my computer back to my phone. I figured the robots could help me with this question.

Me: (typing) Can I move

Predictive Text: to Canada

(pause)

Typos are not the only things that may haunt us for quite some time.

Punctuation

Whatever you know, or that you don't know, tell me about it. We can exchange tirades. The comma is my favorite piece of punctuation, and I've got all night,

~ Rasmenia Massoud

- - - - -

 The other day I was emailing a colleague who - fortunately - is also a friend. I closed my message with "Does that make sense!" I immediately realized what I had done and wrote back and said, "That was supposed to say, 'Does that make sense?'" not "sense!" 

I wasn't yelling at her. She thought it was funny - which is good.

(pause)

Otherwise, I probably would have had to yell at her.

People

If enough people stand behind you, you can start to believe almost anything that comes out of your mouth.

~ Fredrik Backman

- - - - - 

And, sadly, most everyone can find enough people to stand behind them. Or at least enough people who won't stop them.

As for me, I don't like it when people get in my way. Know what I hate even more? When they walk too close behind me. I don't like that one bit.

Hello

Hello?

HELLO?