Half

When my mother had to get dinner for eight, she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

~ Gracie Allen

- - - - -

Why don't they call this product "whole"? Half and half make whole. No wonder kids can't do math. They go and drink all that half and half and then don't know fractions.

Ride

If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it.

~ Toni Morrison

- - - - -

I saw this at an amusement park. I thought, "A shoe ride isn't really all that fun." But maybe this park isn't an amusement park. Or maybe it's an amusement park for your mind. You get on the shoe ride and just sit there. Then you wonder about the nature of "rides" in general. 

Maybe this was a confusement park.

Crafts

I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd get your supplies, and then you'd use your imagination.

~ Amy Sedaris

- - - - -

I saw this a while ago at an antique / repurposing store. I just realized it looks like Amy Sedaris. I kind of wish I had bought it for her and sent it to her. But then I realized I don't have her address. And postage would probably be a lot because I vaguely remember it was pretty big. And who knows? Maybe she made it and then got rid of it. And when you get rid of something, you don't always want it back. 

Sometimes you do want things you got rid of back. Like all the money I spent on other things to send to Amy Sedaris. 

Liquid

If architecture is frozen music, then music must be liquid architecture.

~ Quincy Jones

- - - - - 

I really wish I had the job of making signs for museums or tourist places or history displays. Of course, I could not possibly top this sign. Brilliant. Simple. Honest. Beautiful. Succinct. Accurate. 

Good job sign writer person. 

Golf

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

- - - - -

If this is Plan B, what was Plan A?

Bearing

We are born believers. A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

But not every tree bears apples. Some bear oranges. Some bear acorns. Some bear bears. Well, for periods of time, anyway. 

I guess similarly, not all beliefs people bear are the same. Like the belief that bears can't climb trees.

Zebra

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray?

~ Demetri Martin

- - - - -

I wonder if zebras think of themselves as the tigers of the horse family.

(pause)

Probably not.

All

The whole world is you.  

Yet you keep thinking there is something else.

~ Hsueh-Feng

- - - - -

I actually believe this. I just don't understand why other people don't realize that the whole world is ME. 

Sigh.

BBQ

Barbecue may not be the road to world peace, but it's a start.

~ Anthony Bourdain

- - - - -

Leslie:  Why are you staring at me?

Me:  Because you're so pretty.

Leslie: I probably have barbecue sauce all over my face.

Me:  You do.  You look delicious.

In and of itself this is a pretty innocuous conversation.  But what if we examine it through the lens of film?  What if we add to the dynamic the fact that one of my favorite movies is "Silence of the Lambs?"  Then this isn't innocuous at all. Instead it becomes very, very disinnocuous. 

Beaver

That was bad grammar of course, but that is how beavers talk when they're excited; I mean in Narnia -- in our world they don't usually talk at all.

~ C. S. Lewis

- - - - -

Would I be angry if a beaver did this at my house? If a beaver ate through a tree and the tree fell on my roof? Yes.

What a stupid question.

Stuff

The things you own end up owning you.

~ Chuck Palahniuk

- - - - -

I don't think it's ever a good idea to buy a couch for $1.

Wild One

Proximity and closeness are not the same.

~ Thi Bui

- - - - -

Sometimes you might wonder if little children have boundaries. Other times you might wonder about their depth perception. Still other times you might think they don't have an understanding of personal space. You might need them to get away from you.

Why? Don't you like kids?

Stove

Hey good lookin'

Whatcha got cookin'?

How's about cookin' something up with me?
~ Hank Williams

- - - - - -

Leslie always sings this to me when she wants me to help her make dinner. We laugh and laugh. Mainly because we know I'm not going to help at all.

Wait. Not Leslie.

Hank Williams always sings that to me when he wants me to help him make dinner.

Also, if you have to have a ghost in your house, you could do worse than Hank Williams. Like I imagine I wouldn't enjoy being haunted by Harvey Weinstein because that would be horrific. Especially since he's still alive.

Smiling

Lighten up, just enjoy life, smile more, laugh more, and don't get so worked up about things.

~ Kenneth Branagh

- - - - -

There is a kid who lives in Pennsylvania who doesn't like to eat things with faces.  I know this because her mother said so in Eat 'n Park when I was there.  The waitress brought the girl a smiley face cookie.  Her mom said, "She has a weird thing.  She doesn't like to eat things with faces."

A few moments later the waitress came back and said, "Here is a faceless cookie."

It creeped me out.  I don't know if they had the face removed from the cookie or produced a cookie without a face.  Regardless, it seems a little gross to intentionally omit a face from something that traditionally has a face - like the cookies at this restaurant.

Blessings

May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow,

And may trouble avoid you wherever you go.

~ Irish Blessing

- - - - -

If you're just sitting around and counting your blessings, you're missing out on the opportunity to go out and be a blessing to others, right? 

Also, Count Yourblessings would be a good nemesis for Count Dracula. Or Count Chocula. Depends on what kind of story you want to write.

Fools

A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees.

~ William Blake

- - - - -

Something I don't like is when people try to help me when I didn't ask for their help. Like when I'm putting furniture together or building a fire. And I like it exponentially less when the person "helping" me knows less about what I'm doing than I do. And I like it even less when the person doesn't know what they are doing at all.

Those people are helpfools. 

If you think about it, you probably know some of them too.

And if you don't know any of them, I can help you identify some because I know more about your life and the people you know than you do. I'm a doctor.

Also, some helpfools are doctors.

Experience

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson after.

~ Chinese Proverb

- - - - -

My first grade teacher's name was Mrs. Experience. She was indeed a very difficult teacher. When we went to the Colonial Bread Factory on our school fieldtrip, she ate her bread with butter, but we had to eat ours plain. 

Wait, no. That was Mrs. Martin. I never had a teacher named Mrs. Experience. I wish I would have had her, though. I bet she would have shared her butter.

(pause)

No. No, she'd probably have preferred marmalade. I bet she would have shared it though. And if she ate marmalade, maybe she would have been British. And then maybe I would have gone to elementary school in Great Britain. 

My life would be so different if I would have had Mrs. Experience as my teacher. I'd have a different accent at the very least.

On a side note... why is there a bellylaughing rabbit on this gravestone? It seems out of place with the angel statues.

Just as I was out of place with non-British elementary school classmates.

Places

You are where you need to be. Just take a deep breath.

~ Lana Parilla

- - - - - 

No one nose why they picked this name, but I am glad it is snot where I live.

Car

Be curious, not judgmental.

~ Walt Whitman

- - - - -
I saw this.  I'm not sure why it struck me.  I almost think it's the orange dust residue at the base of the fence.  It was a sunny day.  The leaves were changing.  

That car, though.  What's the deal with that car? Is the window broken? I don't think so because I think that carpet or blanket or whatever it is is rolled up IN the car window. What are they trying to protect on the seat from the sun?

Why didn't I go closer and get out and look?

Do they drive the car like that? Is it a homemade sunshade because someone who doesn't like sunlights rides in the passenger seat of that car? It is Dracula? Is it Dracula's chauffeur who put the carpet there? 

(pause)

I always thought if Dracula had a car it would be a different car than that. And I never pictured it with a piece of carpeting hanging off of it.

But maybe that clever Dracula realized I'd never suspect it and thus can get away with it and go undetected.

(pause)

No. I don't think that's it. I don't think Dracula ever thinks about me very much.

Barn

I roamed the countryside for answers to things I did not understand.

~ Leonardo daVinci

- - - - -

I love barns. You might know that by now if you've looked at much of my blog. I have a lot of barn pictures. You might also think that you know why I love barns. You might think it is because:

* They store things that feed us. 
* They store things to feed animals.
* They store animals.
* They are fun to hide in.
* They are sort of stoic members of the rural landscape.
* Sometimes they are quilted. 
* Sometimes they are not quilted.
* Sometimes they are falling down.
* Sometimes they are red.
* Sometimes you can see the sun through them.
* Sometimes they have tractors in them.

You want to know what I really think? 

(pause)

I think you spend too much time making lists of why you think I might like barns. Don't you have work to do?

X

Archaeology is the search for fact... not truth. If it's truth you're looking for, Dr. Tyree's philosophy class is right down the hall... So forget any ideas you've got about lost cities, exotic cities, and digging up the world. We do not follow maps to buried treasure, and X never, ever marks the spot. Seventy percent of all archaeology is done in the library. Research. Reading.

~ Jeffrey Boam (Indiana Jones)

- - - - -

I think X sometimes DOES mark the spot. A lot of times though it just marks the sign part of an X-Ray machine.

Words

Kind words do not cost much.

Yet they accomplish much.

~ Blaise Pascal

- - - - -

I like words a lot. Words are pretty much how I do my work and make a living. I saw these words at my work posted above the recycling containers. I like that. It's art and sustainability all at once.

There are times when I don't like words, though. Certainly not when they are used as weapons to hurt instead of as tools to heal.

But I also don't like words when I am reading a paper and I write something like, "This is great!" only for the writer to say, "Well, you edited that and added it in on the previous draft." I feel like a jerk when that happens. 

I feel only slightly more like a jerk when I said, "This part isn't necessary and doesn't make sense," and someone responds, "Okay. Well, you were the one who wrote it and added it in the last time."

Control

The intelligent want self-control. 

Children want candy.

~ Rumi

- - - - -

I heard this in a bathroom recently:

Mom: Mackenzie. Mackenzie! MACKENZIE!!! Come here. You have to go to the bathroom!

Mackenzie: No, I don't.

I don't know if Mackenzie had to go or not. I think it's interesting Mackenzie's mom knew more than Mackenzie about that. Maybe the mom had some sort of urine monitor hooked up to Mackenzie. I imagine that would be called a "Look 'N Pee" or a "Wee Wee Watcher" or a "Micturation Monitor."

And, yes, I just learned the word "micturation" as I was preparing this blog post.

Thanks, Mackenzie.

Sunset

When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.

~ George R. R. Martin

- - - - -

My favorite sunsets are the beautiful ones that I stumble upon or actually take the time to notice. 

Sometimes we find them when we're looking for them. Other times we find them just by coincidence.

Like great friends.

Or car keys.

Draw

Photography is an immediate reaction. Drawing is a meditation.

~ Henri Cartier-Bresson

- - - - -

I like to see people drawing. Like in art. I don't like to see people drawing guns. I don't mind seeing people draw gnus, though.

Camera

We are making photographs to understand what our lives mean to us.

~ Ralph Hattersley

- - - - -

Do you miss things when you take pictures instead of being in the moment?

Yes.

Do you capture things when you take photos instead of being in the moment?

Yes.

Is one better than the other?

Usually.

Which one?

I'm not telling. And if you can't tell, you may need to reassess your life. And your photography.

Driving

It's the way you ride the trail that counts.

~ Dale Evans

- - - - -

I like to drive. I think I might like to be an airport shuttle driver or a cab driver. The problem is that sometimes people and other drivers are rude. I wouldn't mind driving rude people around if I was able to speak my mind to them without getting fired. Like if I drove a discourtesy van or something like that.

Bridge

Sometimes you get the best light from burning a bridge.

~ Don Henley

- - - - - 

You know how they talk about "the rainbow bridge" that pets cross when they die? Well, this was the girder bridge that the dead bugs on my windshield crossed.

Carver

Woke up this morning with a terrific urge to lie in bed all day and read.

~ Raymond Carver

- - - - -

I have a feeling no matter how much training I get, how many books I read, or much practicing I do... I don't think I'll ever be a professional carver. I mean, who's going to pay me to do that?

Towns

The man who lives in a small community lives in a much larger world. 

He knows much more of the fierce variety and 

uncompromising divergences of men... 

In a large community, we can choose our companions.

 In a small community, our companions are chosen for us.

~ G. K. Chesterton

- - - - -

I think a good show would be to go to a small town in the midwest. In the town there is just a kind of cool vibe and a modern sense of awareness.

I would call the show "Modwesterners." I'm not sure which town should be the setting, though. Probably somewhere in Iowa, though. And instead of riding on scooters like the mods in Britain in the 50s and 60s, they'd ride tractors or pickup trucks. But not like in Footloose. Unlike Footloose, no tractors would be harmed in the making of "Modwesterners" because Modwesterners would never do that. 

Women

Any society that fails to harness the energy and creativity of its women is at a huge disadvantage in the modern world.
~ Tian Wei

- - - - -

Some of the most creative people I know are women. That's because I believe that all people are creative and some of the people I know are women.