Horrible

The secret to happiness is to face the fact that the world is horrible.

~ Bertrand Russell

- - - - -

Of the horrible things I have done in my life, I think this is the story of the most horrible thing. While I believe the list of horrible things is short, it is intense. This is a quite horrible thing.

I once ordered this "game" of eating yucky candy. I was trying to give us something to do during the pandemic. I thought that during a time of isolation when many people were sad and lonely that if Leslie an I played this it might be fun.

Somehow I accidentally ordered two of the games, so I sent one to Kirk so that Leslie and I could play it from a social distance with Kirk and Jared and Zak.

At first it was fun and Zak got some good flavored candy - like marshmallow. When that happened, he was happy. I liked that part.

I also liked the parts where his parents got yucky candy. That made me laugh. 

I didn't like the parts where I got yucky candy (spoiled milk, toothpaste, rotten egg). I also didn't like watching Zak take a candy... Hope it was a GOOD candy...

And then realize it was a gross candy and spit it out.

And start to cry a little bit. He had some juice so the bad taste went away and Kirk told him not to cry and he didn't.

But he ate a vomit-flavored candy. Afterward not only did we agree I was a horrible person for hosting this event, but we all agreed we were all really worried that one of us would get the vomit candy first. 

NOTE: Immediately after this, I ordered some good Jelly Belly jellybeans for Zak to make up for what happened. I like to think that he's forgotten all about the bad event, but in my heart I know that it will probably affect his ability to trust for the rest of his life.

But I will work with him on that and try to make sure that he trusts me and just remembers that his parents are the ones who played the game with him in person and let that happen to him.

The End.

Ezra

Mighty and small, I'll give my all!

~ Tuck, Paw Patrol

- - - - -

The other day we were on Zoom with Aurora and Ezra. We were telling jokes, they were showing us things. After a bit, David walked by and went outside.  We kept chatting for a bit or listening to kid chatter as one is bound to do eventually if connecting via Zoom or FaceTime with children.

Then Ezra walked away. Aurora keep talking. Ezra came back in a couple of minutes with a hat and sunglasses. He checked in on Zoom one more time and then walked away and headed outside.

I imagine he had places to go, people to see, and things to do. Either that or else he just wanted to see what David was doing - because who knows what that might be. 

I hope David was building a castle fort since I had said to Ezra, "Hey - why don't you go get a hat and your sunglasses and go help your dad with the castle fort he's building!"

I like to be a helper and to motivate kids to go and do fun things.

Reading

Beware of the person of one book.

~ Thomas Aquinas

- - - - -

These are pages from a Lemony Snicket book called Read Something Else. You should read it Also I don't think this is who it's supposed to be, but the profile in the image above reminds me of Leslie. She is well-read and she is less likely to be evil than most people I know. Including myself.

Values

I never want to get arrested, and I never want a DUI. Those are my moral values.

~ Taylor Swift

(photo by Jeff Hahn)

- - - - -

If those are Taylor Swift's only two moral values they kind of set the moral values bar pretty low.

Fuel

If you fuel your journey on the opinions of other, you're going to run out of gas.

~ Steve Maraboli

- - - - -

The only unsolicited opinions I want to hear are Leslie's. The rest of you can keep your ideas to yourselves. Well, maybe Kirk can share some feedback with me. The rest of you, I'll ask if I want to know what you think. 

And I'll try to reciprocate and keep my feedback to myself unless you ask for it. Which, you should probably ask for it. My feedback is really helpful.

Courtesy

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

~ Henny Youngman

- - - - -

I try to be courteous to other people. Even in my own home when it's just Leslie and me - which this summer was almost all the time. I text her sometimes when I hear her sneeze. I try to be courteous but I don't feel the need to run into the other room where she is working every time she sneezes to say "Bless you." Mainly because it's so loud in there when she does that.

Reaching

There is no better exercise for your heart than reaching down and helping to lift someone up.

~ Bernard Meltzer

- - - - -


But if you're reaching down to help someone who is already completely submerged in molten lava, what are you doing?!!!

Storytime

Ah, how good it is to be among people who are reading.

~ Ranier Maria Rilke

- - - - -

This is GoGo. She does story times for Ezra and Aurora and sometimes other friends. I do the filming. I'm actually pretty much the director, cinematographer, I buy some of the books. GoGo is the talent. 

Anyway, when she is done reading, I post the stories to her Facebook page so she can share them with David and Natalie and Aurora and Ezra can watch them. We both try to pay attention to detail so that the stories are good and fun and available. 

One time I almost posted the post below. Fortunately, I caught it and edited it before I posted it. Fortunately also I took a screenshot before I edited it so it could be a part of this post.

Names

Names are not always what they seem.

~ Mark Twain

- - - - -

You might think I hope that Stephen King marries Hong Kong Phooey so that Stephen's name is Stephen King Kong. I don't. First, his name would be Stephen King Phooey. Second, I don't think people should marry cartoon dogs. Third, I haven't seen it in a while, but I'd be anything that Hong Kong Phooey is a racist show.

Glass

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

~ European Proverb

- - - - -

People who live in fiberglass houses shouldn't touch the walls.

Arthropoda

It might not surprise you that scorpions and lobsters are in the same group. They are both part of the Phylum Arthropoda. What might surprise you is scorpions are even more closely related to spiders.

~ Chris Putnam

- - - - -

Actually, what REALLY surprised me was that when I saw my first scorpion ever at the end of June, how calm Leslie was when she flicked it away with a stick and then killed it. She really is like an action figure - "stick and giant, scary scorpion sold separately."

Words

A picture is worth a thousand words.

~ Fred R. Barnard

- - - - -

Now you see why I type my blog entries.

If you're a graphologist, you probably see a lot of other things, too. Keep them to yourself.

Numbers

A great leader will never sacrifice the people for the numbers.

~ Simon Sinek

- - - - -

I was in a webinar recently and the speaker said, "There are a number of problems with the quantitative approach."

I laughed out loud. I don't know if anyone else did or not because we were all muted. I am pretending we all laughed.

Fairness

I know that the world is unfair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

~ Bill Watterson

- - - - -

Me: It would make me really angry if I was getting robbed and the robber got raptured and I didn't.

Leslie: Why would that happen?

Me: Exactly! Why?!

Leslie: You made it up. It isn't even a real thing. You don't need to be angry about it.

Me: No, but you need to think about things.

Leslie: Okay. Well, I think NEITHER of you would get taken by the rapture.

Change

This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.

~ Taylor Swift

- - - - -

This was last year on Zak's first day of school. The day was over and it was time for him to go home. As I think about everything that has happened between now and then... As I think about preparing for a new year and a new kind of year... This photo makes me a little sad.

But I shouldn't be sad. I don't work at that school.

Effectiveness

The effectiveness of communication is not defined by the communication, but by the response.

~ Milton Erickson

- - - - -

From the "I thought this would make a great blog at one time, but now I have no idea what I was thinking" file:

"Those are bull penises. Don't let what they are throw you off. They're really effective."

Also, I need to come up with a shorter name for that file.

Exploring

Be an explorer who finds treasure beneath the strangeness.

~ Sarah Stup

- - - - -

Why did the explorers quit ploring?

Beer

God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.

~ Anne Sexton

- - - - -

I don't think about God's voice all that often. Although I do like it a lot when God says, "You're awesome, Michelle." Well, I like it except when it's in a really sarcastic tone. That's just annoying.

Change

Remember in the darkest moments, when the work doesn't seem worth it, and change seems just out of reach: out of our willingness to push through comes a tremendous power... Use it.

~ Stacey Abrams

- - - - -

I don't understand people who say that changing names of things or removing monuments erases history. What is covered in history books changes from one edition to the next. Who is covered in history depends on who is writing it.

And people don't even study history, so I don't know what they're complaining about. 

Well, I DO know what they're complaining about, but they don't like it when I point out their discomfort with getting rid of white supremacy. They're uncomfortable with talking about that part of history. 

So they erase it, I guess.

Change is hard. Especially in a pandemic when no one uses cash.

Preferences

As far as I'm concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue.

~ Albert Einstein

- - - - - 

I hear you saying, "I'd rather be excluded for who I include than included for who I exclude." I have two things to say to that.

1. I'm excluding you because you're a jerk not because of the people you include.
2. It should be WHOM not who.

Hot

A sweaty bum crack will become the norm in a climate changed world.

~ Steve Magee

- - - - -

We were without air conditioning for a few days this past summer. A few hot days. Of course, we might not have noticed the AC wasn't working if the days had not been hot. 

Like the saying goes, you don't notice something until it's gone. And then you don't notice it if you're not looking for it. And even if you're looking for it and you find some old photographs, you might get distracted and not notice that something is gone.

Also, you need to work on your ability to stay focused.

Lily

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.

~ Orhan Pamuk

- - - - - -

The other night I was putting Lily in her kennel for the evening. She was restless and didn't really want to go to bed. At one point she started chewing on the crate. I said, "Knock that off or your going to break your teeth, Shawshank." Then I laughed and laughed. 

She barked. I think the bark meant one of the following:

"Don't laugh at me!"

"Don't call me 'Shawshank'!"

"Hahahahahahahaha!"

I'm pretty sure it was the last one. I like to think we have the same sense of humor. 

Animals

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.

~ Anatole France

- - - - -

I agree with this. We recently got a puppy - Lily. I have loved an animal before, but it is nice to once again have an animal to love. I think I am a better person and healthier physically and mentally when I have a dog.

It is hard work, though. It's been almost 20 years since I had a puppy. They are exhausting. But then I think about Noah and all the animals on the ark and I decide I shouldn't complain. I'm sure I'll complain again, but one puppy isn't really the same as an ark of animals. 

(pause)

It would be cool to have an ark of animals, but that is a lot of poop and pee to deal with.

Tenure

The productivity now at universities is terrible. Tenure is a terrible idea. It keeps them around forever and they don't have to work hard.

~ Jack Welch

- - - - - 

The comment in the photo above is taped to my computer screen in my office on campus. I haven't been to my office on campus for about five months. Do not interpret that to mean that I haven't been working hard. 

I have.

Way, way, way harder than Jack Welch. He's dead.

(pause)

Now, that would be maybe funnier if he had died like thirty years ago instead of in March. The point is, I work hard. 

Bell

Far away in the cool, dim, empty rooms of the old house, a silver bell tinkled and faded.

~ Ray Bradbury

- - - - -

What if this was about a character named "Silver Bell." And what if before Silver urinated in the room of an old house she had rescued people because she was a life guard? The prequel to the story about the fading away could be called "Save by the Bell." And if before that she had had gluteal augmentation, that story could be called "Bell Bottoms." Or if she was a big partier maybe "Bell Bottoms Up."

Wow, I have so many ideas.

You'll note I didn't say "good" ideas. Still, I think almost all of them are good ideas.

Jokes, 2

The gods too are fond of a joke.

~ Aristotle

- - - - -

This is why 13-year-olds don't hang out with their grandparents a lot.

Overheard...

Kid: Want to hear a joke?

Grandma & Grandpa: Sure!

Grandma: Who doesn't love a joke?

Kid: Okay, so there's a green glass door --

Grandma: Why's it green? Why couldn't it be yellow? Or blue?

Kid: Because it's a GREEN GLASS DOOR.

Grandpa: Go on.

Kid: So a tree can go in the door, but a branch can't. The moon can go in the door, but the sun can't. Cheese can go in the door, but milk can't. What's the rule for getting in the door?

Grandpa: (immediately) I don't know.

Grandma: The things have to be growing to go in the door. 

Kid: What?! No.

Grandma: Like cheese can grow mold and a tree can grow and the moon -- wait. 

Kid: It's because things with two letters the same in a row can go in. trEE. mOOn. chEEse.

Grandma: Oh. Well, I didn't even think of that. Isn't it great how we all bring different things to our thinking? This is a great conversation starter.

(Kid sits silently for about 15 minutes after that.)

Jokes

The gods too are fond of a joke.

~ Aristotle

- - - - -

Why 13-year-olds don't tell jokes to their grandparents...

Kid: Here's another joke. There are three elevators and a fire inside the building.

Grandma: A fire outside or inside?

Kid: That's not the point.

Grandma: Yes, it is. If there's a fire outside, why would you try to go out of the building.

Kid: Anyway, there are hornets in one, a hitman from 1910 in the next, and a tiger in the third. Which elevator do you use?

Grandpa: (immediately) Hitman from 1910.

Kid: Why?

Grandpa: Because he'd be dead.

Kid: Good!

Grandma: I was going to say tiger so I could put a spell on him and keep him as a pet.


Editorial comment: I WISH the kid would have said, "None of them. You should never use an elevator during a fire." That is actually the correct answer.

Strength

Struggle is strengthening.

~ Ossie Davis

- - - - -

Pandemics suck. This is not news nor is the statement particularly insightful. I do think that this pandemic - despite the struggle - is making us stronger, however I think we are not all getting stronger is good areas of our lives. Some of us are stronger in our denial of reality. Some of us are stronger in our suspicion of others or of our own communities. Some of us are stronger in selfishness. 

But we are also stronger in positive ways. Some of us have stronger senses of care for others. Some of us have found stronger senses of care for ourselves. Some of us have found strength in literature or visual arts or music.

And some of us just drink much stronger coffee. Or something stronger than coffee. 

Anyway... we're all "strugthening."

Family

There is a collective as well as an individual humor inclining peoples to sadness or cheerfulness, making them see things in bright or somber lights. In fact, only society can pass a collective opinion on the value of human life; for this the individual is incompetent.

~ Emile Durkheim

- - - - -

Kirk and Jared are putting together a family photo wall. This is one of the photos that Kirk says Zak likes. This is me and Erik with our Grandma and Grandpa Boettcher. I look awesome in this photo. Everyone else looks so somber. Not me. I was not somber. Not then.

My somberness set in when I got older. I'm super-somber now. Somber comes from the Latin for "under" and "shade." Mostly I'm somber because the ozone layer is depleted. See how that means multiple things there?

(pause) 

From the looks on their faces, I'm not sure my grandparents liked Erik very much. 

Mmmmm

Food sharing is an innate way that we show our love for people we care about. Including others in time of celebration is an act of kindness.

~ Dr. Theresa Nicassio

- - - - - 

Remember that one time that Ezra and David ate a cupcake at Granny's birthday party and then Ezra looked like Kid Colonel Sanders? If not, there's a photo of it above.

Seeing

There are poisons that blind you and poisons that open your eyes.

~ August Strindberg

- - - - -

I was outside reading the other day and I kept thinking I saw my neighbor walking around her yard, but it was her flag. I don't know why she was walking around her yard with her flag.