Peachoid

Artwork by Milly Green

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.

~ Pablo Picasso

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My friend Milly sent me a drawing of Leslie and me in front of the peachoid. My wonderful friend Amanda included an exchange she and Milly had while Milly was creating the art.

Milly: Mom?

Me: Yeah?

Milly: Do you think they knew how much that water tower looks like a butt when they took this picture?

It really does look like a butt.

And, yes. Yes, we knew, Milly. And I'm glad that photo gave you a reason to draw a butt.

Rice

I don't want to throw rice

I want to throw rocks at her...

~ Dolly Parton

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Once upon a time, there was a film director. He really wanted to hire a real rock band to star in his film. He reached out to Mick Jagger and Keith Richards - who happened to be vacationing in his town. They were amenable, but had to talk it over with the rest of the band.

The director was incredibly excited. He went to the film's producer who was NOT excited about the idea. The producer said, "We don't want to be casting Stones." 

The director quit and worked for a different producer.

 

Sun

Your days are numbered. Use them to throw open the windows of your soul to the sun. If you do not, the sun will soon set, and you with it.

~ Marcus Aurelius

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If we counted our days the way dogs do, then we would be less focused on counting and more focused on living. Mainly because dogs don't know how to count.
 

Magic

I am a great admirer of mystery and magic. Look at this life - all mystery and magic.

~ Harry Houdini

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I think these are Zak's favorite pants. He wears them a lot. I also think they might be magic because it is almost like Zak is floating along instead of walking. 

The world is magic. At least the kid parts of the world.

Dog

Did you know there are over 300 words for "love" in canine?

~ Gabrielle Zevin

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People think they're all clever when they say things like, "Dog spelled backwards is God." 

Oh. Okay, Penelope. Also, poodle spelled backward is el doop. What about that?

 

Abandoned

Old houses, I thought, do not belong to people, ever, not really, people belong to them.

~ Gladys Taber

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If you're out driving around and you see a cool-looking empty building, don't go in there. It isn't yours. And when you leave, a couple of weirdos in a truck might try to chase you down and accuse you of dumping a litter of kittens at the house. 

I dunno. It could happen.

Mountains

How glorious a greeting the sun gives the mountains!

~ John Muir

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One day the mountain greeted the sun, "Good morning, my friend. How are you today?"

The sun smiled at this, as the mountain was not always friendly in the morning.

"I am fine, my friend. How are you?"

"Lousy! Thanks for reminding me!" the mountain growled and then spit at the sun, for this was not a mountain, but a volcano!

The thing is, the sun isn't afraid of volcanoes. Ultimately, when volcanoes erupt, they burn themselves first and most.

There's an important lesson here. I don't know what it is, but it's here somewhere.

Priorities

Action expresses priorities.

~ Mahatma Gandhi

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Priority means coming before, but starting in the 1400s, it started meaning most important. Today it means cell phones.

Glorious

Just because you didn't put a name to something did not mean it wasn't there.

~ Jodi Picoult

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Gloria wanted to call her diner "Glorious Diner," but everyone was an asshole and said that was a stupid name. So she moved away and opened her diner in another town. The food was terrible, but the name was "Glorious".

Milestones

The moments between your milestones are not filler.

~ Nelou Keramati

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This is my 5,000th blog post. I started this blog when I was struggling as an outlet to make space for my random observations and a place to share my photos.

Who is this blog for, you ask? This is for me. I just let others eavesdrop on my brain. 

Cow

A cow's heaven is a flower's idea of hell.

~ Oliver Gaspiritz

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The calf looked up at his mother and said, "I am a great leader." 

His mother, who loved him very much, said, "You could be, but right now, you are just a baby."

The calf thought about this and said, "So, I'm just a boy. I'm a cowboy! Yee-haw! Howdy, howdy, howdy!"

His mother, who loved him slightly less than before, said, "Not everyone is a leader. It is important to have good followers in the world, too." 

Learning

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance.

~ e. e. cummings

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Hm. I think most of us would rather learn how to sing than kill the vibe of a bunch of stars. Other things I'd rather do include:

I'd rather learn from a dolphin how to swim than stop all puppies from wagging their tails.

I'd rather learn from one butterfly how to fly than stop all the kangaroos from hopping around.

I'd rather learn from a squirrel how to climb a tree than extinguish the sun - which would kill me. And the squirrel. And the tree.

Bird

Every bird, every tree, every flower reminds me what a blessing and privilege it is just to be alive.

~ Marty Rubin

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If someone wants to give me the bird, it might be weird, but I hope they flip me off with their finger because do I look like an estuary to you?! (pause) I mean, do I look like an aviary to you?!

(pause)

Stop laughing at me.

(pause)

Fine, if you're going to laugh at me, take this (I hand you an osprey). Who's laughing now, jerk?

Doughnut

With a doughnut in each hand, anything is possible.

~ Jameela Jamil

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Anything except helping someone move a piano, but you didn't really want to do that anyway.

Judgment

Art knows no prejudice. Art knows no boundaries. Art doesn't really have judgment in its purest form. So just go. Just go.

~ k. d. lang

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There are times, on rare occasions, when it's okay to judge a book by its cover. 

Egg

Probably one of the most private things in the world is an egg until it's broken.

~ M. F. K. Fisher

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If an egg is not only broken but then splattered on a wall somewhere, not only is it not private, it, in fact, but also becomes something of a eggsposition. 

Robots

Our robot overlords are coming regardless, but I'm not going to hold the door open for them.

~ Catherine Ryan Howard

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Me: What do you think of when I say "polar robot"?

Chat GPT: When I hear the term "polar robot," I think of a robot specifically designed to work in polar environments such as the Arctic or Antarctic regions. These robots are typically designed with specialized sensors, instruments, and mobility features that enable them to navigate through icy terrain, withstand extreme cold temperatures, and gather scientific data and samples for research purposes. Robots can range from small, agile rovers to larger, more complex machines like icebreakers and submarines, depending on the tasks they are designed to perform.

Me: So, you don't think of a robot that looks like half machine and half polar bear?

Chat GPT: No. No, I do not think of that.

Done

I don't stop when I'm tired. I only stop when I'm done.

~ Marilyn Monroe

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That's where Marilyn Monroe and I are different. I stop sometimes when I'm tired.

(pause)

Really, that's the only difference between the two of us.

Life

Photo by Kirk Boettcher

I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. 

~ Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off

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I hope that as he gets older, Kirk does not decide to restore a 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California Spyder. (pause) Or if he does, I hope he doesn't have an elevated garage with glass walls where he keeps it. (pause) Or if he does, I hope he lets Zak help him so he and Zak can build a relationship around the car restoration instead of Kirk choosing to restore the car over his relationship with Zak. (pause)

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Kirk isn't ever going to restore a car. (pause)

I hope that, as he gets older, Kirk does not decide to restore a life-sized wax statue of Amy Sedaris. (pause)

Or if he does, I hope I never see it.

 

Lily

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

~ Steven Wright

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Leslie: She doesn't know it's her birthday.

Me: No. But she knows it's a good day.
 

Wrong

People say that you're going the wrong way when it's simply a way of your own.

~ Angelina Jolie

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People aren't the boss of you. Unless they're your boss. But if they are bossing you, you should quit that job. And if you can't, you should keep good notes in case there's a lawsuit later on. 

We'll see who's wrong then, won't we, Boss?!

 

Shotgun

Wyatt and Morgan Earp were in the service of The Express Company. They went often as guards - "riding shotgun" it was called - when the stage bore unusual treasure.

~ Alfred Henry Lewis, 1905

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What an irony when that "unusual treasure" was simply peace on earth.

Unlimited

People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don't know. I'm never there.

~ Dolly Parton

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Maybe we should put some limits on hairstyles.

 

Blur

What True Blood does really well is that it balances on the line between good and evil - you blur the distinction between the two.

~ Robert Kazinsky

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You know what else blurs that distinction? Toddlers. But I don't think you should let them watch True Blood. Why would you think that is okay? What. Is. WRONG. With YOU?!

Toilet

The internet is a toilet. It is.

~ Lady Gaga

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 A good thing to do on your anniversary is clean the toilets. It's something your person will appreciate and it's also symbolic of you trying to clean up all the stupid crap you've done in the past year.

Wishes

Formerly, when I would feel a desire to understand someone, or myself, I would take into consideration, not actions, in which everything is relative, but wishes. Tell me what you want, and I'll tell you who you are.

~ Anton Chekov

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We were at a barbeque restaurant recently, and Leslie saw this sign. She said, "I wonder who Mrs. Mauldin is." I wish she would just eat her dinner.

Antiques

In quoting others, we cite ourselves.

~ Julio Cortazar

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I imagine even if you piece out an old friend for parts it isn't going to be as valuable as a Pinner Qing Dynasty vase.

Appearance

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

~ Confucius

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Overheard at the dog park: "The shave poodles into so many different concoctions!"

That they do, Evelyn. That. They Do.
 

Nunny

You know how Sister Berthe always makes me kiss the floor when we've had a disagreement? Well, lately, I've taken to kissing the floor whenever I see her coming, just to save time.

~ Maria, The Sound of Music

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Once upon a time in a small village far away, there were two very kind and very old nuns. The very kind and very old nuns got together to play drums. While they were very kind and very old, they were also very horrible - at drumming. One spring people in their village decided to have a talent show, and the nuns went up to the coordinator of the talent show and said, "We'd like to play our drums together in the talent show." The talent show coordinator was stuck -- he could let them play, and they would ruin the talent show, or he could say no and make two very kind and very old nuns very sad. 

This is where the term conundrum originated.

Pizza

I'd rather have leftover pizza than leftover feelings.

~ Sara Burgess

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I think the reason so many people like pizza is because it's really good.

Green

O beware, my lord, of jealousy;

It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.

~ William Shakespeare

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 Lily is a patient dog. 

Great

 Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies.

~ Demetri Martin

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What if you could "halve" a great day? You could experience some of it now and save some for later. But then what if you get hit by a bus and killed. You wasted half of a great day. OR if you got hit by a bus and just hurt a lot you could use the second half of your great day.

Life is full of really challenging conundrums.

Scarecrows

Life is populated with scarecrows -- all those people and things that seem so scary and trouble our sleep. Isn't it nice to know that most of them turn out to be made of nothing but straw!

~ Jerry Spinelli

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It's good there is a fire hydrant around this event. If you've seen The Wizard of Oz, you know that scarecrows are very flammable. 

If you haven't seen The Wizard of Oz, that's weird.

Beer

Humankind was built on beer.

~ William Bostwick

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Beer is not a very stable foundation.
 

Moss

Trees down south have a difference to them, a subtle, slinking movement, mile by mile - a gracefulness, a swagger. Lanky trees stretching out their wiry thin, Spanish moss-covered branches, moss that sways and beckons... come here, come here, it says.

~ Suzanne Palmieri

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I hope that Keith Richards has an interest in bryology or lichenology and a collection of mosses in his home.

Faith

Faith is like radar that sees through the fog -- the reality of things at a distance that the human eye cannot see.

~ Carrie Ten Boom

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Things at a distance the human eye CAN see are sometimes mirages. But those aren't real. So sometimes things the human eye can't see ARE real. Like bacteria or the wind or ghosts like the ones in this graveyard. 

 

Listening

An appreciative listener is always stimulating.

~ Agatha Christie

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I recently heard that at one time, Audible was the largest employer of actors in the New York area. I have heard some very good performers on Audible. I have heard a few that were not so good, but mostly good. I didn't think of it as acting when I first heard the readers on Audible, but I do think of it that way now. They run the dialogue and pace of the story and all that. I still get to run the projector on those stories, though.

I'm very good at the cinematography of the stories in my mind.

Curious

My work is best done with a low profile, you see, so my office is a bit out of the way. I have the run of the place after hours. But that isn't so bad for those of us who are curious for a living.

~ Kelly Barnhill

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Being curious for a living is a pretty good job. You get to do that if you are a teacher or researcher or develop new products for 3M or are a librarian wondering what the hell those kids are up to.

Work.

Light tomorrow with today. 

~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

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This is a photo I took of the place where I work. My office is there on the second floor on the left. It's the one without the window.

Shrimp

While drawing, I discover what I really want to say.

~ Dario Fo

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The person who drew this really wanted to say, "Shrimp."

Art

If you think the United States has stood still, who do you think build the largest shopping center in the world, the Lloyd Shopping Center right here?

~ Richard M. Nixon, 1960

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Sometimes I think about all the things I bought in life that I never really used and certainly didn't need. I think about how much I would have if I could get all that money back. Then I realize I would just have spent it all on other crap instead of the crap I bought in the first place. 

So, instead of living in the past, I try just not to buy as much crap now. Most of the time I take photos of it instead.

Scared

"Oh, monsters are scared," said Lettie. "That's why they're monsters."

~ Neil Gaiman

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I took this photo on a trip to a cabin a few months ago. We enjoyed our time even though a realtor came to show the cabin while we were there, you had to take the kayak down a slope that was very steep, and the power went out. Lily even got a little scared when the power went out.

(pause)

We probably aren't going back to that place again.

Stuff

Too much of anything is the beginning of a mess.

~ Dorothy Draper

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You never know what you might find in the middle of a mess. Could be old photos or old shoes or brand new shoes you forgot you had. It's a messtery. 

Ways

You may not find a path, but you will find a way.

~ Tom Wolfe

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They say if you don't find a path, create your own. And then they get mad when you cut down all the trees in their yard to create a shortcut. I wish they would make up their minds.
 

Rainbow

When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars.

~ Oscar Wilde

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And early that afternoon, at the end of the rainbow, they found Skateland USA. It was a pleasant surprise, but a surprise nonetheless. They each tied up their skates and made a few passes around the roller skating rink. When they went outside to leave, it was dark, and the rainbow had gone. They thought two things. One: "The rainbow is gone, but we will always carry it in our hearts." And two: "How long were we in there?!"

Seeing

I don't see coincidence. I see providence.

~ Morpheus

- - - - -

I've never been to Rhode Island.

 

Gift

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.

~ Winston Churchill

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What if we are all "God's Gift" to each other? I've heard that used derogatorily -- someone thinking they are "God's Gift" to baseball or physics or whatever. But what if it's true that we are each a gift to one another.

I think that is true. And I think it's okay to like some gifts more than others.

Also, I haven't really ever heard someone called "God's Gift to physics '.
 

Learning

The mind, once enlightened, cannot again become dark.

~ Thomas Paine

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My brother is actually a very good reader of children's books. My nephew is a pretty good listener to children's books. Also, why are those books just for children? 

Children are so selfish.
 

Achievement

 I'm sorry -- I'm so sorry that my whole life goal wasn't to, like, achieve stuff or something!

~ Julia Devereaux on Lucky Hank

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It's nice to get recognized for things - to get certificates or awards or trophies. Ultimately, however, it is each of us individually who knows what we really achieve. That's why I make myself my own certificates to hang up. I have so, so many of them. I'm a high achiever.