Puddles

Every path hath a puddle.

~ George Herbert

- - - - -

In thinking about the coming year, knowing that "every path hath a puddle" we have some options. We can dread the puddle and use our non-puddled time worrying about the puddle. We can talk about how our puddles are worse than everyone else's puddles because we don't ever really have a clue about others' puddles. We can wallow in the puddle - actively seeking misery rather than joy. We can accept the puddle and experience dread only when in the puddle. Or we can love the puddle and the experiences it will bring. Puddles are not solely about wet socks and shoes. Puddles are about splashes and action and moments of excitement - AND wet socks and shoes. But sometimes totally worth it.

Conversation

One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.
~ Linda Lambert

- - - - -

My brother says, "We don't throw our shoes, right?" or "We don't throw toys in the car, right?" He says that a LOT. This is Zak's, "I don't hear what you're saying," look.

Also, I don't know what "we" Kirk's talking about because he used to do that shit all the time.

Heads

If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?

~ T. S. Eliot

- - - - -

If you go to visit someone and upon arrival they offer you a dish of doll heads, you should probably take one. If you don't, it would be rude. Plus, if they ask you later which head you chose, you'll want to be able to answer.

But don't take the doll head home with you. How are you going to explain that to your roommates or guests? Unless you end up with a dish of dollheads - then you can give them away as people come to visit you.

Post

Anytime you see a turtle on a fence post you know he had some help.

~ Alex Haley

- - - - - 

Anytime you see a horse on a post you don't know what the hell is going on.

Brother

What strange creatures brothers are!

~ Jane Austen

- - - - -
Today is my brother's birthday. This is a photo of him being all proud that he is taller than a lighthouse. He has no sense of depth perception.

My apologies. I should have stopped that last sentence after the word "sense."

Winter

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.

~ Edith Sitwell

- - - - -

When people say, "Santa was good to us this year" what they are really saying is, "We bought ourselves a lot of shit we wanted and we're happy about that."

Peace

Nobody can give you peace but yourself.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- - - - -

I hope anyone who reads this is able to find peace today and every - or at least most days. We all need more of that. Be kind to yourself. Like the quote says - "Nobody can give you peace but yourself."

What is also true is that others can give you a piece of cake or pie. I like strawberry rhubarb pie please - as long as you're up.

Hummel

I don't think any collector knows his true motivation.

~ Robert Mapplethorpe

- - - - -


Dad used to get mom one of these Hummels every couple of years for Christmas. 

Okay. So apparently Hummel Figurines were originally designed by Berta Hummel who became Sister Maria Innocentia Hummel (M. I. Hummel) and died at 37. I had no idea my mother was collecting the tchotchkes of a dead woman.

They are what Precious Moments figurines look like before the children are doused with toxic waste. (If you think I'm not a fan of Precious Moments, you should meet my friend Leslie. She's a bigger not fan than I am).

Happy Christmas Eve.

Kindness

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

~ Aesop

- - - - -

Leslie has some special dishes she likes to use at Christmas. When I was working on stuff in the garage while she was in PA last year around this time, I pulled a few decorations for the little tree I had gotten. I also saw her dishes. 

At first I wasn't going to get them out. However, Leslie really likes having Christmas dinner off of those dishes. And they were right there. With the tumblers and the wine glasses and the placemats. Why would I NOT get them out? But still, I almost didn't.

"If we get them out, we'll just have to put them away again," I said to myself. Of course the same was true for the string of lights and the little bulbs and the one ornament I had just gotten out. And she loves those dishes. They are important to her.

So, I brought out dishes. I put them on a shelf in the laundry room so they were out of the way, but easy to get when dinner time came on Christmas. Then I sort of forgot I did that.

A week or so later - on Christmas Eve - Leslie came and said, "I know you probably think this is silly, but I really want to use the Christmas dishes for dinner tomorrow." I gave her a look - mainly because I had forgotten that I didn't tell her I had gotten them out. I think she read my look as resistance. "I'll get them out and I'll put them away," she said - trying to convince me.

I realized I hadn't told her and that she must not have seen the dishes on the shelf. 

"I got them out already. They're in the laundry room. I got the dishes and the tumblers and the wine glasses. The only thing I didn't get was the relish dish thing. I am not sure where that is."

She stared at me. Then she thanked me. "That was so nice," she said.

"I did something nice," I agreed. 

"You do nice things all the ti--  Well, most of the time," she agreed.

Receiving

It is thrifty to prepare today for the wants of tomorrow.

~ Aesop

- - - - -

I am prepared for the wants of tomorrow. And the wants of today. I am prepared for the wants to be fulfilled so I don't have to want them anymore.

Butterfly

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

- - - - - 

Butterflies are nice, but very susceptible to illness. That's why we see them more in the summer than the winter. In the winter most of them are at home with the butterflu.

Holiday

Every moment of light and dark is a miracle.

~ Walt Whitman

- - - - -

I have heard people say that as you get older your Christmas list gets shorter because the things you want can't be bought.

I completely agree.

You can't buy things like Jarts (the real javelin style ones with the metal tips) or Koogle or dinner with Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Well, I could buy her dinner, but I don't know her.

Happy birthday, Justice Ginsburg. Let me know if you want to grab dinner sometime.

Confusion

He who knows he is a fool is not the biggest fool; 

He who knows he is confused is not in the biggest confusion.

~ Chuang Tzu

- - - - -

Last year Leslie watched Elf with me. It was the first time she had seen it. One of my favorite moments was the following...

Narwhal: Bye, Buddy. I hope you find your dad.
Buddy: Thanks, Mr. Narwhal.
Leslie: (pause) What the @?&# was that?!!

Holidays

Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.

~ Ellen DeGeneres

- - - - -

I don't think "cheese log" is particularly appealing as a phrase. However, I do think it is more appealing than "cheese loaf."

Friends

A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

~ Walter Winchell

- - - - -

Cookie Monster was friends with the giraffe because he admired her long neck. The giraffe was frieds with Cookie Monster because she admired that he had two pairs of legs and feet.

Going

Life is like a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

~ Albert Einstein

- - - - -

In Einstein's defense, there weren't scooters like this around in his time. Otherwise I'm sure he would have said, "Life is like a bicycle and Zak's scooter. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."

I would wonder how Einstein knew Zak, but Zak gets around, so it's possible. Mostly he gets around on his scooter.

Or his bike. 

I guess you're right after all, Einstein. 

Dock

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay

Watchin' the tide roll away

Sittin' on the dock of the bay

Wastin' time

~ Otis Redding

- - - - -

I disagree, Otis. I don't think that is a waste of time at all. Watching the tide can be relaxing. You can find your peace watching the tide. You can remember your place and purpose in the world.

Unless you're talking about watching an empty Tide detergent container. In that case, I agree. Go get that before it rolls away. Litterbug.

Hat

The personality of the wearer and the hat makes the hat.

~ Philip Treacy

- - - - -

"I look fabulous," thought the wall wearing the hat. 

"You look fabulous because of ME," said the hat.

"Because of you and because of my great personality," pushed back the wall.

"Mostly because of me," continued the hat. "Without me, you're rather flat."

Doll

Names have power.

~ Rick Riordan

- - - - -

"Helga Sternbottom was not a cutesy name for a doll, but dammit if that was what they named her, that was who she would be," thought the doll Helga Sternbottom."

Language

Fatigue is the best pillow.

~ Ben Franklin

- - - - -

Leslie: You're a slugabed.

Me: (pause). That's not a thing.

Leslie: It is. It's a word. It's in the dictionary.

Me: (pause) It's not a word. It's not in the dictionary.

Leslie: It's a word. I've heard it before.

Me: You've heard it before because you said it out loud. That's where you heard it.

Leslie: It's a word.

Me: (annoyed and looking at my phone) It's not a word. You made -- (silence)

Leslie: (smiling)

Me: It's a word.

Leslie: That's what I said.

Me: (staring at phone) How did you do that?

Leslie: Do what?

Me: (showing her the definition for "slugabed" on my phone). How did you work the internet to post that word everywhere like it's a real word?

Leslie: I know words and what they mean.

Me: And it's not a very nice word to call someone. "A lazy person who stays in bed late." 

Leslie: I know words and what they mean.

Voices

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.

~ Peggy O'Mara

- - - - -

Poor Zak. If that quote is true then his inner voice sounds like a combination between Bea Arthur and Elmo.

Graffiti

People say graffiti is ugly, irresponsible, and childish... but that's only if it's done properly.

~ Banksy

- - - - -

You might wonder if Leslie did all the graffiti here.

If you do, you probably haven't ever met Leslie.

Bridge

The arts bridge cultures; they're good for the economy and they're good for fostering empathy and decency.

~ Julie Andrews

- - - - - 

I was going to trick you and use a windshield quote instead of a bridge quote with this photo, but when I entered "windshield quotes" all I got was information about how much windshields costs.

Ultimately, I guess that windshields, bridges, and the arts all matter. They also all have the letter S in them if you talk about them in the plural.

Shoes

We ought not to treat living creatures like shoes or household belongings, which when worn with use we throw away.

~ Plutarch

- - - - -

The divorced shoes hung out at the shoe repair place.

Skateboard

All skateboarding is putting ideas into action.

~ Marc Johnson

- - - - -

Why is it "skate board" and "roller skates"? Doesn't that seem inconsistent? Shouldn't it be skate board and skate shoes? Or roller board and roller boots? Or skate board and - wait. What happened to my skate brogans?

Safety

The dangers are infinite and among them is safety.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

- - - - - 
I think you should call this guy "Safety Duck" not "Duck Safety." If people misheard what you said when you said, "Duck Safety" and they mistook "Duck" for something that rhymes with "Duck" it could sound like you don't care about safety at all when you really, really do.

Actually, now that I think about it, a better name for this guy would be "Dump Duck." 

Friends

Remember, the most valuable antiques are dear, old friends.

~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

- - - - -

Remember that, but don't say it. Because if you say to a bunch of your friends, "Hello, everyone. I'm so glad you're all here. You're my most valuable antiques," people don't like that. At least that's what I heard from someone one time.

Playground

The world is a playground, and death is the night.

~ Rumi

- - - - -

Leslie: How was your journaling?

Me: Fine but noisy. I guess it’s selfish to expect to get the park all to myself. 

(Kid crying in the background)

Me: And there have been kids crying all day too they need to quit their frickin crying. 

Leslie: that’s harsh

Me: (yelling at the kid) You can cry at home! don’t cry in the park! You know what you CAN'T do at home? Play on this playground equipment, so quit your crying and do that!

Leslie: Do you think that helped?

Me: Yep. I think that's why that kid's mom is running over here. To tell me how much it helped. 

Recommendations

Live in rooms full of light. Avoid heavy food. Be moderate in the drinking of wine. Take massage, baths, exercise, and gymnastics. Fight insomnia with gentle rocking or the sound of running water. Change surroundings and take long journeys. Strictly avoid frightening ideas. Indulge in cheerful conversation and amusements. Listen to music.

~ Aulus Cornelius Celsus

- - - - -

With if what "We" recommend (see photo above) and what Aulus Cornelius Celsus recommends produce the exact same results?

Antiques

Old things are always in good repute, present things in disfavor.

~ Tacitus

- - - - -

If you leave things outside in the weather, they might look like antiques even if they aren't.

Playground

Make life your playground, not your battlefield.

~ Ormond McGill

Love is a battlefield.

~ Pat Benatar

- - - - -

I think it's good that Ormond McGill and Pat Benatar never dated. 

(pause)

That I know of.

Umbrellas

Illusions are like umbrellas - you no sooner get them than you lose them, and the loss always leaves a little, painful wound.

~ W. Somerset Maugham

- - - - -
Was I surprised there was an Umbrella Cover Museum?
I was.
Was I surprised to learn that Umbrella Cover Day is July 6th?
I was.
Am I surprised that I recommend that everyone who goes to Portland, ME visit The Umbrella Cover Museum on Peak's Island?
Yes. But I do definitely recommend it.
Was I surprised that Jared and Kirk took me to the Umbrella Cover Museum? Twice? (it wasn't open on Mondays and the first time we went was a Monday, so we had to wait until the next year to go.)
No. That seems perfectly in keeping with who they are. And their deep love for me.

Shopping

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

~ Steven Wright

- - - - -

If you go shopping and they have a cash register like this at the check out, that's probably a good thing. I don't think they can charge you very much on this cash register. You should probably try to buy a car or a house from this place. 

Thanksgiving

Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.

~ Hansa Proverb

- - - - -

If you struggle to think of something to be thankful for this season, two suggestions:

1. Try harder. I bet you have at least a few things to be thankful for.
2. Tacos. If you can't be thankful for anything else, there are always tacos.

Crossings

The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.

~ Douglas Adams

- - - - -

This photo is about crossings. Railroad crossings. The jet trails in the sky crossing. Crossing the road. Criss-cross-applesauce.

Which is catchier than "Criss-crutney-mango chutney."

Carnivals

Everything being a constant carnival there is no carnival left.

~ Victor Hugo

- - - - -

"Do you want to ride the haunted merry go round?" asked the phantom of the haunted carnival.

The kid and his dog said yes, but then the phantom said, "Dogs can't ride this." The kid said if the dog couldn't ride then he didn't want to ride.

They walked away but then realized that they had a skull in their fanny pack. And the skull had rubies for eyes. Then the phantom of the haunted midway chased them.

And then their friends said, "C'mon - over here!" and they jumped in a van.

That's why I don't wear fanny packs.

Also, that is not the only reason.

HI

There's a kind of numbness, a sameness, a lack of motivation in "good job" culture.

~ J. K. Simmons

- - - - -

I got these glasses for Zak so he and I could look alike. Except I forgot I only wear my glasses when I'm reading. He wore his for a while, but then took them off. And Zak doesn't know how to read.

Prologue

What's past is prologue.

~ William Shakespeare

- - - - -

I just want to clarify that this is not an exact replica of our home. While Leslie and I have the exact same couch and artwork on our walls, we have hard wood floors and none of our walls are painted red or black (at this point).

Though these are our "hang out around the house" outfits.

Conversation, III

Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.

~ Margaret Wheatley

- - - - -

First, a recap from the day before yesterday's blog:

The other day I was texting with Kirk. We were texting about different things we had been watching. I wanted to write to him about the weirdness of watching Ted Danson on "The Good Place" (something I watch on my own) while also watching Ted Danson on "Damages" (something Leslie and I are watching). But he doesn't watch "Damages," so it was meaningless. And Leslie doesn't watch "The Good Place," so I can't talk to her.

I'm so alone sometimes.


And a recap from yesterday's blog:

Now today's continuation of the post "Conversation":

But that's not my point in this post.  My point is that when I asked Kirk if he watched "Damages" he said he didn't because he can't keep up with any more shows. Especially ones that are more than one season at a time.

I told him about how our internet / cable had been out for three days and during that time Leslie and I sat on the couch and talked about things instead of watching TV. I said, "Our cable was out for a few days. We sat and talked. Mostly about how angry we were that cable was out."


And now the conclusion of "Conversation":

You might think the painting above is of Glenn Close and Rose Byrne from "Damages." It isn't. It is an exact replication of what Leslie and I looked like sitting on the couch complaining about the cable being out.

The End.

Conversation, II

Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.

~ Margaret Wheatley

- - - - -

First, a recap from yesterday's blog:

The other day I was texting with Kirk. We were texting about different things we had been watching. I wanted to write to him about the weirdness of watching Ted Danson on "The Good Place" (something I watch on my own) while also watching Ted Danson on "Damages" (something Leslie and I are watching). But he doesn't watch "Damages," so it was meaningless. And Leslie doesn't watch "The Good Place," so I can't talk to her.

I'm so alone sometimes.

Now today's continuation of the post "Conversation":

But that's not my point in this post. My point is that when I asked Kirk if he watched "Damages" he said he didn't because he can't keep up with any more shows. Especially ones that are more than one season at a time.

I told him about how our internet / cable had been out for three days and during that time Leslie and I sat on the couch and talked about things instead of watching TV. I said, "Our cable was out for a few days. We sat and talked. Mostly about how angry we were that cable was out."

Conversation, I

Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.

~ Margaret Wheatley

- - - - -

The other day I was texting with Kirk. We were texting about different things we had been watching. I wanted to write to him about the weirdness of watching Ted Danson on "The Good Place" (something I watch on my own) while also watching Ted Danson on "Damages" (something Leslie and I are watching). But he doesn't watch "Damages," so it was meaningless. And Leslie doesn't watch "The Good Place," so I can't talk to her.

I'm so alone sometimes.

Glasses

Most of my childhood is a blur - because I needed better glasses.

~ Wendy Liebman

- - - - -

I needed glasses when I was in first grade. I had a lot of headaches. I once had to stand in the corner because I was telling all the kids to shut up because they were too loud and it hurt my head.

But once I got my eyes checked and got glasses, I got an apology from my teacher and huge financial settlement from the school.

That second part is a lie. Back then we didn't sue the schools all the time. We would just, "Shut up. Sit down. And keep still." Which is NOT a quote from my first grade teacher.

It is a quote from my sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Richardson.

(pause)

Now I'm starting to second guess some of educational experiences.

Moths

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

~ Paula Poundstone

- - - - -

Most quotes about moths have to do with moths being drawn to a flame. If that is true and a flame is hot, then something like "moth ice" should definitely work to keep them away from things.

Like your drink.

Fungi

Fungi are the interface organisms between life and death.

~ Paul Stamets

- - - - -

Fungi are the ghosts of the plant world. Living, but drawing on the death of others. When a person dies, their ghost takes up residence in the world. Except we can't always see ghosts, like we can mushrooms. 

However, when a person dies, if left out in nature, a person might sprout mushrooms, too. Ih which case fungi are the fungi of the human world, too.

Think about that the next time you order mushrooms on your pizza.

Eating

We all eat. It would be a sad waste of opportunity to eat badly.

~ Anna Thomas

- - - - -

This morning I was driving to Panera to do some writing. On my drive I heard my radio friend Rudy Mancke talking about seeing a praying mantis eating the head of a grasshopper while a yellow jacket ate the tail end of the grasshopper.

I just got something to drink when I got to Panera.

Habitat

What is a fish without a river? What is a bird without a tree to nest in? What is an Endangered Species Act without any enforcement mechanism to ensure their habitat is protected? It is nothing.

~ Jay Inslee

- - - - -

A fish without a river is an ocean fish. A bird without a tree to nest in is a turkey or a grouse or a pheasant or a sandpiper or a tern or a plover or a goose or a swan or most ducks or a meadowlark or a bobolink.

And yes -- yes, I DID do more research on birds who don't nest in trees than I did fish that only live in the ocean.

Weird

Where's your will to be weird?

~ Jim Morrison

- - - - -

weird adjective suggesting something supernatural, uncanny

supernatural adjective (of a manifestation or event) attributed to some force beyond scientific understanding or the laws of nature

uncanny adjective strange or mysterious, especially in an unsettling way

I was going to write something about not calling kids weird because it's not nice. After looking up the definition of the word, I think it's actually a great compliment. And based on the kids I know, most of them in fact ARE weird. Unfortunately, they get significantly less weird as they become grown ups.

Donuts

Donuts: Is there anything they can't do?

~ Matt Groening

- - - - -

If we anthropomorphize them, do we think that donuts and bagels would get along? Would bagels think donuts were superficial and artificially sweet? Would donuts think bagels were dense? Or would they focus on their sameness and realize that deep down they really both felt pretty empty inside?

I don't know the answer to those questions.

Standing

I find standing and posing for photos very awkward.

~ Nicole Kidman

- - - - -

Byron knew the painting would be great, but the water was starting to get cold and standing just a bit away from the other kids got pretty boring after the first six hours.