I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender... All you do is say what the shit does and add "er." I want to work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shit fresh. Well, that's a fresher... I'm going on break.
~ Mitch Hedberg
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Appliance issues run in my family. I remember once making chocolate chip cookies while my mom was on the phone. Somehow I got my hair caught in the mixer. Amazingly, I convinced my mom not to say anything to my aunt about it while she was talking to her on the phone.
My dad had an obsession with strange, little appliances. The weirdest one was the "in the eggshell egg beater." It was a wire on a motor. You poked the wire through the shell, turned it on for a few seconds and then when you turned it off and cracked the egg and it was already beaten. My dad insisted that it saved the time and water needed for washing a fork and bowl. Never mind the fact that the "in the eggshell egg beater" wasn't dishwasher safe and was hard to get clean and probably had salmonella on it because you couldn't get all of the egg off of it.
On the positive side, however, I did inherit from my father an uncanny ability to fix vacuum cleaners.
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