Umbrellas

Illusions are like umbrellas - you no sooner get them than you lose them, and the loss always leaves a little, painful wound.

~ W. Somerset Maugham

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Was I surprised there was an Umbrella Cover Museum?
I was.
Was I surprised to learn that Umbrella Cover Day is July 6th?
I was.
Am I surprised that I recommend that everyone who goes to Portland, ME visit The Umbrella Cover Museum on Peak's Island?
Yes. But I do definitely recommend it.
Was I surprised that Jared and Kirk took me to the Umbrella Cover Museum? Twice? (it wasn't open on Mondays and the first time we went was a Monday, so we had to wait until the next year to go.)
No. That seems perfectly in keeping with who they are. And their deep love for me.

Shopping

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

~ Steven Wright

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If you go shopping and they have a cash register like this at the check out, that's probably a good thing. I don't think they can charge you very much on this cash register. You should probably try to buy a car or a house from this place. 

Thanksgiving

Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.

~ Hansa Proverb

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If you struggle to think of something to be thankful for this season, two suggestions:

1. Try harder. I bet you have at least a few things to be thankful for.
2. Tacos. If you can't be thankful for anything else, there are always tacos.

Crossings

The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.

~ Douglas Adams

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This photo is about crossings. Railroad crossings. The jet trails in the sky crossing. Crossing the road. Criss-cross-applesauce.

Which is catchier than "Criss-crutney-mango chutney."

Carnivals

Everything being a constant carnival there is no carnival left.

~ Victor Hugo

- - - - -

"Do you want to ride the haunted merry go round?" asked the phantom of the haunted carnival.

The kid and his dog said yes, but then the phantom said, "Dogs can't ride this." The kid said if the dog couldn't ride then he didn't want to ride.

They walked away but then realized that they had a skull in their fanny pack. And the skull had rubies for eyes. Then the phantom of the haunted midway chased them.

And then their friends said, "C'mon - over here!" and they jumped in a van.

That's why I don't wear fanny packs.

Also, that is not the only reason.

HI

There's a kind of numbness, a sameness, a lack of motivation in "good job" culture.

~ J. K. Simmons

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I got these glasses for Zak so he and I could look alike. Except I forgot I only wear my glasses when I'm reading. He wore his for a while, but then took them off. And Zak doesn't know how to read.

Prologue

What's past is prologue.

~ William Shakespeare

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I just want to clarify that this is not an exact replica of our home. While Leslie and I have the exact same couch and artwork on our walls, we have hard wood floors and none of our walls are painted red or black (at this point).

Though these are our "hang out around the house" outfits.

Conversation, III

Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.

~ Margaret Wheatley

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First, a recap from the day before yesterday's blog:

The other day I was texting with Kirk. We were texting about different things we had been watching. I wanted to write to him about the weirdness of watching Ted Danson on "The Good Place" (something I watch on my own) while also watching Ted Danson on "Damages" (something Leslie and I are watching). But he doesn't watch "Damages," so it was meaningless. And Leslie doesn't watch "The Good Place," so I can't talk to her.

I'm so alone sometimes.


And a recap from yesterday's blog:

Now today's continuation of the post "Conversation":

But that's not my point in this post.  My point is that when I asked Kirk if he watched "Damages" he said he didn't because he can't keep up with any more shows. Especially ones that are more than one season at a time.

I told him about how our internet / cable had been out for three days and during that time Leslie and I sat on the couch and talked about things instead of watching TV. I said, "Our cable was out for a few days. We sat and talked. Mostly about how angry we were that cable was out."


And now the conclusion of "Conversation":

You might think the painting above is of Glenn Close and Rose Byrne from "Damages." It isn't. It is an exact replication of what Leslie and I looked like sitting on the couch complaining about the cable being out.

The End.

Conversation, II

Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.

~ Margaret Wheatley

- - - - -

First, a recap from yesterday's blog:

The other day I was texting with Kirk. We were texting about different things we had been watching. I wanted to write to him about the weirdness of watching Ted Danson on "The Good Place" (something I watch on my own) while also watching Ted Danson on "Damages" (something Leslie and I are watching). But he doesn't watch "Damages," so it was meaningless. And Leslie doesn't watch "The Good Place," so I can't talk to her.

I'm so alone sometimes.

Now today's continuation of the post "Conversation":

But that's not my point in this post. My point is that when I asked Kirk if he watched "Damages" he said he didn't because he can't keep up with any more shows. Especially ones that are more than one season at a time.

I told him about how our internet / cable had been out for three days and during that time Leslie and I sat on the couch and talked about things instead of watching TV. I said, "Our cable was out for a few days. We sat and talked. Mostly about how angry we were that cable was out."

Conversation, I

Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.

~ Margaret Wheatley

- - - - -

The other day I was texting with Kirk. We were texting about different things we had been watching. I wanted to write to him about the weirdness of watching Ted Danson on "The Good Place" (something I watch on my own) while also watching Ted Danson on "Damages" (something Leslie and I are watching). But he doesn't watch "Damages," so it was meaningless. And Leslie doesn't watch "The Good Place," so I can't talk to her.

I'm so alone sometimes.

Glasses

Most of my childhood is a blur - because I needed better glasses.

~ Wendy Liebman

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I needed glasses when I was in first grade. I had a lot of headaches. I once had to stand in the corner because I was telling all the kids to shut up because they were too loud and it hurt my head.

But once I got my eyes checked and got glasses, I got an apology from my teacher and huge financial settlement from the school.

That second part is a lie. Back then we didn't sue the schools all the time. We would just, "Shut up. Sit down. And keep still." Which is NOT a quote from my first grade teacher.

It is a quote from my sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Richardson.

(pause)

Now I'm starting to second guess some of educational experiences.

Moths

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

~ Paula Poundstone

- - - - -

Most quotes about moths have to do with moths being drawn to a flame. If that is true and a flame is hot, then something like "moth ice" should definitely work to keep them away from things.

Like your drink.

Fungi

Fungi are the interface organisms between life and death.

~ Paul Stamets

- - - - -

Fungi are the ghosts of the plant world. Living, but drawing on the death of others. When a person dies, their ghost takes up residence in the world. Except we can't always see ghosts, like we can mushrooms. 

However, when a person dies, if left out in nature, a person might sprout mushrooms, too. Ih which case fungi are the fungi of the human world, too.

Think about that the next time you order mushrooms on your pizza.

Eating

We all eat. It would be a sad waste of opportunity to eat badly.

~ Anna Thomas

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This morning I was driving to Panera to do some writing. On my drive I heard my radio friend Rudy Mancke talking about seeing a praying mantis eating the head of a grasshopper while a yellow jacket ate the tail end of the grasshopper.

I just got something to drink when I got to Panera.

Habitat

What is a fish without a river? What is a bird without a tree to nest in? What is an Endangered Species Act without any enforcement mechanism to ensure their habitat is protected? It is nothing.

~ Jay Inslee

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A fish without a river is an ocean fish. A bird without a tree to nest in is a turkey or a grouse or a pheasant or a sandpiper or a tern or a plover or a goose or a swan or most ducks or a meadowlark or a bobolink.

And yes -- yes, I DID do more research on birds who don't nest in trees than I did fish that only live in the ocean.

Weird

Where's your will to be weird?

~ Jim Morrison

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weird adjective suggesting something supernatural, uncanny

supernatural adjective (of a manifestation or event) attributed to some force beyond scientific understanding or the laws of nature

uncanny adjective strange or mysterious, especially in an unsettling way

I was going to write something about not calling kids weird because it's not nice. After looking up the definition of the word, I think it's actually a great compliment. And based on the kids I know, most of them in fact ARE weird. Unfortunately, they get significantly less weird as they become grown ups.

Donuts

Donuts: Is there anything they can't do?

~ Matt Groening

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If we anthropomorphize them, do we think that donuts and bagels would get along? Would bagels think donuts were superficial and artificially sweet? Would donuts think bagels were dense? Or would they focus on their sameness and realize that deep down they really both felt pretty empty inside?

I don't know the answer to those questions.

Standing

I find standing and posing for photos very awkward.

~ Nicole Kidman

- - - - -

Byron knew the painting would be great, but the water was starting to get cold and standing just a bit away from the other kids got pretty boring after the first six hours.

Overlook

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

~ William James

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In September for the first time ever, I tried to put on a pair of glasses when I already had on a pair of glasses. I had overlooked that fact. I also am choosing to overlook that this could be start of a pattern of behavior. 

Feet

Choreography is writing on your feet.

~ Bob Fosse

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I like that even in this photo there is a cat plotting to attack someone's feet. Cats are like that. Feet are like that, too.

Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm is the foundation of a Pleasing Personality, and you must have such a personality in order to influence others to cooperate with you.

~ Napoleon Hill

- - - - -

That is not true. If we thought it was once we now have daily evidence that it is not true. You can influence others to cooperate with you if you have a dreadful personality and are trying to influence weak, selfish, and ignorant people to cooperate with you. 

Do I mean that in the context of this photo? Do I mean that Zak has a dreadful personality and that his Papa is a weak, selfish, ignorant person?

(pause)

Of course not!! 
What is WRONG with you?!

Dolls

The only thing better than singing is more singing.

~ Ella Fitzgerald

- - - - -

Doll 1 (on the left): (singing) Turn around...

Doll 2: Stop it.

Doll 1: (singing) every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round

Doll 2: Stop it.

Doll 1: (singing) Turn around...

Doll 2: Stop it.

Doll 1: (singing) every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears

Doll 2: Stop it.

Doll 1: (singing) Turn around...

Doll 2: Seriously?

Doll 1: (singing) every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by

Doll 2: You are ridiculous.

Doll 1: (singing) Turn around...

Doll 2: Can you JUST STOP?

Doll 1: (singing) every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes

Doll 2: STOP IT.

Doll 1: (singing) Turn around bright eyes...

Doll 2: STOP!

Doll 1: But you have such bright eyes? Just turn around.

Doll 2: You are so annoying.

Doll 1: Turn around...

Doll 2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Food

First we eat, then we do everything else.

~ M. F. K. Fisher

- - - - -

I like cooking shows. Chopped is one I like. I wish one time there would be an episode where the basket ingredients were raspberries, cod, pickled eggs, and coconut milk and the judges said something like, "This is pretty good, but I think it would be better if there were barbecued ribs on this plate." And another judge said, "I disagree, Alex, I think what this dish needs is a grilled cheese sandwich."

NOTE: I would not like to be a competitor on that particular episode of the show.

Counting

Who can count the sand by the sea?

~ Lailah Gifty

- - - - -

You know how people post, "Let's see how many of you love kittens. Post this." Or "If you're a true friend, comment on the color of my favorite socks. I will know how many true friends I have by counting the number of you who respond to this." Or "How many of you are brave enough to post this belief that I also believe so that we can show how we believe the same thing?"

Well, whatever the "how many of you" post that those people post, I bet they hardly ever do the legwork to COUNT so that you know how many people agree with or know you. If you're not going to do your part, the rest of us are going to quit sharing that we know the color of your favorite socks.

Also, how creepy is it that we know that?

Meals

You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together.

~ Anthony Bourdain

- - - - -

I think it is important to share meals with children. You can learn a lot about them. Also many of them aren't really equipped to prepare meals on their own.

Language

The limits of my language are the limits of my world.

~ Ludwig Wittgenstein

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Overheard...

Kid 1: I'm going number one!

Kid 2: I'm going number two!

Kid 3: I'm going number three!

Kid 2: There is no "number three."

Kid 3: Oh. Why do they have numbers?

Kid 1: I don't know.

Kid 3: Is it so people don't have to say "poop" to each other?

Tragedy

There is a saying in Tibetan, "Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength." No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experiences is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster.

~ HH Dalai Lama XIV

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I think tragedy is a highly personal thing. To me it is not only personal in terms of how you navigate tragedy, but how you define tragedy. Some people might see a destroyed jack-o-lantern in the road and think that it is tragic. Others might see a kid "flossing" at a wedding to every song that is played and think that is tragic. Others might not think it is tragic to floss at a wedding until "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves" comes on.

Whatever your tragedy, I hope you find strength in it. And if your tragedy is that you don't find strength in tragedy, I hope you find strength in that. Or maybe find $5 on the ground. 

Thinking

Stop thinking and end your problems.

~ Lao Tzu

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I'm not as wise as Lao Tzu, but I'm not sure I agree. A few examples:
* Sometimes you should think before you speak.
* Sometimes you should think twice before you jump off a barn just because everyone else is doing it.
* Sometimes you should...

No. Maybe that's it. Just those two times.